


Below The Angel Belt

by Kosei



Category: Rockman X | Mega Man X
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Atheist Character, Denial of Feelings, Homophobia, M/M, Religious Conflict, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, i hate this, my finger slipped, spit in the canons face, whoopsie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 03:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 49,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20735630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kosei/pseuds/Kosei
Summary: Normal in a small town like this is to like to hunt, to like to fish, go to church every sunday, to move out of the town, find a good girl to marry, have kids, live in the suburbs, and come back every christmas and thanksgiving.Of course, Zero fails every single one of those.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a crisp summer morning.

Zero woke up, his pajamas covered in sickly sweat, and his hair sticking his neck. He slept in a weird position, his body stiffened up and lying on his arm. He cringed as he realized it fell asleep and felt awkward and like it was stabbed with several needles from the shoulder down. What he was most annoyed at was how sweaty he was with just a T-shirt and boxers on. 

Damn AC turned off again, he cursed. He got up and fumbled through the darkness, and smacked the white machine wasted over the window of his room. It turned on with a whirr and cool hair rushed into his face. He sighed in cool relief. 

Then he grasped the plastic pole and twisted it. The blinds slowly opened and light filled the room. It beamed right in his eyes, and he hissed. He blinked it away and held an arm over his face and his eyes watered. 

He wondered about the time and checked the time. 8:45. Too early to wake up on a Saturday for his tastes, but he was craving some day-old biscuits and jam and made the decision to get something to eat. 

He glanced over to his wooden dresser and decided not to bother with clothes just yet. He pushed the door that creaked open and shut behind him. The hall was silent. It didn’t seem like anyone was up. As he walked his bare feet made a light smacking noise down the wood-laminated floors of the “mobile home.” It wasn’t a trailer per se, but it also wasn’t an actual house; unlike the ones that were built upon the hills of where they lived.

Zero opened the microwave door to be greeted with a Ziploc bag of day-old biscuits left in a bag on a green ceramic plate. He removed the bag and the plate and microwaved a couple on a nearby plastic plate. Normally Zero was one to make breakfast, but he wasn't in the mood to deal with the hot oven and stove heating up the entire house. 

He slathered some blueberry and raspberry jam and butter on the biscuits and dug in. Munching on them in silence as he stared out the window of the small kitchen. 

“Mornin’.”

His older brother Bass came in with dark circles under his eyes. Zero took a sip of a cup of milk and grumbled back a,  
“Mm. Morning.”

Bass took the gallon of milk in the fridge and gulped it down. Zero looked down at his cup of milk sickly and suddenly regretted not getting some orange juice.

Bass blinked at the time on the microwave. "Huh? It's only 9:00?"

"Apparently."

"Well shit, in that case, I'm going back to bed." He slammed the fridge door and left the small kitchen. 

Back to being alone, it was. Zero finished the biscuits and debated on what to do next. The sweat made him feel rather gross, so perhaps showering wouldn’t be a bad idea.

“Morning." Wily grumped as he came in. He went for the bag of biscuits and placed three on a plate.  
“Ugh. No eggs?”

Zero shrugged.

“Well, whatever. I need you to check the bear traps. Bass said he’s tired to check.”

“Huh? Why me? Why don’t you do it?”

“BECAUSE, you little turd, I’m an adult in this house! You respect my authority! If I tell you to do something you do it, got it?”

“...Yessir…” he muttered.

“Good. Now, why can’t you be more like Bass? He’s tired because he spent a whole night out ‘coon hunting and came back with a nice trophy. But here you are, with… God, you know you’re going to be made fun of for having that hair? Makes you like a… like a... like a homo.”

“...” Zero was silent. He was used to his ramblings insulting him for not being a man and looking gay. He knew he wouldn't do anything, he'd threat and sputter and spat until the day set but he never did drag Zero to a barber. 

“Get some clothes on and I’ll let you take the mule out.”

“....Fine.” 

He got some clothes on, shorts and a T-shirt. Nothing fancy. He yanked the key from Wily’s hand. The metallic edge dug in his hand when he squeezed his hand into a fist.

A mule was an off-road vehicle like a 4-wheeler. Only it had a trunk in the back so you could haul stuff around, thus the name.

The engine came to life with a steady rumble. He shifted the gears into place and felt the shuffle and click beneath the seat as he did so. Pulling up the brakes on the side, he pushed down the gas pedal with his foot and off he was. The wind whipped through his hair as he sped up.

Their home was near the mouth of the holler, where the meeting point between the off-road and the main road met. Holler being hillbilly talk for a road in the mountains.  
You weren't allowed to drive on the main roads in off-road vehicles, but most looked the other way if it was only for a hot minute. If you continue going down the road, you would pass the high grass and trees, the house poking on top of hills decorated with American flags and large metal stars. Then you would pass the Wal-mart and Wendys and pass into the town.  
The town was tiny, with an inn, a few restaurants that opened when Wily was a kid, a few houses, and an elementary school. Drive even farther and you would find the highschool Zero was supposed to attend.

Today, however, he wasn't driving anywhere near there. He dipped into the narrow road and the creek it followed down. 

He sped past the nice wooden houses built by the people living inside, and the burn mark on the side of the road from when a golf cart caught on fire. By the abandoned trailer, crawling with dirt and fixated with Wall-E curtains in the window. Finally past the house with the quilted porch swing. The group sitting on it waved. Zero gave them the side-eye and drove past.

Eventually, he neared the end of the path and dipped into a dirt road, he drove and drove past the rock and lush trees and occasionally rocked back and forth on the uneven surface. Rocks and gravel poked out in the dirt, Zero scowled as he was almost thrown out of his seat and desperately held on to stay in. It was difficult considering the lack of doors on the side. Eventually, though, the dirt road ended and there was only grass.

He parked the mule. It slowed it’s grumbling and became silent once the key was turned. He hopped out, sifting through the long grass, it tickled and sometimes scratched against his bare calves. He kept a wary eye for snakes creeping through. For a moment he got distracted and plucked a few wild berries from a bush, red raspberries. The sour taste felt pungent in his mouth.

He passed by a large rock that was somewhat slanted on the hill. He used to like to climb and sit on it for hours at a time. He thought about those times with a certain nostalgic tone. He couldn’t even remember the trick to getting up there now. He reminisced for a moment. Being teased by Bass,

"Bet you're too pussy to jump down from there!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Then do it!"

"..." He looked down and swallowed. 

"Chicken!"

"I am not a chicken!" 8-year-old Zero whined.

"Then prove it chicken!"

That was how he broke his arm. he landed oddly and tried to break his fall, but ended up splintering his ulna bone in half. It was lucky he hadn't broken the skin. Though, the pain still sent shivers up his mind from thinking about it. 

“Help!”

“?!”

Huh?!

He lost his train of thought and froze. 

“I-is someone there? Please! I need help!”

“I can hear you!” he shouted back. “Where are you?!”

“Oh praise the lord! Thank goodness you are here! I’m over this way, please help!”

He believed Bass puts the bear traps out in the way the voice was coming from. He hoped whoever it was hadn’t gotten their feet stuck in one.  
Honestly, though, he’s never even heard of bears in these here woods. Why was Bass planting some in here? 

He brushed the tall grass and stepped into the wide cleaning.

The mind stops functioning. His eyes widen. He rubs at them and slaps his cheeks.  
No way no way no way. Holy fucking shit, this could not be happening. It was impossible. 

Creamy white wings flutter in the morning sun. Soft green eyes stare gently into Zero’s soul. It’s flickering that sparkled with gold flakes in the sun, a necklace of a single bell that tittered and rings softly. Brown mousey curls of hair that looks… soft…

He was met with eyes of a fantastic green hue. He only saw eyes that green in fiction. Zero swallowed when his mind processed what he was seeing. 

An angel.

“I’m so happy you're here to help me. I was worried I would be trapped here much longer…”

“...”

This a dream, he knows it. Of course, it's a dream. Yet still… He further approached the… quote-on-quote “angel.” The creature looked even more beautiful close-up. Its skin was flawless, and he had a strange urge to touch its hair. He knew it wasn’t real, he would wake up in his bed anytime soon, but he couldn't see how he could dream up anything so gorgeous. He was absolutely sucked and drawn in- until he remembered what he was supposed to be doing in this fantasy his mind conjured up.

He opened the bear trap, it was old rusted and looked like a prop in a movie rather than a piece of equipment. There were a few puncture marks around his foot but no blood. Just a trickle of… gold?

The “angel” flew up, hovering above his body, with his wings fully spread, and cupped his face into his hands. They were soft and warm against his cheeks. His eyes glimmered like the most expensive emeralds money can buy. Zero’s breath hitched, and a strange flitter erupted in his heart. Stunned was the only thing he could think. It felt so real, though he doesn't remember his imagination being able to conjure up anything this realistic.

“I will repay your kindness. I promise.

Then he vanished.

“...”

Zero stood there for a long moment until the warmth was gone from his cheeks, he slapped himself once, twice, three times. The dream theory was out, then when it strung each time. He winced and rubbed his cheek.

Just a hallucination, he told himself. Perhaps those weren’t really raspberries and he ate something weird. Whatever it was, he didn’t see whatever it was he just saw, right?

Right?

He stood there for a minute until he decided he was sane enough to go back. He hoped there would be some sort of distraction, so he could ignore the disappointment- wait, disappointment? Disappointed about what? He needed to get his head out of his ass. This is so stupid he couldn’t believe this shit. Did he want the angel to be real? God, get fucking real. 

He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles went white and sighed. 

He was such an idiot sometimes. He wasn't going to be eating anymore of those berries, that was for sure. 

“Oh good, you’re back. Anything there?”

“No.”

“Well, when Bass wakes up I’ll take y’all to wal-mart to get school supplies. School starts next week y’ know?”

“I know.”

Only two more days now. Then his freedom would be torn away and he’d have to do something but breathe. Not that it matters anyway, it was useless for someone like him to attempt to do well considering he’d likely fail.

“What’cha frowning for?” Wily’s voice snapped him out of another trance. 

Zero blinked and relaxed, not even realizing he was scowling.

“Just thinkin’.” He quickly said.

“That’s a first.”

“Shut it.” He glowered.

Wily guffawed as Zero huffed and went back inside the house. 

“Quit acting like such a’ teenager!” He yelled after him.

“Whatever…” he muttered, going back to his room he grabbed his phone and turned it on. It read that he had one test message.

“Yo, Z! Whassup?”

Axl, at least someone knew he was alive. Zero hesitated for a moment and considered telling him what happened. How could he even explain that? The only way he could sound is insane, really.

“Nothing much.” he sent back.

“Yo, there's gonna be a new kid!”

Seriously? A new kid? That was rare. That happened every blue moon. Which is to say, never at all.

“Where'd you hear that?”

“You know this town, every time there's some gossip it's spread until there ain't anyone left who heard of it. Shame it’s a guy tho. Was hoping for a cute girl.”

Hold on... He frowned and hastily typed at his revelation. 

“I haven’t heard about anyone moving in.”

“Ikr? Maybe it's a bunch of bull. But if he did exist, ya think you’ll be friends with him?”

“I doubt it. “

“Lmaoooooo you haven’t even met him tho.”

“Don’t need too.”

“Lmfaooo dyyyying."

Zero was about to respond when another message was hastily sent.

"Shit, Red’s calling me, brb.”

“K.”

He set his phone down and planned to waste the day playing video games like he had been doing the entire summer.  
And probably the whole school year too if he had his way.

Fate, however, will have different plans.


	2. An average life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zero says the f-word

“Yo, Zero!”

“Hey, Axl.”

He beamed at him, “how was your weekend?”

“Fine, as usual.”

Zero spotted from the corner of his eye that several band-aids were peppered across Axl’s tanned arms and face.

“What’s with the bandages?”

“Hehe, you know me! Got into some trouble.”

“Trouble? The fuck’s the matter with you?”

“Matta with me? What’s the matta with you?” he said in a New Yorkian accent.

Zero rolled his eyes, “Come on.”

Axl sighed loudly, the kind that rumbled in the back of your throat in frustration, “Jeez, I hate going to school. At least Halloween is coming soon, huh? How long do you think before you see the charlie brown special on TV?”

“Not very.”

Fall was never truly fall where they lived. The weather subtly suggested it should be the time of year that people should be settling down next to the auburn leaves, sipping pumpkin spice lattes--but instead people wore flip-flops and shorts and ripped jeans with holes- (not above the knee, as that would be against dress code.)

Of course, late into October and November, the weather would soon begin to cool, turning into a frigid white winter by the end of December. The cold would soon seep into the skin of each and every person who encountered it, leaving one’s bones frosted and stiff. But it always seemed the weather prefered to skip the fall theatrics, often leaving the trees bony and naked instead of lush and flourished with warm colors.

Zero and Axl stepped past the rumbling buses in the parking lot and the small crowd milling in front of the building, turning into the front lobby of the school. It was small (of course, that was a given) with rows of lockers along peeling, ugly-beige colored walls. At one point they were used, judging by the bare metal around where the locks were.What Zero could tell was that they were certainly old, with orange paint in places where the frayed blue paint was scratched off. With only a few windows it made Zero feel as if the school was more of an ugly, brightly lit, claustrophobic prison. (but that was his opinion)

It had been about a month since the start of school. There were about 50 people in their grade, resulting in Zero and Axl sharing all of the same classes--excluding one. Zero didn’t seem to mind, as the classes bored him half to death either way. The only thing that could keep him remotely engaged were Axl’s absent-minded doodles from behind his desk.

"Y' think we'll ever see that new kid?"  
Zero shrugged, "Fuck if I know, but this school is so damned small it would be a miracle if we didn't."

Axl laughed, "Ain't that the truth! This school has like, what? 200 people? Back where I used to live, it was like 2000!"  
Zero whistled. He could hardly imagine a school being that massive.

"Yeah, I know, but it made getting to classes hell. The halls were so crowded that 5 minutes felt like nothing."  
"Mm. Would you rather go to a school like that?”

“Kinda? Sucks because the rules are more strict, there are more people, but there’s also more shit and they get more money to buy crap. Here…”

“There's a box of crayons and that's about it.”

“Pretty much! I’m startin’ to think that the new kid was just a ruse though.”

“You say that, but we’re probably going to walk into class and he’ll be there...”

“Yeah right! Things like that only happen in movies.”

They turned a corner into a hall lined with senior handprints from an old senior class. The school used to use paint to leave handprints for each graduating class, but at one point they discontinued the trend and painted over most of the handprints left. There were a few other halls with the handprints still left there, and this turned out to be one of the last ones left.

“Class of 1999!” was painted in bold letters at the end of the hall. Zero’s eyes danced over the handprints in every color in the rainbow, each featuring an optimistic senior quote. 

_‘Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.’_

“If you ever catch me crying, it’s because high school is over.”

‘Huh?”

“The quote there.” 

“Oh.”

They turned the next corner. The straps of the backpack began to dig into his shoulders, making Zero feel quite uncomfortable.

“Heeeeeey, Zero.”

Immediately Zero’s senses prickled up at the sleazy voice next to him--spiking his annoyance meter to the max.

“Oh hey, Vile!” Axl responded chipper-like, “What are you doing?”

‘What’s it look like, retard?” he glared. 

“Standing there.”

Vile ignored him and smirked, “How about you hang out with me instead of that fag, Zero? There's a spot on the team for ya. Could use your help. Looks better on a college application than hanging out with that loser.”

“I said no before and I’ll say it again. And I don’t appreciate you callin’ him a fag like that.”

“Oh, sorry.” he cooed, voice spilling over with insincerity. “You know, you’ll be saying yes one of these days.”

“I ain’t.” 

He dragged Axl away.

“I fucking hate him.’ he grumbled.

‘I know you do,” Axl replied. “But only you could have enough of a’ death wish to talk back to not only the preacher's son, but the son of the principal of the school. By the way, why’s he keeps bugging you like that?”

“Point of pride, I believe. I don’t want to join his team, and he knows that just about everyone else would love a chance to. So now he’s got something to prove.”

“Ah.” Axl thought about it, “That makes sense.”

“Principal baldy hates me too.”

“But why?”

“Probably because it seems I’m the only atheist in this town.” 

He paused for a moment.

“..well, the only one with the guts to say so...”

“It’s not so much as it’s guts as it is just plain stupidity to say something like that when you’re living in the backwoods.”

Zero was inclined to agree with Axl a bit. If he thought about it, keeping quiet would at least save him a few headaches and a few odd looks (as well as the occasional declaration that he would be going to hell.)

Of course, they weren’t mean about it, no--just concerned, it seemed.

The bell finally rang, piercing through his ears. The bell system was as outdated as the rest of the school, using an actual bell-- like one featured in movies and TV shows--instead of the electronic system most schools used. It rang through Zero’s ears and gave him a headache a good 99.9% of the time. Like most other things about the school, he despised it.

“God- fucking- dammit!”

“Don’t say the lord's name in vain!’

Zero shot Axl a nasty look, and the school day started.

Like most schools, it had basic courses like science, Math, English, Social Studies, and elective courses like Band, and Art.

This school had 4 courses a semester, and the next semester you switched to the next set of 4 classes. Zero had 1st-period math, P.E., English, and art. Art was the only class Zero didn‘t have with Axl. 

English was only mildly interesting on a good day and deathly boring on a bad day. It depended on what they were reading, as each day was the same. Read something in a textbook, answer questions on a worksheet, turn it in. 

P.E. was also fine. Physical strength was Zero’s only good point, although he had no clue where it came from as most of his time was spent indoors. As strong as he was, it seemed his strength was nothing compared to Vile, who was the star quarterback and the coach’s precious little angel.  
P.E. mainly consisted of the kids in the athletics department and the rest of the class (who often spent the time messing with the deflated basketballs and jump ropes with broken off handles the school graciously provided.) 

Art was pitiful. Truly, they had the budget of a nickel and the room reflected that. In all of the classrooms, there were scratches all over the worn wooden desks. He supposed that one couldn’t really complain about doodles on a desk in an art class but some of the markings dated back to 1972. Either that or it was some kid who wrote the date and then roughed it up to make it look older.

He believed it though, Wily said it was the same school he went to as a kid, and it probably hadn’t changed at all. Not with the cracked walls and outdated equipment. Some classes still used old Elmo projectors--the ones of a grey and yellow color that lit up the whole class with a harsh yellow light. Just looking at them made him feel outdated and old. 

The budget in the school was all skimped out, except for athletics. He supposed the town needed to feel some sort of pride for something, and of course, they probably got that feeling from watching cheerleaders parade around in skirts while players rammed their heads against another.

The art department (if you could even call it that) was the only real loser, as the choir and band mostly played feel-good Christian music (they got a lot of their funding from the biggest of the local churches). Last year they went to Kings Island with the church youth group.

Zero judged them for going, but that mostly came from the fact he was sore about not being able to go with them.

Then, when the final bell rang, they walked home together. There was a bus system, but Zero just preferred the walk as opposed to the non-air conditioned and crowded bus.

“Hm… Hey, Zero?”

He turned to him.

“Do you think aliens exist?”

Zero stared at him for a long moment. “...No, I don’t.”

“Then what is out there?”

He shrugged, “I don't really care to know.”

“Don’t really care- Huh?! You’re not curious at all what's out there?!”

“Won't be found out in my lifetime.”

“Yer a real weirdo Zero. “

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Men used to wear high heels,” he said without missing a beat.

“...” Zero stared at him.

“Hey, you asked me to tell me something you didn’t know.” 

“I didn’t think that’s where you would go with that.”

“Eh. Well, this is where we split!” He suddenly stopped.

“We’re not even close to where you live?” he questioned, peering to look at his face.

“Yeah, I know. I’m going into these woods. Found this huge area with a briar patch and I’ve been trying to get through.”

“Is that why you have the band-aids? Also, that sounds like a terrible idea.”

“Eh, I wanna know what’s on the other side!” he bounced in excitement. “Besides, I was born and raised in this here briar patch!”

“No, you wasn’t.”

‘Hey, just ‘cause I left here for a few years doesn't make me any less country. You can take the boy out of the country, but can’t take the country out of the boy.”

“Well go ahead and go for it,” Zero said, wanting to leave.

“Already was!” he winked and rushed off. Zero was sure that when he’d see him again tomorrow, he’d be so scratched up he looked as if he was mauled by a cat. But that’s just how Axl was. He was the type who would whole-heartedly say if he saw other people hopping off a bridge, he would too. The scar that crossed like an “X” on his face was from the time he rolled off a steep hill while riding inside of a tire. He ended up bashing his face into a rock in a creek, breaking his nose. Axl told the story with a sense of pride --but if Zero was being honest with himself it was the stupidest, most idiotic thing he had heard.

He kicked a coke can lying in the street. It skidded across the other side and stopped. He glanced over to where the train tracks where. It had been a long time since a train had crossed the tracks. Some areas really needed to be replaced as they were terribly splintered;if any trains did attempt to come this way, they would be screwed. 

Not that there would be any. He picked up a black rock nestled in between the sleepers.  
Coal. It left a charred black mark on his hand, even when he dropped it. Most of the state's economy came from it before all the mines were shut down.  
Shame, because that’s all they really had going for it.

He was planning on being a coal miner when he got older. It was easy, something that didn’t require much thought, and you didn’t really need to be well-educated. In fact, the only people he knew had college degrees were the teachers and Wily. But for coal mining, you didn't even need a high school diploma. Sure it was dangerous, he’d seen the news of people being crushed under large rocks or gas levels rising until the place blew up.  
However, it wasn’t as if he would have a future in anything else. Besides, coal-mining’s quite respectable in these parts. It’s a huge part of the state's history. A point of pride for a lot of people.

Or at least, it was.

He wondered what he was going to do when he graduated now. It wasn’t as if he was a senior just yet, he did have a couple years to think about it. But at the same time, it was something he didn’t want to think about if he could help it. He quickly shoved the thought aside, leaving it behind with the dusty piece of coal.

* * *

“There you are you little-”

Wily stopped when he saw Zero’s face by the door.

“Hey, you ain’t Bass.”

“I’m not, no.”

“Will you go and find your brother? The little shit hasn’t come back home yet and it’s supposed to be stormin’ soon. The generator has been rarin’ to go in case the power goes out.”

He heard loud barking deep in the house.

“OH- _SHADDUP_ YOU BIG MUTT!” he yelled back

“Do I have to?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“YES!”

Zero knew where he usually was at when he was late getting home. Smoking with his friends and chewing ‘bacco deep in the forest. Where they could yell as loud as they want and nobody could hear him. 

Twigs snapped underneath his feet. A misplaced tire laid against a tree. He stepped over a thick root and traversed deeper in.

The clouds up ahead were coming together into a deep shade of grey. The temperature felt like it had dropped a few degrees and he rubbed his arms, which were now covered in goosebumps.

He saw a great flash of light. 

_ **BOOM! CRA-CK!** _

Zero felt every part of his body jump and his senses screaming to get out of there as the rain began to form and pour down from above. It was decided, “Fuck Bass”-- he could save his own damn self. He’s the one who wanted to spend his time out here. 

“Zero! Zero!”

Who was calling him? It wasn’t as if he cared.. He sped off, feet stomping against the wet earth and splitting branches. Rain pelted in his eyes, and in a lazy attempt he raised his forearm to block it out, squinting through the storm.

He rushed to get out and once it was over and done with. His hair, wrung with water, felt like it weighed 15 pounds, and his clothes were pooled with cold water droplets, sticking to his back and chest.

He flung the door open with a push.

“Oh, there you are! Ain’t it funny, as soon as I sent you out, Bass came back-”

In a moment of short-temperedness, he took off his shirt, soaked with sweat and rain and smelled of teenaged musk and threw it into his grandfather's face.

“I’m going to bed.” His voice has seeped with venom.

Wily pulled the shirt off of him, sputtering with a red face.

“What the hell do you mean to go to bed?! It’s barely even 5’o clock!”

“You heard what I said!”

“God yer such a pansy! Why are you so moody and over-dramatic, I wasn’t like that when I was yer age!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Seriously! There ain’t anyway yer getting out of church Sunday!” Wily screamed, “I’ve had enough of yer bullshit! The devil is gon’ get you! Mark my words! You need to save yourself!”

Zero slammed the door to his room shut.

“-AND IF YOU SHUT THAT DOOR AGAIN I’LL TAKE THAT AWAY! PRIVACY IS A PRIVILEGE, NOT A RIGHT!”

The power went out. 

Beep!

Da-ding.

Ding!

All of the electronics, including his plugged in phone along with the microwave in the kitchen turned on at once. Odd. Usually, the power shut off at night. That usually meant that a tree had snapped in half and collapsed on some power lines. By tomorrow, he’d know for sure. 

From the corner of his eyes, there was another flash of light.

** _BA-BOOM!_ **

He hated this type of weather.

Made him feel sleepy…

He wasn’t planning to go to bed, as it was early as Wily said. But the pouring rain was so soothing, and his room was cold. The air conditioner really didn’t need to be on. The covers underneath would be really warm…

Fuck it.

He removed the rest of his cold, damp clothing and slept in just his boxer shorts. The blankets were smooth against his bare skin and were cozy, like a nice warm hug.  
Not that he really had a lot of experience with that. He could count the number of times he’d been hugged on one hand and they were all from Axl (and Zero was quick to shove him off).

He traced his fingers over the empty space next to him, and strained his eyes. 

Just as he was trying to get to sleep, god….

A sliver of him figured it would nice to have someone to lay next to--but it wasn’t as if he had someone to begin with. Life seemed to crash and burn beneath his fingertips...  
Hm.

Was there really a way out?

He supposed not. After all, that sort of problem wasn’t quite his fault. But still, the thoughts seeped into his skin, nibbling at the surface like a tick he couldn’t quite nudge off...

It didn’t bother him much, no, but it didn’t change the fact that those creeping feelings of frustration were still there.

_Still existing._

He supposed that's how he could describe his own life. 

Damn, it had been a day. First it was the hell that was school, now the storm, and now here he lay in his bed at 5:00 at night, waiting for a sense of relief that was only pushed aside by the wave of thoughts pooling in his head.

It was concerning, to be honest, but he didn’t have the energy to keep prodding for answers when his main goal in the first place was to sleep.

Wrapping the sheets around his frigid body, he curled himself up, shutting his eyes closed for the night.

He hoped some form of sleep would come to him.

He really fucking needed it.

...

And yet even in his dreams it seemed he could not escape.

He dreamed of the angel again as he slept.

There wasn’t much he could recall about a lot of the dream sequences.They tended to blend together in a manner just clear enough for him to be able to decipher, but too complex for him to even begin to understand. He could hear the words being spoken, but sometimes he failed to remember by whom or when they were said.

A part of him wasn’t able to forget his face no matter how hard he tried.

There were only a few clumps of phrases that stuck with him, and they were usually the same. Some of them seemed to be words just loosely drifting around his head, but the angel--and it was always the angel--spoke the last few lines in each of the sequences. 

His words seemed to drill deep into Zero’s bones. Always the same--never once different.

“Wait for me.”

What did that even mean? Was it a cry of some kind? What would Zero gain by waiting for him? He never seemed to know what the angel meant when he whispered that line, eyes peering right at him as he fluttered above the ground. It didn’t feel as if any of it had happened when he woke up, but in the moment it surely did.

Then again, that’s how it felt when he first saw him caught in the woods.

There wasn’t much different that went on in the dream, although he wasn’t expecting much either. After all, it was a dream. There was little he could do to change it.

But it seemed tonight was different. That night, the angel turned around just at the edge of the forest brush, delicately stepped forward to him with open arms and said;

“I’m here.”

When he came to, the rain was still pounding outside. His vision blurred and his blonde hair was obstructing his view. He brushed it calmly aside and glanced out the window. 

Darkness. He couldn’t see too far out, except the light in a few windows. 

He grabbed his phone and turned it on. He grimaced a bit at the bright and harsh light that burned into his sockets.

“1:37”

Oh damn, he’d been sleeping for a while. He set the phone back with plans to go back to dreamland, but it was pretty clear it wasn’ going to bet happening. He felt wide-awake and antsy, and his stomach rumbled.

Maybe he could get to sleep if he had something to eat. 

What the harm in a midnight snack?

Zero crept out of his room quietly, observing the snoring from Wily’s room and the soft pitter-patter of rain. He walked toward the fridge as if he was a wolf stalking a rabbit in the garden.

The bottles rustled as he opened the door. White light flooded the kitchen as soon as he opened the door. Beer, grapes, kraft singles, leftover Chinese…  
However, on the stove, there was a box. He kept the door open for light and peeked inside what the box had.

Score! Cold pizza. Well, it wasn’t cold, more room temperature. Still, it was a steal either way.

He stuffed a couple of sliced down his gullet and cracked open a bottle of water.

Zero once again tip-toed silently back, taking sips of the bottle of water he held. He then opened his door and shut it back.

The next day of school was the same. Zero was correct in his assumptions that a tree had fallen and cut the power line. The generator had been running all night so that wasn’t a surprise. Axl babbled to him about the storm and this and that. Zero half-listened, and as he walked a red leaf fluttered through the air.

“Woah!!! The first leaf of fall! It won’t be long before they are all like that, eh Zero?”

Zero picked it up and turned it over. It’s deep rusty red was bright against his pale fingers.

Axl drawled on again, “Ya know, fall is the season of change. Maybe that means something is changing soon.”

“That’s stupid.” Zero responded and dropped the leaf. “This isn’t an English class. There’s no hidden meaning behind it. It’s just a damned leaf.”

“Heh, yer right, yer right.” he grinned.

Soon the bell had rung and the day started. Sleepy teenagers rubbed their eyes and chattered amongst themselves as the teacher, Mr. Signas. He was an alright teacher, as alright as you can be. But Math was horrible for being the first period of the day. He always was on the brink of falling asleep. Axl was gifted in math and let Zero copy off of the worksheets regularly.

His eyes shifted across the class and he cleared his throat. The chittering of voices stopped.

“It is my understanding we have a new student starting today.”

Whispers broke out, people facing those in nearby desks. Zero locked eyes with Axl who grinned and mouthed “I told you so.”

Cocky shit.

The door suddenly flung open and-

“Sorry, I’m late!”

“It’s fine since it’s your first day. But try to be on time next time.”

“Right!”

Zero drifted his eyes absentmindedly to the front of the room where he stood.

He seemed vaguely familiar--mainly due to his rounded features--creamy white skin, long eyelashes, smooth curls of mousy hair that fell over his face….

Although a bizarre comparison, it almost seemed as if he was the creature he had freed from the traps in the woods.

Then again, he was not dressed in flowy, clean robes and there were no feathery, frail wings..

Zero took another look, only to see that the student was staring straight at him, face painted with a look of acknowledgement. He gave a small, kind nod geared in his direction before turning to peer at the teacher for further instruction. It wasn’t as if anyone else had paid much attention to his arrival….

If that wasn’t any sort of damn indicator, Zero wasn’t sure what was.

And that wasn’t even considering his dream….

His heart pulsed.

“This is your new student. Er…” He flipped through the pages clipped to a brown and worn clipboard. He squinted.

“Xavier Light,” Xavier said for him. “But you can call me X.”

“Right, well-”

“What the fuck?”

A good amount of people turned towards Zero’s outburst, leaving him with a scowl marked across his face. He watched as Axl bit his finger as he tried not to laugh (the attempt was unsuccessful) and a muffled noise escaped from his mouth as he squinted his eyes shut. His shoulders were also visibly shaking.

“Language, Mr. Wily. Another outburst like that and I’ll send you out to the hall.” Signas said firmly.

“Yes’m…” he mumbled.

“Now, take a seat in the back, Xavier.”

“X” passed by Zero on the way to the row of empty seats in the back of the class. In a motion, so swift Zero doubted anyone else saw it, he was handed a cleanly folded note.

Unless it was an elaborate hoax, there was no way it couldn’t be him.

The cursive was scribbled in an eloquent hand that Zero had a difficult time reading. After a second of squinting, he was able to comprehend the message.

“Meet me after school.”

God, fuck, Axl was right. 

It wasn’t as if he had much else to do--and he was still curious of his origin. He decided he would see him.

Mainly to ask him what he was doing dressed up as an angel in the middle of the goddamn woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay y'all pleasestop32 has always been my beta bae but she wrote the dream sequence and it's like, way better than what I had. Round of applause.
> 
> The state Zero lives in will never be said for sure, but it's based off a town irl. If not some of the details embelleshed for artistic effect. But I'm sure you could guess. It's country, near the appalachians, and known for it's amount of coalmines. That's a huge giveaway for anyone who's been in the area.


	3. Zero's mystery wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zero makes a wish and takes a ride.

The day was coming to an end once more. Not much had occurred--unless if you counted the PE class going apeshit over a frisbee Vile landed into a basketball net as a “significant event.” 

He was drawing a portrait of a random actress he found in a People magazine that the teacher handed out for reference. 

Speaking of art -class, he shared the class with “X” now. He went up to the front of the room to sharpen his pencil using the sharpener that was bolted to the wall (which was broken, scratched, and falling apart). As he passed, he glanced down at Zero’s drawing and smiled kindly.

“Ah, that looks really good!”

Zero couldn’t muster up a response.

Did he actually mean the compliment? The drawing looked… awful, in his opinion. He wasn’t a talented artist by any means. Instead of the cute half-smile that accentuated the actress’s dimples, she looked demented and demonic.

He sighed and gave up on trying to improve it.

It wasn’t as if he could focus on his classes as a majority of the time was spent conjuring up questions. After all, he didn’t want to fuck things up and look like an idiot as per usual in front of him. 

The bell rang abruptly, and Zero got up.

He weaved through the halls, and stopped when he reached the entrance of the school, as it would be the one place he was guaranteed to pass through.

“Hey Z!”

Axl placed a hand on his shoulder and scared the berries out of Zero. 

“Axl!-”

Like how Zero had predicted, he really did look like he was mauled by a cat. His face and arms were positively covered in band-aids, yet he didn’t seem bothered in the least.

“Listen, Axl, I have er, a thing to take care of.”

“A thing?” He asked quizzically. 

“Y-yeah, a thing. Can’t walk with you today.”

“Oh.” mild disappointment was laced in his expression and face. “Well, alright. That’s fair. See you tomorrow then!”

“Yeah, sure.” 

In the time that they were talking, the halls had become mostly empty. A few straggling groups were left behind, but other than that, very few people were around.

Thank the lord he hadn’t seen Vile any. He didn’t want anything to do with him and wasn’t interested in talking to him whatsoever.

If Zero really thought about it though, he could’ve just waited inside the classroom for him. Why was he such a fucking moron with no common sense? Literally everything he did in life just made it harder for him to--

“Hey! Did you get my note?”

Zero turned to face him, peering to look at his green eyes a moment before heaving a sigh of relief.

“No, I’m waiting here for my health.” 

Goddammit.

Thankfully “X” stifled a laugh and smiled warmly. “I see. I need to talk to you. About er… Well, we should talk about this elsewhere, actually…”

“Just get to the point.”

“Right, right.” he breathed in for a moment, “Follow me.” 

“X” lead him up the hill behind the school into the woods on the hills. The trees lumbered high and tall over their heads, and most of what they saw were the remains of old cigarettes, likely from past students skipping class. In the distance, he could see a rotten, wooden bench covered in tree leaves. Zero suspected that was where they were headed. The walk turned out to be very short, but as they approached the bench Zero realized the area was secluded from the view of onlookers. Not many people walked nearby.

“You might want to sit down.”

Zero silently studied the bench and wondered if it truly was stable enough to sit in. After a moment, he relented and sat down. It creaked and groaned under his weight, but it did not fall apart, at the very least.

“So-”

“What the hell were yeh doin’ in the forest dressed up like a goddamn angel?”

Shit, it came out before he could think about it. X made a face and looked at Zero as if he had suddenly sprouted 2 heads.

“Huh? Dressed up…?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah!” he exclaimed more confidently. “What the hell were you doing? I thought I was going crazy and dreamt it all up-”

“That wasn’t a dream. Well I mean… Not the first time. That’s what I am here to tell you.” he sucked in a breath, and closed his eyes. “ I am an angel.”

Silence settled over them like a wet blanket. Zero felt his body freeze with shock.

“What did you just say?”

“I am an angel.”

“Look, if this is a scheme to make me believe in God or some shit I’m out-”

“Why would I do that?” he asked, genuinely perplexed. “ I am an angel-”

“No, you are not-”

“-And I have come here to thank you.”

That caught him off guard, “Thank me!?”

“For saving me,” he explained. “If you weren’t there… I don’t know how long it would take for me to escape.”

“I hardly did anything,” Zero said haughtily. “And I still don’t believe you-”

“Here, maybe this will help.”

In a flicker of warm light, the figure from his dreams appeared in front of him. His jaw dropped, his breath stopped, and his hands nervously clasped themselves together.

He smiled and stretched his small cotton-white wings behind him.

“Does this convince you?” he asked. 

The thought crept up on him slowly, but if he truly was an angel, did that mean there truly was a god? Surely heaven must exist if he was an angel as he had spoken, which did mean it was a possibility. And if that was true, all the tension and fighting between him and the town would be for naught.

He was disgusted by the mere idea of that they might’ve been right.

“I’m sure it’s quite a shock.” 

The angel took his hands calmly, smoothing over the tops of his hands with his thumbs tenderly in an attempt to soothe him, “But I am not here to convince you of what is right and wrong. I am here to thank you.”

A studder slipped out his mouth unwillingly as he looked toward him. There truly wasn’t a single word that felt right to say in the moment.

“I don’t have much power compared to a Seraphim angel… but I can grant you a wish. Anything you desire. I promise.”

A wish…?

“...”

What did he want most…?

As his mind pondered, the angel abruptly let go of his hands, draining the warmth as he slipped them away behind him.

“I see. I’ll try to grant it to the best of my ability.”

“Huh? I didn’t say anything.” he frowned. 

“It seems your heart was able to wish it for you--I was able to listen.” The angel began to turn, and Zero shuddered.

“I’d best be going. ’ll see you tomorrow.”

And just as he had done before, he faded before Zero’s own eyes, leaving him sitting alone on the rickety old bench.

* * *

For the second time in a week, Zero tried to shut his eyes.

It seemed his mind, however, was occupied.

First angels exist, okay. Whatever.

Second, if he really thought hard about it, God must exist in some form--and in a weird way, he didn’t mind the idea as much as he really should. It wasn’t as if he could prove he didn’t exist in the first place. There was always a voice in the back of his mind that wondered and worried and fretted over the possibility. It was almost a relief in knowing the truth. 

Of course, his discovery wouldn’t really change how he felt about the topic. Like hell he would pray before going to bed and willingly go to church on Sundays. No matter how many times people praised him… even if they were in the right to do so… Them being right made him hate the idea of even considering the idea of bowing down and groveling for forgiveness. Really, the worst part about all of it was that they may have been right.

Fuck.

On the other hand, he had a million questions. Did God approve of these behaviors? Did people with blind faith really get into heaven? What was it like to die? Was X the cause of his dreams? What was heaven like?

Somehow, he felt as if the angel wouldn’t be able to answer all of his questions.

The final thing he pondered-- what was it that he wanted?

Quite a few things, unsurprisingly. He wanted a Playstation, wanted a new iPhone, wanted some direction. He surely wanted a job after college, wanted a purpose….

He wanted a goddamn way out of the life he lived.

His hand caressed the empty space he lie next to, grasping for nothing that was there. From around him the room began to feel cold under the thin sheets. He supposed it was due to the AC again (the damn thing wouldn't shut off or wouldn’t turn on at all) but it still ached to be lying by himself in the cold. He curled up into a compact ball, wrapping his arms around his body in an attempt to generate warmth. 

There was a fragment of him who still wanted to see someone be there with him. 

_‘You want someone to love.’_

The idea rushed through his mind like a raging ocean wave--quick, overwhelming and full of immediate, painful impact. His nails dug deep into his hand in sharp response, almost as a punishment for the thought.

_‘No, no that wasn’t right,’_ he whispered to himself. That couldn’t have been it, that would be downright idiotic. Zero hadn’t thought much about love in his lifetime, but the feeling of loneliness trickled swiftly through his skin like a shot of venom.

He supposed thinking about if for much longer would only make him feel worse.

He began to attempt to sleep.

After the week he had, it was a miracle he had made it through in one piece.

* * *

If Axl noticed any of his odd behaviors, he didn’t say anything as he chattered on and on while they headed up to the school. 

Zero thought about X and his words, and his stomach twisted up. He hated thinking about him so much, really, he did. It bothered him more than anything else- but he couldn’t stop his mind from spinning with the same damned questions as last night. 

“Zero!”

“Huh?” he was ripped out of his thoughts.

“I said, what do you think of the new kid?”

Zero paused for a moment and decided to keep Axl in the dark about what he had been thinking for a little bit longer. Maybe forever, who knows.  
“He’s alright.”

“Just alright?”

“Am I supposed to feel anything else?”

“Guess not, haven’t really known him for that long- he could turn out to be a total piece of shit.”

Zero snorted and couldn’t keep a smile off his face, “That was a good one.” he admitted.

“Glad to have your approval,” Axl responded in a way that made Zero almost unsure if he was being sarcastic or not.

“It is a possibility though.”

“Sure is. I dunno, I juss’ wanna ask him where’s he from n’ all that. Hey, you think we could talk to him during lunch?”

“Don’t see why not. But what do you mean by 'we'?”

“What, you aren’t curious?”

“...Sure I’m curious, but I don’t care enough to ask.” Plus he kind of knows where he’s from.

Wait, hold on, why the hell did he register into this school?

“Well, I am! And I’m going to ask him and you can’t stop me!”

“Whatever. Did you find what was on the other side of the briar patch?”

“Huh? Oh! No, no I didn’t. One of these days.” Axl vowed.

“Right.”

Zero nearly fell asleep again in math, but couldn’t shake the feeling that someone’s gaze lie upon him. For a brief moment, he looked up to see X’s eyes peering at him, only to see them turn away as soon as he looked up.

Hm. 

Weird.

He seriously needed to talk to him soon.

* * *

Lunch was always terrible. It was split into 2 periods, in which the freshmen and sophomores had first lunch, and the juniors and seniors had second lunch. The room also had an auditorium with a stage facing away from the single lunch line. There were about a dozen or so tables, which was probably too much as there was always a lot of elbow room and some tables were practically empty, save for a few groups. The line was quite average, you had your trays and milk options at the beginning, then apples and pears with options for frozen slushed-up fruits as well. Then, there was options for the entrees. Today the options were meatball subs with a pitiful amount of sauce on top, and it seemed they were cold enough that the few pieces of cheese sprinkled over it weren’t at all melted. The second option was chicken nuggets in a plastic container of white rice.

Wily told Zero when he was a kid all the meals were homemade. In fact,his own mother worked as a school cafeteria lady. Supposedly, it put great strain on her legs, as she would be standing on the hard concrete floor for hours a day. Eventually, her walking became slow and sluggish, and she was prone to accidents and needed someone to help her with the house.

“What happened to great-grandma?”

“To put it short, she died. Fell into a creek and they found her too late.”

He had never met his great-grandma, so hearing that she had died by falling in a creek, while shocking, left him feeling hollow and dull. 

Wait, he didn’t remember grabbing the chicken nuggets… 

Loud laughter in one corner of the cafeteria echoed and bounced off of the walls. The most full table in the cafeteria consisted of the football team and the cheerleaders. He couldn’t make out what it was exactly they were talking about, but he didn’t care enough to bother listening. He was able to find Axl and sit himself down.

“Chicken nuggets and white rice huh? That shit’s nasty. The rice is all sticky and bland…’

It really was, but it was alright when eaten with the nuggets. Zero shrugged.

“Hey! New kid!” Axl stood up and waved. “Over here!”

Zero watched as X walked over with only a carton of white milk in his hands. 

‘Good afternoon,” he said politely.

“Not hungry new kid?” 

‘Not really, no…”

“Where you from?”

“Oh, Uhm…" X bit his lip and suddenly looked anxious. Zero said nothing as he continued to eat his lunch. 

Axl frowned, “You alright? Is it some sort of secret…?”

“Well… it is.” X confessed.

“Huh?! You with the C.I.A or somethin’??!”

“No, no nothing like that…” X took a baby sip of his milk, “I’ve just been told I can't tell anyone where I’m from is all.”

“Well, how come?”

“I’m afraid that’s secret too.”

“Aw mann… Well, I can tell you one thing for sure, you ain’t from ‘round here. You sound like a city boy from up north. You a Yankee?”

“Afraid so.”

“Knew it! Could you least say it was like?”

Zero finally decided to butt in.

“That’s enough Axl. Quit interrogating’ him already.”

“I’m just curious! When’s the last time we saw anyone new in these parts, huh?”

“...” Zero really couldn’t say.

“See! Ah, wait what time is it?”

Zero checked his phone, “12:13.”

‘Shit!’ Axl grabbed his bag and stood up, “I need to go!”

‘Go where?”

“Somewhere! I probably won’t be back!” he grabbed his book bag and ran out.

“...that’s weird.” he murmured, turning back to X.

“Oi, you do know you could’ve just lied right? He would’ve ever known the difference. Bein’ all secretive makes people suspicious of you.”

X shook his head, “I can’t lie.”

Zero quirked an eyebrow, “Really?”

“Well… I don't want to lie is more like it. I know God would understand, but it’s still a sin…”

It took all of Zero’s strength to not roll his eyes. “Don’t think because I know doesn’t mean I’m going to change any. I still don’t buy into this bullcrap.”

‘I figured.”

“And why aren’t you eating?”

“I can’t eat anything that once had a life,” he explained. 

‘Huh?! What?” he nearly dropped his fork. “Then why’d you come down here?! This ain’t the city where you can say you’re on a “gluten-free diet” or whatever, here you eat what’s in front of you and that’s it. Nothing that ever had a life of its own… So you can only eat milk and honey?!”

X smiled sheepishly, “I’m afraid that’s right…”

“What a bunch of shit. “ He grumbled and stabbed into his rice. 

“I’m sure you must have more questions for me…’

Zero did roll his eyes as he bit into his pear and nearly said “No shit.” 

“-so you are free to ask as many as you like.”

He set his pear down. “...Fine, I will. What’s dying like?”

X frowned and tapped his fingers on the table. “Going right into the tough ones, huh? Well… it’s… it’s hard to explain, really. You don’t quite realize that it’s happening until it’s too late… you become wrapped up and focused on the sensations of what you were doing before, and the second you open your eyes, you’re already there.”

“What’s there?”

“Purgatory. It’s where you stay until you’re determined where you go. If you aren’t good enough for heaven nor bad enough for hell, you stay in purgatory. If you go to hell, satan decides what punishment you are entitled to. If you go to heaven, God decides what kind of angel you become.”

“There are different types of angels?”

X blinked and looked perplexed, “...of course?”

“Like what?”

“There’s a whole lot of them, and each has a different job. Seraphims are the most powerful, and they guard God’s throne directly. I’m quite low in terms of er, power, I’m just a guardian angel.”

“Huh. Seriously?”

“Yep!’

“What do guardian angels do besides watch people all day?”

“That’s pretty much it honestly.” X sighed, “Watch out for their humans… watch the human world as a whole… Try to create signs to point their humans in the right place. Sometimes they come down to earth disguised as humans…”

“Is that what you were doing in the forest?”

‘...’ X was silent for a moment, his mood melancholy.

“...I was being punished.”

“Punished? For what?”

“I’m afraid I committed an egregious sin. One that a guardian angel is never supposed to do… You see… I did come back here to grant your wish… but It’s not the full truth. I’ve actually been…” he swallowed. “...I’ve been exiled. Until I learn my lesson; I am to remain here…”

“Exiled??! For what?!”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes and came across as sad. “You would look at me differently if you knew what I’ve done. I cannot tell you just yet… but when the timing is right, I will.”

“...”

“Also, don’t worry. I’m working on granting your wish.” He stood up and muttered a “excuse me.” X went into the back of the cafeteria where the trash can was, and his milk cartoon was thrown away. He left, and the bell for next period rang not even a minute after. 

While yes, some of Zero’s questions were answered, he still had a lots of the same ones as before. To be frank, he he felt even worse having known the things he was told. Of course, he still wanted to know what he had done to be exiled to earth. Did that mean there really was someone moving in and somehow… X was swapped around? He found himself becoming more curious with him. The dreams, how he died, what his life was like before his death... 

Did he even know what his own “guardian angel” was like? Were they still back in heaven, weeping at his own stupidity?

Probably.

This whole higher power stuff was so complex and not to mention sketchy. Things were much simpler when he chose to not buy in and believe in any of it. Even if he was wrong and stubborn, getting mixed up into this bullshit was far too tiring. Then again, a part of him already knew he was in too deep for his own good.

His phone buzzed from a text from Axl.

“Don’t 4get the hw. :3”

“We have hw?”

“Lmfaoooooooooo”

* * *

That Saturday Zero was woken up by a loud, beastly roar from outside the house.

Cursing, he rubbed his eyes quietly.

From the corner of his eye, Bass got up and went to open the door.

“The hell’s going on out there?”

“You don’t know?” Bass looked aghast.

“...No?”

“You can’t tell me you didn’t once hear Wily talkin’ ‘bout the T-rex he is buyin’.”

“...” Zero didn’t want to say how he’d been thinking about other things. 

Bass rolled his eyes, “Git outside already.” 

“Fine.”

Outside was a neon green and black off-road vehicle, big and wide, with 4 full-sized seats. The bright-red mule looked tiny next to it. T-rex was a great name for it. 

“Hey boys!” Wily called from inside, “wanna go for a ride!”

“HELL YEAH!” Bass screamed and ran out with treble beside him. Treble hopped over the side doors and curled up into one of the seats in the back while Bass took shotgun.

“HEY! YOU COMING?!”

“YEAH!” Zero yelled back.

“Is it just me or are my feet burning?” Zero asked as they drove through one of the hollers. Zero hadn’t ever been down this way before, and while the rusted cars, bits of soda-and beer cans in the grass, and rotting houses were similar to the ones he’d seen, he couldn’t exactly say he had ever passed by those ones in particular.

“It’s 'cause you’re sittin’ right over the motor. Now shaddup.”

Treble panted as he stuck his head out of the window, dark colored fur rippling in the wind. Zero felt his own hair having the same effect, but his feet were on the cusp of burning. He nabbed the cushion on Treble’s side and layed it under his feet. 

“Bad design…’ he grumbled.

He stared out into the twisted thickets of trees and limbs and lush leaves intertwining together. The sight quickly faded away to more houses. Rusted cars with no wheels propped up on bricks. Houses with wide porches and swings, a dog runs up to them and barks, wagging its tail and chasing them, wearing a shiny pink collar. Zero abruptly leaned over to grab Trebles own collar to prevent him from jumping out. The dog growled in irritation.

“Tell that mutt to shush it!”

“Where are we going?”

“Going down where I used to live.”

“Seriously?” Bass butts in.

“Yeh.”

Zero felt shocked. Wily didn’t really ever mention where he used to live, and only brought up his past to complain about the time he walked 5 miles in the snow after he missed the bus to go to school. 

They passed by one of the nicest houses he’d ever seen in the area. It was brand new looking and tall with 2 floors. Most of the houses around here had only a single floor and an attic. The paint was nice and crisp, and the concrete driveway looked smooth, with not even a crack. 

It wasn’t until then that he saw who was sitting on the porch.

Vile.

He could almost see the smirk he had on his face as he waved at them. Zero glared and turned away from him. 

As they drove, they passed by the cluster of truck-trailers with the same logo on the side, “Doppler.”

‘How come I ain’t ever see one of those driving around here?” Zero asked.

“Huh? Oh. The founder named Doppler died a long while back, before ‘and before that they were driving all around the country. Dunno what they’re doing with all the crap now but the people running that company are a buncha’ idiots. “

The went out of the holler and onto the main road for a bit.

Zero did enjoy how comfortable the seats were, but he was starting to become sleepy with how toasty he felt. He nearly closed his eyes before Wily suddenly and violently twisted into another holler. A rail was the only thing preventing them from driving right over the steep hill and into the spacious houses that rested below.

“-Down’s here’s where the old church burnt down. Used to go there erry’ Sunday with my pappy. Now, you got everyone going to the one on Lavalette. Well, ‘cept the Presbyterians. But like they count.” he laughed and Bass joined in.

Zero had no idea what he meant and instead he stared at the dirt road that went up to another person's house. A dusty blue kiddy pool laid on its side, and a confederate flag hung off the porch casually. 

“Well, there’s my house.”

He stopped the T-rex for a moment and they all started at it. It was flat, with a gravel driveway, and a shed with a boat to the side. Attached to the house was a driveway, and a sign over the head that read “Welcome to the w ly f ily” with a majority of the letters bleached out.

The porch was wide, with several pieces out outdoor furniture-- a porch swing with cushions, a flimsy card table, and a wooden rocking chair. From the windows, the inside looked dark.

“Used to live in an old log house. Used to love that house… But then we moved down ‘ere. Ya know, this was when there were only 3 channels on tv, and we didn’t even have indoor plummin’. Couldn’t afford it.”

“What did you do all day with only 3 channels?” Bass asked.

“Hunt, go fishin’, ride bikes,” he shrugged. “Found some way to occupy the time.”

“Anyone living there now?”

“Not really.”

Hell he means by not really? It was a yes or no question. 

Well! I think that’s enough. Let’s head ba-”

Zero tuned the rest of what he was saying as he looked down at his phone that suddenly buzzed.

“Hey, what r u going to do about homecoming?”

“Homecoming?” he sent back.

“Yeah. Lol. It’s next Saturday. Didn’t you see the posters hung up Friday?”

“No.”

“Well shiiiit. Imma asks a girl out.”

“Yeah right.”

“Am too!”

“What girl what want to go out with you?”

“A cute one.”

“If I were a girl I’d scream if you came near me.”

“Ouch! Meanie ;0”

_“-you hearing me Zero?!”_

“What?”

“I said you ain't getting out of church Sunday!”

All Zero could do was roll his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zero: this is bullshit and I hate it.   
me: too bad.


	4. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the point of a dance when there isn't anyone who is dancing?

“GET UP! GET UP!”

“SHADDUP OLD MAN!”

“IF YOU DON’T GET UP, YOU WON’T EAT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!”

“ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!” Zero hissed, groaning quietly as he got up. 

His head ached from the loud, sharp yells ringing in his ears. Quite frankly,he really wished he wasn’t up at 8:00 on a Sunday for this shit.

The loud voices became partly muffled, and he didn’t care enough to listen in further as he dug into his closet. The only time he really dug out his dress shirt was for Sundays. It was what it was-- plain white, scratchy, and uncomfortable. It only existed to be worn to services, and even still he hadn’t worn it enough to break it in. As soon as he put it on, he immediately wished the thing was off his back.

The church was one of the few nice buildings where he lived--which wasn’t saying all that much factoring in the state of the town. It’s windows were glossy and crisp, smoother than most of the houses in the area. From the looks of it they had gotten there late as the doors to the service were already closed. The kids going to Sunday school eyed them as they ate their pop tarts and drank Capri suns from afar.

Zero blinked at the group silently. He used to go to Sunday School when he was younger. Back then he used to get there early enough that the sky was still dark in color, and the tiled floors were cold and sent chills up his arms. There wasn’t much he could remember of the time.

Wily followed his absent stare and scowled.

“You’re too old to be going to Sunday school.” 

Zero glowered. “I know that.”

_“Then hurry up and get inside!”_

Inside, a woman, (Zero didn’t know who) stood on the slightly raised stage that Sigma wasn’t on yet. However, goddamned Vile was, sitting in a chair on stage, nodding as his foot tapped along in tune to the song. The church pews were not all that full today, although it wasn’t that unexpected for them to be empty. It was probably normal for such a small town, as, despite his church being the most popular, it never seemed like it. He stopped to listen to the lyrics for a moment.

_“Let every breath- all that I am, never cease to worship you-”_

_Ick._ No thanks. 

He pushed the music to the back of his thoughts. Axl caught his eye on the other side and he waved, beaming. Zero had opened his mouth and was about to catch Wily’s attention-

“No, you can’t sit with him. Get your ass down and shut it.”

“Hmph.”

He slouched back into the pew with his arms crossed against his chest, only to warrant a warning look directed at him from Wily.

_“Sit up.”_

Sighing, he uncrossed his arms, and straightened out his back as much as he could. It turned out to be enough to make Wily turn to the front in brief satisfaction. The second he looked away, Zero loosened.

As the song ended, their pastor stepped onto the stage with a microphone in hand. Vile stiffened.

It was Sigma. He hated staring at him and let his attention shift to the ceiling where the fans circled overhead. All of them spun around fast enough that their dark oak blades were a blur-- except for one. For some reason, it really bothered him. He waited for it to move.

Goddamn, listening to him was boring. Occasionally, he would get passionate about whatever he was talking about, and Zero himself would become entranced and fixated on his words for a moment, only to turn away and tune him out again. To give him credit, he was good at his job. He was passionate and constantly moved about the stage, spittle flaking from his mouth as he talked. The people in the audience responded calmly by murmuring things like “amen” and “praise the lord.”

From the bits Zero did listen to, he pieced together the fact that he was talking about Job. It was one of the very few stories Zero was familiar with, and only through forced bible study time (which did not end well). Maybe it was just his stupidity talking- but he never understood the point of it all that well. He got the idea of it, somewhat. But why would God take Satans- or whoever the fuck it was, would take his challenge? He’s God, he’s all-powerful and all-knowing, right? Wouldn’t he know if Job would curse him if his life went to hell? Zero had always felt a tinge of sympathy for him. Because Satan claimed that if he weren’t so privileged he would curse God, and through his permission he kills his servants, children, and livestock. The idea of such a god who possibly existed just like that made his skin crawl. He let those awful things happen to someone who didn’t deserve it in the least. 

He hated to think that a God existed, and he let all of the bad things of this world run rampant. If he had the power to change it, why wouldn’t he?

He supposed that was an age-old question. Regardless of what the answer was, he didn’t think he would enjoy learning the answer. He would have to ask X.

Speaking of him, where was he?

Service finally ended after more singing to which people clapped along. Vile sang a few verses and while Zero still hated him, his voice was at least decent. Some families lounged around talking, while most left to pick up their kids.

“Heeey!!!” Axl slapped Zero’s back, with a dull thwack.

“Hey.”

“Me n’ Red going out to Biscuitville. You wanna come?”

Zero shot Wily a look.

“Fine, you didn’t kick up a fuss any, so I guess you can go.”

“Kick up a fuss? I’m not 8.”

“Shut it.”

“Nice to see you Mr. Wily sir!” Axl suddenly exclaimed. 

“You don’t need to suck up to me kid.” 

“I ain’t a suck-up! Last time I tried to be one a teacher slapped me clean ‘cross the face!”

“You probably deserved it.”

“Yeah, but she ended up getting fired.”

“That's bullshit. What happened to when I was you alls age and the teachers were ‘allowed to hit our bottoms with a paddle? That’s why you kids are runnin’ ‘round wild. No discipline.”

“I don't know nuthin’ ‘bout that but I can say my butt is glad that teachers aren’t allowed to do that no more.”

Wily just grumbled quietly under his breath and looked over to Bass, who was talking with a couple of his friends. Zero didn’t know their names and didn’t care to know all that much. 

“Axl! Your friend coming?” Red called from across the room. Some heads looked in his direction and went back to their conversations.”

“Yeah! Come on!” Axl rushed to the door and Zero trailed behind him.

Red was a tall guy with broad shoulders. He was wearing a red dress shirt with a midnight black tie, and an eye patch across is eye. That and his slicked-back blonde hair kinda made him look a bit on the nasty side.

Supposedly, from what Zero had heard from gossip, at one point or another he had married, and they adopted a child together. The details on what happened become blurry, some say she dies, some say she disappeared, and even more say they divorced, leaving him with the child. From there they moved to a city in New York. He started a company of some sort, some say in some sort of illegal dealing, assassination, but in any case, he moved back when Axl was in 5th grade.

And Zero has been stuck with him ever since. It hadn’t been the first time he had been around Red, but he felt awkward each time he was. It wasn’t as if the man was scrutinizing Zero no, but he had… a certain…aura about him Zero had trouble seeing past.

Axl hopped into the shotgun seat of Red’s car- a black Nissan with leather interior. It wasn’t uncomfortably nice, but it was certainly on the nicer side which only added to Zero’s sense of unease. It was not Wily’s beaten up grey truck with a cassette player built-in and worn cloth seats that smelled of cigarette smoke and sweat. This car had all the bells and whistles, which Axl blabbered on about.

“-and there's heated and air-conditioned seats!”

“Mm,” Zero grunted in response.

“You like to go to Biscuitville, Zero?” Red asked. 

“It’s alright. I like their hash browns,” he added.

“A hashbrown man? I see.”

“What?”

“You can tell what kind of person is by what they like to eat at breakfast,” Axl explained.

“So what does liking hashbrowns say?”

“Most likely the person is stubborn and temperamental. Which is pretty accurate in your case.”

“Hey.”

Red chuckled from his seat, “Don’t listen to Axl...he’s full of it. “

“You don’t need to tell me that.”

“Hey!”

“What you think about today's service?” Red asked in an attempt to change the subject. 

“Hmm… s’alright I guess. I don’t like that story ‘bout Job any though. Always feel bad for the guy.”

“What you think Zero?”

Zero shrugged, “Was alright?”

“You surely didn’t look alright when you were in the church. You looked like you ate a bag of sour patch kids.”

Red laughed in agreement. Shifting his head to the window, he scowled. The candy in question wasn’t even that sour…

"I hope you don’t me asking Zero, but why are you an atheist? Was there something that happened that made you believe differently?”

“Oh! I’ve been wondering that too!”

"...there really isn’t any reason in particular. But I guess I just don’t like the concept of living your life every day with a promise for something that has no guarantee to happen. Nobody can say for sure we’ll go to heaven or hell when we die. To me, I just don’t think it’s worth my time.”  
“I guess that’s true, but who’s to say for sure that the sun will rise again tomorrow, or you won’t die in your sleep to wake up again?”

“That’s stupid. The two are apples and oranges. You wake up every day and the sun is there, and you don’t wake up, look into the sky and say “there’s heaven! I’m going there someday!” There’s no proof whatsoever.’

“Can we talk about something else? This is getting boooooring,” Axl whined.

“Hm…” Red mused for a moment, “What are you going to do after you graduate?”

“No clue.”

“Seriously!?” Axl whipped around to look at him like he was crazy. 

“Why wouldn’t I be serious…?”

“You ain’t got any idea what you’re going to do?”

“No. What, you know what you’re going to do?”

“Yep, glad you asked! I’m going to be a farmer!”

“...A what?” Zero took note to clean his ears.

“A farmer.”

Okay, scratch that, “What?!”

“Believe me, that was my reaction too,” Red chuckled.

“What’s wrong with bein’ a farmer?”

“Nuthin’. Nothing at all. It’s just not something a lot of people say is their dream job.”

“Well, it’s mine!”

“And ain’t nothing wrong with that. So, Zero, you thinking about going to college?”

“Not really.”

“Is there anything you’re passionate about?”

Zero thought for a moment and shook his head.

“Nope.”

“Well you got time, I suppose. But was there anything you wanted to be when you were a kid?”

“...A coal miner.”

Both Axl and Red cringed, “well that ain’t happening now.”

“I know that.”

“You know what, Zero? I think you got the spunk to make it in the big city. Got that take no shit attitude. If you ventured out up there, I think you could do it.’

Conflicted feelings toiled around in his stomach. He blinked them away with a bat of his eye and muttered a “yeah right, I’d never get the cash.”

“Just a suggestion. This town’s great really, it is. Can’t beat that pumpkin pie they sell during the fall festival. But it clips your wings. If you wanna fly you gotta go out and look for a bigger pond to swim in. if you stay here, you never getting out.’

“Then why’d you come back?”

“Like it or not it’s home, it’ll always be home to me.’

The rest of the car ride was in silence after Axl turned the radio on. The rest of the Sunday continued uneventfully. 

“You ask out a girl?” Axl asked the following Monday morning.

“What girls are there to ask?” 

“There’s Layer. She’s into you, according to Palette.”

“Psssh. Ain’t she already going out with someone?”

“Uh, ah’ reckon so. But she might dump him to hang out witchu instead.”

Zero shook his head, “not worth the extra drama.”

“Come on! What else are you going to do?”

Zero shrugged, “Dance?”

“Don’t you gimmie that! You know the possibility of people actually dancing at a dance are none.”

His face twisted up and he looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well, unless its a group of girls. Otherwise, no way.”

“I’ll be there to see you make a fool out of yourself. I’m not going to be there for any other reason,” he snickered.

“Ugh. You’re such a weirdo.”

“I’m not weird for not wanting to go with some random girl to dance.”

“Hey, Zero!”

“Oh goddammit, Vile.” He scrunched his face into a piercing glare and clenched his fists. Axl seemed just as unbothered as usual

“Hey Vile!”

Vile smiled, it was cheesy, fake, and unpleasant. It sent chills up his spine.

“You know, that new kid has been getting a lot of attention lately.”

“Huh? No he hasn’t.”

“Oh yes he has. All the cheerleaders have an’ interest in him. Its the face.”

Zero understood what he meant, round and cute and smooth skin, with big eyes. Not many boys around here was a looker. Some came from families who couldn’t afford dental care and had slightly crooked teeth. And others clearly wore hand me downs. While Zero dealt with neither of those, his clothes did some from cheap places like thrift stores and distant relatives. 

“Yeah, so?”

“I don't like it. I don’t like it not one bit. He was actually talking to one of them like he had the right. Now they think he’s some hot shot from New York.”

Zero felt a slight twinge of jealousy. X never told him he was from New York.

“Tell him to fucking back off.”

“Why should I? It ain’t your fucking buinsess Vile.”

“It is my FUCKING BUISNESS. He hangs out with you two faggots so there’s no way in hell he should have any chance at MY girls.”

“That’s fucking disgusting. They aren’t YOUR girls. You didn’t fucking pay for them. They ain’t fucking property. You’re sick- disgusting. You’ve been stuck in your own ass for so long the moment someone even gets a little bit of attention you feel jealous? What are you? Insecure?”

In a moment, his question was answered for him, Vile lunged at him, grabbing his throat with one hand shoving his head into the back of a tree. It hurt, Zero had to bite his lip as his head swam and vision blurred for a quick moment.Refusing to give in, he scowled down at his scrunched face..

“I said NO Vile. I don’t give a shit about any fucking threats you make.”

They stared at each other for a long moment. Axl, looked between the two of them like a lost puppy, fearful for the results. 

“Fine.” Vile said, “You want to play like that? We’ll play like that. Don’t say I didn’t warn you though. Nobody talks to me like that and-”

“HEY! WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING?!’

Vile jumped and spun around. A teacher stood there, hands on her hips.

“WHY AREN’T YOU IN SCHOOL?!”

He grinned, showing off his pearly white teeth. “Sorry, Ma’am! I was just, er, telling this delinquent and his friend they should be getting to class soon. It ain’t very Christian of them to be trying to skip."

“...Well alright. You boys know better. Vile, next time you see someone trying to skip tell the teacher first, okay?”

“Yes’m!”

“Alright, the bells going to ring soon, hurry along. Don’t let me catch you again.”

Zero tried to power walk his way out of his situation, built Vile caught up to him and hissed in his ear.

“Better hope you don’t have any secrets. You’ve insulted me for the last time now.” 

And, from then on, he noticed a change in his life. During class, someone’s eye was always on him. When he went out into the hall to deliver a note, he could hear silent footsteps right behind him. When he stopped, the steps stopped. When he turned around, he saw a blur of movement.

Vile was on his tail.

“Whoa, he’s following you?” Axl gazed at Zero with wide eyes and stuffed a bit of pizza into his mouth. The usual scene for lunch was set, and unsurprisingly, one of the football players from the team was starting at Zero. He glared back and gave him the finger.

“Not him, his fucking lackeys,” he said, rolling his eyes, and poked his fork into a side of pineapples, aware that the person staring at him wasn’t fazed. 

“I told you you should’ve just joined. But it’s my fault, I shoulda known yer too stubborn for that.”

“Who’s Vile?” X asked, taking a sip of his milk.

“Vile’s the big cheese 'round here. Quarterback of the football team, dates cheerleaders exclusively, beloved by all the teachers, always gets straight A’s, son of the principal AND the pastor... Speaking of which, where was ya Sunday?”

“Oh, um…”

Zero looked curiously. He really was wondering the exact same thing Axl was. 

“...I like to spend my Sundays… private, when I worship…”

“Huh. Well, what about you, you going to homecoming?”

“What’s homecoming?”

“Wha- howthe- how do you not know what homecoming is?!”

“Am I supposed to know what it is?”

“Ughhhh! Whatever, you know what a dance is? It’s that?”

“Oh!’ X’s eyes lit up, “I’ve never been to one of those before!”

“Well get don’t excited, these things are lame. I go for the grub and it’s at least an excuse to get out of the house on a Saturday night.”

“I’ll go! What about you Zero?”

He shrugged, “I wasn’t really planning on going since Axl tricked a poor girl into going with him-”

“Hey, I didn’t trick no one!”

“That’s a double negative. You just said you did trick someone.”

Axl just stared at him.

“But, since you’re going, I guess I’ll go,” he continued.

“That sounds fun. I want to get to know you better, Zero.”

“...”

“Why do you want to get to know Zero better? Seriously? What for? He’s an idi-"

“If you want to keep breathing, I suggest you don’t try to finish that sentence."

“I find him interesting, that’s all there is to it. “ X twirled a lock of hair around his finger and then brushed it behind his ear. “I suppose there are people here who are curious and want to get closer… but I don’t feel very comfortable around a lot of them. I would rather hang out with you both since you’ve been so kind.”

Zero wasn’t sure why he felt so happy to hear that. 

The rest of the week passed like that. It seemed that none of the cheerleaders got the memo from Vile and stopped to talk to X way more often. On a few occasions, their interventions cut into his class time. Although at first his appearance caused no major tremors in the ecosystem of their highschool, X had almost become a big fish in their pond. People were clamoring to talk to him, although, Zero wasn’t sure why. He always gave the same answers to their questions.

“What was the city like?”

“Cold, damp, grey, and crowded.”

“Was your school different?”

“Very different.”

“Have you ever been to New York City?”

“Only once.”

Zero wanted to spend more time with him. He didn’t exactly know the reason he didn’t share the sentiment with him--embarrassment, perhaps.

On Tuesday someone left a hot plate on in the science room and a beaker exploded. Although there weren’t any fires, the fire alarm was pulled in confusion and the entire school milled around outside for 30 minutes while the teachers investigated what happened. Looking around, Zero truly felt how small the school was. It was a tiny, sparse crowd. Their small friendship circle sat around in the grass and Axl paraded around the girl that was going with him- Palette. A small girl with a petite figure and her light platinum blonde hair into large curled twin-tails that made her appear as a doll. Zero vaguely remembered her from the metalworking class the school used to offer before budget cuts. 

She giggled at his jokes and joined in with the jam session Axl started, which Zero tuned out. He turned his attention to X as they sat in the grass. Unsurprisingly, the alarm had scared him, as he hadn’t known what it was for. But in the midst of his rant he was dragged away and Zero caught Vile snapping a pencil in half from across the yard. 

On Wednesday Zero realized he was being followed home and closed the blinds in his room as soon as he got home. He thought about contacting the police but with no evidence, he had to hold out on the hope Vile would get bored soon. 

On Thursday nothing eventful happened. Well, except Palette flipped a pie into Axl’s face during lunch. Even though it fell to the floor he picked it up and ate the whole thing- crust and all. This garnered a few ew’s from the crowd they gathered. 

On Friday their group of three was joined by a gaggle of girls. Alia, with cute blonde shoulder-length hair and sun-spotted cheeks along with Layer, which sad to say, was the only black- well, anyone in town. It wasn’t surprising in these backwoods places to see a lack of color, but her presence made it all the more obvious. They giggled and called Axl and Zero cute as they ran their hands through in X’s silky hair in admiration.  
The display was an uncomfortable sight, but he let them have their fun. Plus, it made Vile jealous again. He’d have be sure to keep an eye out to make sure Vile wouldn’t do anything vindictive. 

Saturday night finally arrived. Guys in dress shirts and suits and girls in bright poppy dresses flocked towards the gym floor. Zero hadn’t any idea what dances in other locations were like, but the one at his school was always sad. One of the teachers usually would be the DJ while a couple of others milled around the entrance and drank the cans of sodas available for a dollar each, along with candy bars and cupcakes and cookies for sale.

The top 40 hits played pretty loudly, echoing across the hollow gym. 

Zero watched Axl as he wiggled to the groove with Palette, who wore a bright green fabric dress with a flower corset on her wrist.

X came into view on the other side of the gym. He waved, and it wasn’t very long before his smiling face was next to Zero. 

“Hey!”

“Hey.”

“You know, for a dance, there really isn’t a lot of people dancing…”

“There never is. It’s pretty lame all things considered.”

Another pop song played through the speakers, and people whooped and cheered and grooved to the beat. Well some, most just glanced at them and then went back to their conversations. 

“Music sounds…different from how I remember it when I was alive.”

“It’s all shit, to be honest. It’s almost always the same songs.”

“Hm, I think it’s interesting! My dad and I used to listen to music from the radio. Times were tough back then… He lost all his money when the banks crashed and while he was lucky not to lose his job; they really only let him work a few hours a day. We... could only barely scrape by.” he closed his eyes and seemed to drift away. “I could never imagine music sounding like this…”

“ I’ve been wondering that. When did you die? Actually, how did you die?”

“...” X became silent. 

Zero watched carefully as he bit his lip and eyes softened into wistfulness, thinking, remembering. 

It was cute. Well, Zero was quick to correct, it would be cute. If he was a girl, that is. Distracted, he left the thought in the dust.

“C-can,” he shuddered, “can we talk about this somewhere different?”

“If it’s important to you. You don’t have to say anything, really.”

“It’s important for you to know. I..I don’t think there’s a point in putting it off for a later time, anyway.”

“I know a place.”

He turned to Axl. 

“Axl, X and I are leaving to get some food. That ok?”

“Yep!”

“ C’mon X. Let’s go.”

They left the gym in silence. Zero knew the school, and, while there wasn’t many optimal, open spots for discussion, the curb outside would have to do. He found a nice spot near a tree where they would be able to talk without much interruption.

He let X sit down first.

“...I died about… During… Well, I can’t really remember. Lots of things are fuzzy and only a few things are clear. All I can remember is a newspaper article talking about the world's tallest building being built… The... Empire State building?”

Zero strained to remember when that was built. 1930… something? He never saw the point in remembering something like that, so he didn’t.

“....” X scrubbed a quick hand over his face. Silently it went back down to his lap.  
“It’s quite a deep stream to wade through...but I suppose it would be sinful to continue to lie,” he sighed, voice shaking silently “and I feel as if it’s an important thing for you to know.”

“If it’s important to you or personal, you really don’t have to share,” he blinked, surprising himself with the little drops of sincerity leaking from his words.

“You see, when I was alive..I fell in love...” he opened his mouth, only to shut it again.

Zero stared at him owlishly, and after a moment he gestured for him to continue.

“...w-with a boy.”

“Oh. OH. Shit.” Zero winced. It was easy to tell why he was upset. 

“Yeah… I was about your age at the time,” he swallowed, “and I told him how I felt. He kissed me. Oh… just thinking about it still gives me those butterflies like back then. I was… over the moon. I couldn’t even describe how I felt.”

He gazed up to the stars in frustration. The further Zero looked, the more he could see how upset speaking about the matter made him. His tongue seemed to curl back at every word, just as if a bitter substance was placed under it. 

“But you see, our relationship didn’t last long. S-someone saw. He was confronted..but he lied and said I forced him into it.”

X’s eyes began to well over.

“Things w-were different back then. You must be lucky to be living in an age where it’s been legalized. Things aren’t as bad. Death can no longer be a guarantee.”

Quietly, he quivered to himself like a loose hanging leaf on a low hanging branch as he finished. What he was saying, while true, still felt wrong to say in a place like where he lived. For a person like him to have gone through what he had while he was alive, then get exiled for reasons beyond his guess to a small town like his...

He was a teenager when he died. And yet, what he had done..

Zero sighed.

“Hardly feels like it when you live down here. 

He kicked a random can of beer. “I’m sorry that happened to you, though…”

“It’s quite alright. Nothing for you to be upset about… it happened nearly 100 years ago by now.”

“...That guy was a shithead. He doesn’t deserve your sympathy.” Rage bubbled up in his chest. 

“You’re right. I know I should be over it but… It’s hard. He was my first crush after all and--”

“Sure as hell doesn’t deserve it.”

X gave him a curious look, “...I guess you might be right about that, too.”

“What are you guys talking about?!” Axl called, running up with icing smeared across his nose from his cupcake. 

“How about your dick is small.”

“Yowch! Alright then. Keep your secrets. How about we blow this popsicle stand?”

“Huh? What you mean by that?”

“What if we went out into the forest?”

“What about your date?

“She said she’d rather stay here.” 

Zero shook his head, “only you would abandon a girl just so you can go out into the woods at 10:00.”

“Yeah, probably. Come on!” he hopped on one foot like he needed to pee, “Let's go let's go let's go!”

Sighing, he relented, “Fine.”

“That doesn’t sound like such a good idea,” X said meekly.

“Why not?”

“What if we get lost?”

“If that happens I have this!” He held out It stops after a moment. He held out a plastic object that was bright orange in the shape of a pistol.

“The hell is that?”

“A flare gun.”

“A flare gun?! Why the hell do you have that?”

“You never know,” Axl said cryptid.

“...You know what? Whatever. You in X?”

Hesitantly, he nodded. “Alright. I’ll make sure you both don’t get hurt.”

“That’s the spirit! Now let’s get out of here!”

The forest was much more menacing at night. The vivid shades of lime to dark green were now covered in bleak darkness. Staring into the depths of the forest was like staring into the gaping maw of a beast. A bright-line coated the outlines of the trees and grass revealed as Axl flicked on the flashlight.

“Where’d you get that?”  
Axl stared at him.

“Nevermind.”

“Looks dangerous... What if one you step on a snake in there?”

“It’ll be fine, It’ll be fine! I go in here like, all the time.”

“Still… I feel rather uneasy about this.’

"Don’t sweat it!"

Thus, they were off wandering around the woods, using only the poor flashlight to split through the sea of black. For a backwood, it certainly was a maze to navigate through, and the coos of birds and crunching of leaves certainly did nothing to ease the mood.

Towards the halfway mark, he felt an arm slip loosely into his. It was X’s.

It felt unusual to know it was there at first, but his body was trembling. He supposed he was holding on for comfort--after all, the forest was thick and the noises were mildly threatening.

He might’ve been right about coming at night. His temperature had raised a few degrees (sickness, perhaps?) and the path in front of him became distorted due to the blood rushing to his head. 

“Axl, where the fuck are we going?”

“I’m going to show you guys my awesome tree fort!”

“Treefort? What are you, 12?”

“No, I’m 15. Follow me~!”

He ran off with a start. Zero nudged X along with his arm.

“S-sorry…” he muttered.

“It’s fine. Why are you so scared out here? Not like you would die if a snake bit you.”

“Well no, but you guys could! And I got trapped in here, remember?”

“Right… well-”

“AHHH!”

“Zero! Zero, are you okay?”

‘Ugh…”

Groaning, he picked his head up and soon realized that his leg was aching with pain. His arms were sitting in a pile of leaves.

"What happened…?”

“Um well, you kind of tripped and well… down the side of the hill. We didn’t realize that was there until it was too late…"

"Oh.” 

"You guys alright?” Axl asked.

“Yeah! We’re fine!”

“Guess you were right then X, it was a bad idea…"

"I’ll make sure Zero gets home safe.”

“Righty-o! See y’all Sunday! I gotta go before Red kills me!”

“As if I’m going to church again.”

“Hah! See you!”

Axl raced off, with only the sound of crunching of leaves and fluttering of grass following him.

"I suppose it’s just us now. Can you walk?"

"Help me up first.”

X groaned and grunted as he helped Zero up. He was left shaking, and as he stood he almost lost his balance, but after much work he was able to walk just fine.  
‘You don’t need to worry. I can get home by myself.”

“I would rather make sure you’re completely fine!” X turned on the flashlight and pointed it up where they once were. 

Zero stared at him for a long moment but sighed in the end. “Your loss."

Eventually, they navigated their way out of the woods and on one of the dusty dirt roads.

“...” X stared up to the stars as he walked. Comfortable silence settled over them like a blanket, but it wasn’t long before X broke it.

“I think you’re a better person than me.”

“Huh? Where did that come from?”

“This place can be suffocating if you don’t align with everyone else’s beliefs. I wouldn’t have the guts to do what you have done and be so… open about your beliefs.”

“I hardly think they make me a better person. I mean, you’re the one who’s gone to heaven, Besides, how do you know I’ve been “open” or whatever about being an atheist?”

Zero saw something suspicious flash between X’s eyes, but whatever it was it was gone in an instant as he quickly sputtered, 

“I-I heard it from gossip.”

Zero’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. He didn’t really believe that was the reason but he shoved the thought aside and got over it. Besides, he didn’t have any proof otherwise. The people of his town did love to gossip…

“Well alright. Point still stands.”

“Well, you see… being outspoken is what got me here in the first place. Good people do get into heaven… but so do those with blind faith. No, that isn’t to say they aren’t good people. But they are…” he sighed, “And how I died is pretty well known…”

“Ah.”

“Sometimes I can’t hold back.”

“...I don’t think I would be able to hold back If I was in your position, X. I mean, I’m not gay, so I don’t give a shit when Iḿ called a fag ‘cause of my hair. I know I’m not gay. But if I was, it wouldn’t be very long before I started mouthing off. But that’s practically a social death-wish here. Not to mention, I would get kicked out by Wily. I don’t give a shit, but I wouldn’t want to be.”

“Mm… yes… thank heavens.” X said with a small hint of bitterness. 

“You know, I thought heaven would be better about those things.’

“It really isn’t. You see, “ X explained, “humans are naturally prone to sin. That is a fact of life. Heaven is the same. I wish I could say it is a happy place full of good and silvery soft clouds and trees of jewel-like fruits- but sadly it isn’t. I mean, there are those things… but some people do bad things. They sin. They ask for forgiveness. That’s usually the end of it. They all mean well. They all have good intentions. Flawed as they are, truth to heart they do deserve to be in heaven. They are good people. But sometimes they get under my skin… I know just talking about them like this will probably lead me to stay here for longer.”

“How long are you going to stay here for?”

“A few seasons, God had said.” 

“That sucks.’

“Another thing about heaven, it’s hard for people to get along. They divide themselves into groups by what decades they’ve died. They are all so different in their ideals and values and what they think is wrong and right and what's disrespectful it's hard to keep track. Not to mention the different branches of religion and Christianity itself that are odds with their ideas of how God should be worshiped.”

"Do only Christians get into heaven?”

“No, but it is just a little skewed to be that way…”

“Ah. Still, don’t see how that makes me of all people a better person. I don’t know when to keep my big fat mouth shut.”

“Honesty is the best policy.”

“Bullshit. You don’t tell your wife the dress she’s wearing makes her look fat. ‘

"I guess that’s true…"

‘Before I forget, there's something else I want to ask.”

“Okay.”

“Do I have a… y’ know, guardian angel?”

“...Yes."

"Do you know who?"

"...No."

Zero was almost certain X just lied but was content to let it slide. At least, for now. 

"My house isn’t very far now. You can go home I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? You did say somebody was following you-"

“I'm positive. Like hell that any of the football team would miss hanging with the cheerleaders just to follow me around."

"Well… Alright?” X smiled, “see you Monday!”

“Right."

-

_“Dear Lord, please forgive me for my sins- I know you hate the deceitfulness that is to lie. You and I both know that I am unable to say the truth. I know I must, to grant his wish. Forgive me, I have sinned once more, for that is a lie. It is my selfishness that is driving me I must admit to you oh lord. I want not for him to think... To think… Oh if he knew, if he knew the truth… Why I am down here… You and I both know Lord, how much worse things would only be for me. It is selfish, I know, but I want to be around him while he is still clueless… Please guide me, sustain me, even through these times of sin. Help me to remember that I am a child of God, and give me the power to make it through this season. So I can once again return to serve in your name. So I can forget these feelings of sin. In the name of your son Jesus, I pray, amen.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a bit since I last updated hasn't it? Well, this is a longer chapter. Over 6,000 words! Don't get too spoiled though. You'll ruin your appettite. Of course I must thank pleasestop32, but that's just a given at this point isn't it? She's wonderfully brilliant. Working on editing things every night. My earlier works don't have her touch, and have the occasional missed typo as well. They are insufferable to read.  
Supposedly, the reason for X's lies are obvious. I suppose I'll need to work on my subtly then. But there isn't anything I can do for it at the moment. I'm trying my best here, but in any case I hope the characters are round and fleshy, and the setting nice and fleshed out as well. If you have anything to say, speak now or forever hold your piece.


	5. Why didn't I say yes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> X kicks Axl's ass in Mariokart, and Zero gets a hot date.

The mornings reminded Zero of fall. When people thought of fall, they tended to think of apple cider, hayrides, cool weather, pretty leaves, Halloween, Thanksgiving, pumpkin pie….

When Zero thought of fall, he thought about the ever-changing weather. Cold in the mornings, hot in the afternoons. He thought about having thanksgiving at Golden Corral, and the Halloween dance where there was a costume contest and parents handed out candy in the backs of cars. He thought of the colors of the leaves he would have to rake, all in varying shades of green, yellow, brown, orange and red.

He wondered what X thought about when he thought of fall. Did people in heaven still celebrate the same things? Did they mope around all day thinking about how they couldn’t celebrate the holidays with their loved ones? Or were most of them at that point in heaven? Or hell. Either or. 

He knew what Axl thought of when it came to fall--Halloween was always his favorite holiday. When Zero grew tired of the too-sweet candies and begun to give them all to Axl-- save for a few peanut butter cups and kit kat's--Axl was more than ready to receive them.

Today's afternoon weather was dreadfully humid. Not very fall-like at all, and he despised it. His hair was particularly wild during humid days. 

“Y’all wanna hang out together today?”

“Huh? Sure, I guess.”

“Sounds like fun!”

“Yeah! Alright! I wanna kick y’alls asses in MarioKart!”

“What’s MarioKart?” X asked, following Axl as they walked home. A red leaf landed into his head, and he tilted his head up to the dull blue sky, unaware of what just transpired. The color was more grey than blue. 

No wonder it was so humid-- it was going to storm soon.

“You’re joking, right?”

“No…?”

“Come on, you know? It's Mario, but you're racing?”

X stared at Axl.

“...Why are you staring at me like that?”

X was about to speak, but Zero cut him off, “He’s just messing with you, he knows what MarioKart is.”

“Haha! Yeah, I figured.”

X stepped closer to Zero, quieting his voice so only he could hear, “I don’t know what MarioKart is…”

"It’s a videogame,” Zero mumbled back and took the chance to get rid of the leaf and toss it aside. 

“Oh! Are you talking about the things on the light-box with the controllers? I’ve always wanted to try one ...and-” X abruptly swallowed and turned away. 

“Never mind.”

Weird, but whatever. 

“It's called a Tv, not a light-box."

"Oh, that's right!"

Axl was the only one to greet Red as he got home before he clamored up the stairs. His home was fine, a typical country house, excluding the fact it had 2 floors. The front of his porch was coated with fresh white paint where petunias blossomed, but besides that, the house wasn’t decorated. No large ferns hung from the porch ceiling, and there were no seasonal flags stationed in the ground or large metal stars. The interior of their house was arguably nicer with it’s wooden oak floors and dusty white walls. A plasma TV hung under a taxidermied deer as it stared down at the spacious leather couch with it’s glossed-over eyes.

Zero was going to follow him, but he realized that Red had never met X. Instead of following Axl, he took up the job of introducing him. 

Red was lounged on the couch, watching Wheel of Fortune before they barged in. He wore a black Thrasher T-shirt and jeans. 

“Pleasure to meet you X.” He stuck his hand out and X shook it limply. “Sorry, my son’s such a rude ass. Swore I gave him better manners than for him to just run off like that," he chuckled.

"Nice to meet you, sir!" He chirped.  
Red nodded in approval, "Glad to see you have some manners. Maybe they'll rub off on Axl. But Zero hasn't any luck so likely not." 

X laughed politely. 

Zero could tell he was faking it just by listening to his tone.

Upstairs, Axl already had put the game and was babbling about the differences between this game and the previous version. X smiled and nodded like a bobblehead. It was clear he had no idea what he was talking about though. A house with only 2 floors was far too much space for only 2 people, and thus, Axl had his own “game room.” It wasn’t as impressive as it sounded, to be honest. There was a few consoles hooked up to a TV, a Legend of Zelda poster hanging on the wall, and 2 deflated bean bags from the local flea market. Zero shifted his glance outside the window to make sure fucking Vile or his lackeys hadn’t followed. Really, it was almost impressive how they still hadn’t let up. A figure was staring right at him. He flipped him off and quickly shut the curtains.

“Alright! Let’s get going! Imma be Daisy!”

“Why Daisy?” Zero asked and picked up a controller. X studied the one in his hands with careful fascination.

“I dunno. Come on! Pick someone!”

“Eh… Guess I’ll be Bowser," he shrugged.

“Pfft. Making fun of me for picking Daisy, Bowser's basic!”

“Shut it!”

“How do I select…?”

“It’s the A button.”

X gaped when the menu moved on after he selected Shy Guy, "Sorry, I’ve never played this…”

“I’m not falling for that again!”

It became clear to Axl that X was not joking when he said he had never played Mario Kart. Not knowing to hold the A button to move, then not knowing how to drift or use items… Zero had to show him the controls, which meant he got distracted and usually he ended up losing to Axl. Eventually, though, he got ahold of the game and was able to give the others a run for their money,.The CPU's didn't matter. it was truly just a battle between the three of them. 

“Who threw that fucking blue shell?!” Zero growled, knocked from 1st down to 6th.

“Dunno, but know I’m in first.”

“Not for long,” X chimed in.

“Ack! How’d you get me with a green shell?!”

“Green shells are easy to use. Your aim just sucks.”

“Not true!”

“You don’t remember trying to play COD with you? The enemy team was right in front of you, back turned, and you miss-"

“Shut up shut up shut up! That was back in 7th grade! My aim is way better now!”

“Bam!” X cheered.

“What?! This is bullshit! How’d you go from 12th to 1st place?!”

“Some people are just talented, something you’ve never experienced before.”

“Ouch, fuck, get me some cold water or something! You’ve burnt me into a crisp.” He slumped into his beanbag and stuck his tongue out.

“Quit acting like you’re 5,” he picked up a pillow and threw it at Axl’s face.

“Ow! My nose!”

X stifled a laugh, grinning from ear to ear. 

“Beginners luck,” Axl mumbled.

“That doesn’t exist.”

“Hey! Y’all wanna smash?” Axl sprung back up like a rocket. 

“What?” X asked, perplexed.

“I don’t swing that way," Zero said dryly, with a smirk itching at the corner of his mouth.

“Not like that! Gross, gross, gross, you know I was talking about the game!” Axl threw back the pillow, which Zero caught and placed in his lap. Before he could respond, his phone buzzed.

“Ugh, bet it’s Wily.” he pulled it out and surprise surprise, it was him. 

“What is it?”

“Don't give me sass! Where the hell is you at?!”

“Axl’s house.”

“Come home now! You’re supposed to cook dinner.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Don’t-”

He hung up and stuffed his phone back into his pocket. Swinging his bag over his shoulder, he stood up. 

“Gotta go, Wily’s bitching at me to make dinner.”

“Wait, you can cook?!” Axl gaped at him like a fish and sat up, arms holding up his suddenly tense body. 

“...Kinda? You know Bass and I take turns making dinner.”

“No, I didn’t!”

“That’s on you for not paying attention. Anyways, I gotta get out of here-”

“Wait! Can I go with you?”

“Why?” 

“I’d like to help you.”

“...Sure then.” Zero shrugged, why not.

“Me too!”

“ I know better than to let you in the kitchen.” 

“Boo,” Axl pouted.

“Finally you’re home- huh? Who the hell is with you?”

“My name is X. I’m a friend of Zero. It is very nice to meet you.” X outstretched his hand but Wily ignored it.

“The hell do you think you are bringing someone over without asking?!”

“He’s going to help make dinner.” Zero explained. 

“He better be!”

Zero rolled his eyes, “Come on X.”

Wily sidestepped to let them in their house. X looked around in curiosity.

Their living room was average in Zero’s opinion. If not much smaller than Reds, not as spacious, ceiling not as high up. The couch was old and of a musty grey color and made of almost corduroy material. Lines etched through it and if you rubbed your hand across it, you could feel the materials texture. A seat that matched the same texture was angled beside it but was reserved for Wily only. Even if he was away from it, the old coot would refuse to let anyone sit in it. Their TV, about 10 years old with a copious amounts of audio outputs in it, had it’s one HDMI port taken up by a PlayStation. Bass was lounging on the couch, eyes fixated on the program-- a WWE match.

Gross.

X was already in the kitchen after he finished judging Bass’s taste in TV. 

“Oh yeah, our pastor was nice enough to give some of that crappie he caught the other day.” Wily called, “That’s what you’re fryin’ up for dinner.”

“Ugh.” Great. He liked fish. Fried fish on a Sunday from Long John Silvers was splendid. Freshly caught fish tended to be even better, but knowing that the fish was from Sigma made him want to throw it out.

“What’s Craw-pi?”

“Type ‘a fish.”

“Ah.”

“You sure about cookin’? You said you can’t eat nuthin’ that ever had a life or whatever…”

“It’s only eating that I can’t do. Fixing it isn’t against the rules. Although… I must admit, I never ate fish when I was alive… I think. I don’t know how to prepare it.”

He sighed.

“Fine, fine.”

Unsurprisingly, the fish was sitting in a container of country crock butter. He gathered the rest of the ingredients from the fridge (eggs and milk) and shut the door. After placing them on the countertop, he opened the door to the pantry to get the flour.

The first step was to cut the fish into pieces since it had already been skinned. No bones remained.

Zero explained this to X who nodded along and handed Zero a chef’s knife per his request. With his fingers curled back, he held the filet on the plastic cutting board and sliced. After a few cuts, the knife dug into his flesh and a jolt of pain forced him to pull back.

He raised his hand up to eye level and inspected it for injuries. The knife nicked the top of his finger and a drop of red dew formed in its place. He was thankful the fish was unaffected. If he had spilt any blood on it, it would have had to be thrown out.

“Oh, my heavens! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine-”

“Here, let me help you..”

Reaching out tenderly, he took his hand and pressed his lips to the wound. 

Zero stifled. 

He felt his face flush a pinkish color as he let out a small breath. Really, he wondered why his heart rate was beginning to climb to a higher level as it drummed heavily within his chest. He tilted his head down reluctantly for a look, but X had let go.

“There.”

It was like it never happened. His skin was smoothed over with no trace of his previous cut. Zero would have been in awe if his heart wasn’t actively attacking him. 

“Warn me next time,” he sighed, cheeks still dusted with color. “You could get sick from that you know. Gross fish… germs, bacteria, food sicknesses..."

“I’m already dead,” X said matter-of-factly.

“Still it’s… gross, uh, I’m going to get a pan. You go ahead and finish cutting that up for me since you insist on helpin'."

“Okay!”

Jesus, what the hell? 

It was certainly a strange exchange, but he tried to keep his mouth shut and his head focused. A warning beforehand would have been nice but considering the moment had passed, there was no point in bringing it up to him again despite his embarassment.

There was nothing more for him to worry about.

The pans and pots were stored over the washing and drying machines. He grabbed a pot and a large copper-colored pan hanging from a rack. When he arrived back in the kitchen the fish filet was all nice and chopped up. 

“Fill this halfway with water,” he said, handing him the pot. 

“Mm! What's it for?”

“Going to make some mac n’ cheese.” 

“That’s noodles and cheese right?”

“Right.”

“I got it right!”

“I guess. I mean, it's in the name.”

He needed to focus completely on fixing dinner before Wily started to scream at him to hurry up, so he turned away, 

Turn on the stove so the oil in the pan could heat up and the water can boil. Mix eggs and milk for the egg wash. Then mix flour, cornmeal, salt, pepper, and a bit of onion powder for the seasoned flour. Dip the fish into the egg wash, then the flour, and make sure it’s nice and coated. Be careful when placing the fish in, as water and oil do not like each other very much. Zero winced as some oil popped up and burnt his fingers. He took note to work quicker.

Soon he had filled the entire pan with fish, crackling and frying loudly, and the sick smell finally became appetizing as the smell of their meal wafted through the kitchen. The mac and cheese still needed to be drained.

He handed X the colander to hold over the sink and poured the water in. Mac and cheese was easy to make. After boiling the noodles you just have to mix the cheese and milk together.

When the fish is done, separate it from the pan and place it on paper towels to absorb some of the oil. 

“Done.”

X stared at the spread in amazement.

“That’s amazing!”

“What is?”

“How you did all of that!”

“...It’s hardly amazing. I just… did it.”

“Have you ever thought about being a chef?”

“A chef?”

“Yeah! You said you didn’t have any clue what to do out of high school right? Why not?”

He scoffed, “Just because I know how to fry some fish doesn’t mean I can work in a restaurant cooking food all day. They’re two completely different things.”

“Maybe, maybe, but how will you know if you never try? 

“Right…”

‘I should be going. Enjoy your meal!”

“Is the food done?!” Wily called.

“Yeah!” Zero yelled back. Their front door swung open with a creak, he could hear it as slammed back. X was gone. He picked up a piece of fish and bit into it. 

Tasty, but not exceedingly so in Zero’s opinion. Food tasted better when you weren’t the one to make it.

“Wait…”

He didn’t recall telling X the fact he had no idea what to do after high school. 

He laid awake that night.

Just when he thought he was breaking out of that habit too… 

There was a subtle change he was able to pick up on. When his eyes moved over next to him in longing, there was a spark of warmth flickering through his fingertips. But for what reason? In his contemplation, there were certain instances he could pick out in which he felt in a similar way, but certainly not as strong as the feeling was now.

Not as stong as a want.

Was that what it was?

His words and face still remained imprinted into his dreams like a chime that would not stop ringing. 

Maybe it would have been better if he had never met the angel at all.

“Goddammit…”

For what purpouse was he even here? He knew he was being, punished, yes, but for what reason? What had he done to deserve this? Why was he, a teenager who died--no, who was murdered-- for no good reason- banished to this small bible-thumping town? A town in which, while they did not boast their predjudice in public, spoke of their opinons in groups in which they knew others would feel the same.

Contempt. He felt it strongly, and it tasted quite bitter. What an awful god, he sounded like. For someone as good as him, why was he being punished? Even with the extra attention he never got worked up into it. He seemed to disreguard it as just extra attention. Sure that may mean he was a bit of an airhead, but Zero was feeling forgiving and chalked it up to him being nice rather than being an idiot. Then again, he might be an idiot since he actually liked to spend time with him. 

He must admit though, the idea of what he did being something particularly gruesome had come to mind. Murder maybe? But if it was something that bad he would have fallen to hell, right? Not be banished on earth. Not that this place was much better than hell. To wish to send anyone down here was too much. He couldn't judge for certain X didn’t deserve this with no knowledge of his crime but surely, whatever it was wasn’t nearly that bad. If it truly was, he would be sent elsewhere.

While surrounded by his thoughts, Zero briefly wondered if it was fate. What if fate was the reason he was sent down here? Part of some stupid plan God had, something that people liked to say when bad things happened. “It’s all part of god's plan.” What plan was that?   
No that's stupid, he cursed himself for even thinking about it. Fate and destiny weren’t entities he believed in. That was for girls who read their horoscopes online and read John Green books. But regardless of how X was sent down here, he wasn’t sure he hated it. Sure he felt immense sympathy, as much as he allowed himself to feel, but wasn’t very often someone liked to spend even a sliver of time with him. Axl was the only one who could stand him. So he was going to relish in it for as long as he could. That’s why he kept thinking of him, or at least, that was what he assumed.

His thoughts seemed to be constantly filled with his presence. But thinking about that made him feel even worse. Especially with how that peculiar feeling from earlier trailed through his bones. The feeling of rejuvination rushed through him, just as if he had taken a warm shower. He was an angel, of course, so perhaps it was for that reason he was feeling better than he had before. Whatever it was, he wasn't sure he hated the feeling, but he was certainly clueless as to what it meant.

He stroked the space next to him and squeezed it before closing his eyes in exaspiration.

All he could do was wait for the feeling to pass.

During lunch, the trio of girls surrounded their group. Despite homecoming being over, they still stuck around. Zero didn’t know why, since Axl wasn’t even officially dating Palette. They still had the “just friends” label. But he guessed they were harmless. They talked, they giggled, but they never did anything that caught him off guard.

“Soooo, Zero, you single?” Palette asked, snickering. 

“Yeah.”

“That’s a shame, your hair is so pretty!”

“...No offense but guys don’t like their hair called pretty.”

“Boys. So sensitive.” Alia huffed. Layer and Palette nodded.

“And you call us whiny!”

“I ain’t ever say that!” Axl bolstered.

“Not you! Society!”

“I don't know anyone named’ society.”

“Ugh.”

“Ugh!” Alia and Palette rolled their eyes.

“What?!”

“Um… Zero…” Layer nervously chewed on her lip and stroked her straight black hair. Moving to scratch her face, she stuttered as she spoke, “Um, do you have anyone to study with?”

“I wasn’t really planning on studying anytime soon. Why?”

“Well… How about…We do um, homework together…?”

X peered over at Zero what felt like the first time that lunch period. He held his body tense, arms locked in position, and hunched over the table. Bold green eyes shimmering, he watched the scene unfold under his eyes.

He was waiting for something.

He opened his mouth to say yes, but a thought came to him.

‘Say no.’

But why?

‘I said so.’

That isn’t good enough.

‘Just do it.’

“Sure,” he said to Layer. Her face lit up and for a moment he could see her dark eyes clearly through her hair.

“T-thank you very much!”

“Why are you thanking me?”

“Um… Uh… I’m sure you’re busy…”

“Really I’m not. “

“Oh… Um… Can you meet up with me today? Uhm, afterschool?”

“Fine.”

He met eyes with X. He was smiling, but he couldn’t ignore that flicker in his eyes.

He knew this would happen, didn’t he? What was he doing?

As if listening to his thoughts, he smiled even wider.

Over the course of the day he was assigned a worksheet on piecewise functions fom math, a sheet from P.E. of a man with lines to label muscles, and a handout from English that needed to be circled, starred, and underlined.  
Layer was assigned the same things, except instead of a sheet from P.E. she had a biology textbook along with a study guide to fill out.

Double H was the name of the restaurant they were stationed at. It offered a selection of milkshakes, burgers, and fries. It’s been here a lot longer than Zero has. A few of the walls sported caricatures dating back to the ’80s. Of course, they weren’t celeberties by any means.The walls were barren and covered in dingy, pee-yellow wallpaper. Holes revealing the yellow stuffing inside were scattered across the surface of the chairs. A jukebox sat in the corner. The thing was absolutely coated in dust and probably hadn’t been used in ages..

“Mr. Signas is a pretty good math teacher, isn’t he?”

Zero shrugged. 

“He’s good at answering questions… And if you push him enough and he’ll fill out the entire worksheet.” She laughed.

“Hm.”

Silence passed. Zero was well aware of what he was doing, but nothing in him could force him to engage in more conversation. Well at least, he certainly felt that way talking about Signas. He was a nice teacher, but after staring at his face for long periods of the day, he would rather drink bagged milk than speak of him.

“I see you and, um X, have gotten close.”

“I guess.”

“He’s nice, isn’t he? I can’t believe he lived in New York… I would give anything to live there.”

“How come?”

Layer smiled, showing off her pearly white teeth. Probably ecstatic that he expressed an interest in what she was saying for once, “I want to be a singer. It’s my dream…”

“Going to be hard.” He didn’t know much about the entertainment industry, but he did know there were a few million people out there with the exact same dream.

“I know but… I really just want to, go for it you know? I don’t want to be stuck here. If the singing thing doesn’t work I might be a 911 technician. I think it would feel nice to be needed and to be helping people. I just can’t stay here. They think I don’t know, but the way they look at me…..It’s hard not to notice.”

“It’s not that you’re different. It’s just that they’re racist.”

“I know, but sometimes I wonder if they’re right. I’ve lived here just about all my life but I never really did pick up the accent… I’m terrible at baking and sewing, and they think my voice is not good enough for church.”

“I wouldn’t let a couple of old farts bring you down like that, “ he scoffed, “I know what church ladies are like. They get jealous and competitive, and have nothing better to do than compete on who has the best apple crumb recipe.”

“But-”

“Believe me, if you don’t belong here, I don’t belong here. I hate huntin’ I hate fishin’....god I hate this fuckin’ town.”

“Got that right.” she agreed and shook her head, “Palette used to beg me to go with her to fish all the time when we were little. Never really got it.”

“You’re just sitting there in silence and occasionally a leaf falls into the water. But my brother loves both of those things. The only thing he doesn’t have over me is that he doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

She giggled, “How about we change that?”

What?

‘Oh come on, you seriously didn’t see this coming?’ 

His violently shoved the thought aside. 

“What?” he said out loud.

Her face flushed, bright enough to see even against the darkness of her skin. 

“I-I mean, if you don’t mind, that is… But. I really like you. I want to… you know, go on a date. I was hoping we could go to the fall festival together, actually...”

Oh shit.

“...”

He had an odd dream that night. It was the same as it had been earlier that day. Sheets of homework and spare papers were spread out neatly on the table. Their conversation went the same way. The only change was when she asked him out, he said, 

“Sure. I’d love to.”

Really what he had said was,

“I’ll think about it.”

Why didn't he just say yes? Who knows. He certainly was a goddamn fool.

Then there was the second part of his daily suffering. Of course X, who invaded and integrated himself into just about every other part of his life, was featured. 

To be fair..he was trying his best to fufill his wish. Layer could be that person. He could almost feel her warmth next to him…

No, that wasn’t it.

“Aren’t you happy? Your wish is going to be fulfilled.” X hovered above him, his skin glowing, robes shimmering with iridescent sparkles. A halo of light surrounded his head, and his brown curls perfectly framed his face. 

“I don’t even know what it is. And whatever it is it has nothing to do with Layer.”

“You don’t know still?”

“No.”

“What is it that you most deeply desire? What keeps you up into the early hours of the morning?”

He was silent and thoughtful for a long moment, “You, mostly.” 

X blinked.

“Er, not like that.”

“Right. Why is it that you think so much of me?”

“I don’t know. But you are on my mind a lot. It seems that just about everything now comes back to you. Why? Why is that?”

“I don’t know,” X responded after a moment. “But what if it were what you fear most?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t.” He reiterated.

“If you say so. But I have a feeling that you really do.”

“I said I don’t,” Zero stated more firmly. “Don’t you got something better to do than be in my dreams?”

When he awoke, he vaguely remembered pieces of his dream, but he mostly felt sick to his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's chapter time!!!  
I'm going to be real here, I know things are getting dullm, but I'm working on it, I swear. next chapter will be more engaging and a lot less stagnet.


	6. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry"

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you… My one and only son.”_

A shiver went up X’s spine and a lump formed in his throat.

_“Hey, you! Fruitcake!”_

Stop.

_“I-I’m not a fruit cake!”_

_"Yes, you are!”_

Stop it stop it stop it-

_“How fucking dare you sweet talk my brother into your sick ways?! Don’t you know there’s a reason we lock people up like you?”_

_“You need to be sent out to the fruitcake factory!”_

_“N-no, please…”_

_“We don’t need you spreadin’ yer fuckin’ sickness.”_

_“Yeah! You’re 100% certifiable!”_

The radio turned on and belted out a tune. It’s singing spun around in his head. His heart squeezed, his knuckles stung and bruised, his heart rate quickened, his throat closed, his ribs cracked, his breathing sped up and shallowed, his nose broke and bled, and he throbbed and ached and oh please--

“X!”

He blinked, and his breathing soon slowed to a normal rate. He was on the ground, knees aching and heart thumping from the dull impact. He must’ve thrown himself onto the floor. Everyone stared at him. He gazed breifly around and found Zero’s confused face directed to him.

His heart started up again.

He stood up and dusted himself off.

“Excuse me for the interruption.”

“...Just… Don’t do it again.”

“Yes, sir… May I go out into the hall?”

“For?”

“A prayer.”

“...Well alright. I'll let you out for a few minutes, I reckon you need it.”

“Thank you, sir.”

He felt as if he was able to breathe again once he left. The flashbacks to back then had been getting worse and worse… at first, they simply appeared in his dreams… But now he would remember them during class--and it seemed each memory progressively became more violent. He rubbed one of his arms as if he could feel the cold straps tying him there, keeping him from escaping...

It isn’t uncommon for angels who have died violently to have flashbacks to how they died. Especially newer angels. Sometimes particularly gruesome deaths haunted angels for hundreds and hundreds of years. It had been happening less and less often--

Until he was cursed back down here.

Having a violent fit like that made him worried. He didn't have to worry about that since--

_“Fruitcake! Fruitcake! Fruitcake!”_

_“Quit spreading your disease you fucking homo!”_

_“Get out of here!”_

Stop.

He took a deep breath and knelt. Clapping his hands together and squeezing his eyes shut, he uttered his prayer.

“Oh lord…”

He prayed for his forgiveness, for what felt like the hundredth time. It seemed these days he was only full of sin. It was because of his sinful thoughts that he was sent down here, and it was for the sinful ways he died. Sometimes he wondered if he was even worthy to be in heaven when it seemed as if most were much more worthy in terms of their deeds during life. 

Really, he was not even supposed to be here. He’s had several dreams, over and over and over. It seemed that each time he was only warned he would be down for much longer.

But he couldn’t pull himself from Zero without knowing he would be alright...

“I just need to know he will be okay Lord…” he finished. “Please watch over him as you watch over me. In the name of your son, Jesus, I pray, amen.”

Zero intercepted X in front of the lunchroom..His face, furrowed with his lips pursed, seemed to be concerned. X noticed his lapis eyes were even more stunning than usual.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Huh? O-Oh, I’m fine.” X stuttered, hoping he wasn’t blushing.

“Sure didn’t look like it in class. Yer face was pale of a sheet in there. You sure you’re alright?”

He nodded, “Yes, I’m fine.”

“...I don’t believe you.”

“Oh?”

“I thought you said you don’t like to lie. You’ve lied to me before, about not knowing who my guardian angel is.”

“...” Well of course he knew who it was. But telling him meant having to tell him the full truth of why he was down here.

It meant telling him why he had to hide things. 

“I can’t tell you that…”

“...Fine, I’m sure you have your reasons. But I have the right to know eventually.” That wasn’t a question.

X nodded. He knew he needed to tell him eventually. He didn’t need him to tell him that.

“Did you know Layer was going to ask me out like that?”

“...Yes,” he said truthfully.

“Did you tell her too?”

“No.” That wasn’t a lie. He didn’t tell her to ask him out… He hinted to it yes, but he never went beyond that.

“Why?”

“It has to do with your wish.”

“I don’t even know what it is! Have you been entering my dreams?!”

“Huh? No, I haven’t…?”

“...Then… never mind,” he said, turning away, “I said yes to her today. If that was part of whatever you’re wanting to do, I hope you’re happy.”

X stared at the place he left long after his long blonde hair swished away from him. 

He was cursed into loving him.

But really, how could you not?

Not only was he as beautiful as any angel in heaven, X ruly and truly admired him for all the perseverance on earth. How he stood up for himself and his beliefs. There was a lot to him, even his worries and insecurities X found to be endearing… He knew Zero wasn’t perfect, he knew he was clueless...he knew just about everything there was to know about him. His heart hurts and longs for him when he thought about how he curled up into his bed each night, caressing the empty space in bed and longing, wishing for someone to be beside him.

Of course, X was not happy that he accepted Layers' invitation. But at the same time, it wasn’t about him being happy, it was about Zero being happy. But when he’s happy, he found himself spreading with the infection of said happiness, so hopefully the same will happen.

He needed to tell him, he knows. He will once he had left this town. When Zero’s wish has been fulfilled, and X can rest easy, he would--even if he meant he couldn’t return to heaven for a very long time.  
But knowing that Zero would be happy made it worth it. It was his job to lead him on the path to the good life, after all. Was it sinful to try doing your best at your job?

He entered the cafeteria for a carton of milk.

So it appeared he would be going to the fall festival with Axl. Maybe it would be fun. Well, it could be fun if…

If…

He stood up, milk carton fell to the ground, white milk fluid creating a puddle on the ground.

Both looked up at him in shock.

“Are you alright man?” Axl’s voice echoed.

X nodded, in a daze. Oh no, not again, why so soon? 

“You forgot-”

Forgot, forgot, forgot.

He’d forgotten what his crush had looked like. Funny, the guy who threw his life away appears as only a simple mirage in his mind. Dark hair, dark eyes, whiter than white skin. He can’t remember the rest of his appearance, and the only thing in his mind to his name is the letter V. 

He ran and ran and ran. He didn’t know if they followed him, but he hoped not. 

_“Do you think it's so wrong for two men to love each other instead of looking for a dame?”_

_“Where did that come from?”_

_“I just wonder that's all.” X stuck his hands into his pockets and felt the cool nickel that sat within. It was his allowance for the week. Unknown to him at the time, it would be the last time he ever got a nickel to spend. _

_“Well, y’ know how they’d feel if hey caught us talkin’ ‘bout this. You know what it says in the bible right?”_

_He nodded, “If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them." He had read that line over and over and over again in his mind._

_“I don’t like to think the bible’s wrong ‘about nothing, but I think he missed the mark on that one.”_

_“W-what do you mean?”_

_“I know the way you look at me is like how a woman looks at a man. And I have to say, if the bible says its wrong, I'm not sure if I really wanna be right.”_

_“Oh V-”_

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!

Why couldn’t he escape that damned man? Why couldn’t he forget his sweet sugar-coated words, even when he knew it was him who tricked him in the end? Why must he be cursed to endure such torment?

Was this a part of your plan? Is my suffering to you worth it in the end? I don’t wish to curse you, but I can’t help but wonder why you would curse me with such emotions. Why? How far did your plan go?! Was I born condemned to love another man so I could go through the same sins again and fall in love with the man I am supposed to watch over and protect as his angel?! And if so, why would you let me when you know I would be banished for such a thing?!

He sighed and almost fell into another prayer, but something stopped him. He wondered if God had a good reason for the things he put him through. After all, he hadn’t come into his dreams to stop him. The angels in his dreams never said they were speaking on his behalf...

All he could do was go with is his gut. If trying to do the best for Zero was the right thing to do, he would do it for him.

It was sad that he knew that even if he wasn’t an angel, he would never fall for him. He was straight, as he had said. He had no reason to doubt it, he's even had a girlfriend, and with how short-lived that romance was, he truly felt he liked her. He was indeed completely infatuated with girls, and yet… He could only curse himself because he was in love with him still. He wanted to protect him like no other. And wanted to see him be happy unlike anyone else. He needed to remind himself, day after day after day that his happiness and well being is what at stake here. His own selfish matters don’t matter nearly as much as Zeros.

Banished or not, punished or not X wanted him to have the thing he never could have himself and never would have. Someone to love and hold in the early hours of the morning. Someone that made your day sweeter, colors brighter, and food taste even better. Even how short-lived that feeling was, X felt it once. Even with how brief and how quickly it soured… He could say it was lovely. 

In fact, he didn’t want him to fall for him. It would better for him, in the end, to never fall for him. He didn’t want him to deal with the extra grievances that were on earth. He’d heard many tales from his fellow angels of how they were shamed from their parents and sent out. Which, in X’s opinion, was a lot better than what he had to deal with, but still horrifying nonetheless… what kind of parent would shun their own son or daughter?

Someone who needed a stern talking to from their guardian. But even if their angels could do so, they probably wouldn’t.

“Are you okay?”

He blinked and gazed up at the direction of the voice. Of course, it was Zero. Face stoic as always. Luscious blonde hair flowing in the breeze like the most artfully spun silk…..

“I-I-I’m fine.” He stammered, letting go of the bark on the tree he didn’t know he was hanging onto.

“...You don’t look fine.”

X’s gaze turned to the ground. “Well… I’m not fine.” He confessed.

“Yeah, I know.”

“...”

“You don’t have to talk about it.”

“Well... I kinda don’t want to.”

“That’s fine. But you should be going back before you get in trouble.”

“I don’t care about that.” X sighed, “I care more about you getting in trouble.”

“...I don’t get you sometimes. I don't get why you pretend to care about me so much.” Zero said.

“You think I’m pretending?”

“...No...No that’s not it.”  
He paused, lips twitched for a moment and then, switching the topic,“ You having a rough day or something?” he asked.

“Yeah... “

“If you don’t care about getting in trouble, why don’t you just skip?”

“Skip…?”

“Leave.”

“Oh. Oh! Well...I don't know about that. It’s wrong, isn’t it?”

Zero shrugs, “Not like it matters either way. Not like you have any need for grades.”

“No, I suppose not… It just feels wrong.”

“I’ll go with you, if you want.”

X shook his head, “No, no, you should stay here. You need your education.”

“...Speaking of which. How is it?”

“Huh?”

“Being here. The school and all. You went to one when you were alive, right?”

“...It’s different. Seeing the world from above the clouds and watching how strange everything is, well, it’s different than seeing it yourself.”

“That makes sense.”

“You don’t have kids with dirty hair or holes in their shirts because their families can’t afford anything new. You don’t have kids running off because they need to help their families during the harvesting season...”

“Harvesting season? Thought you lived up north in New York.”

“I did… But they needed to help the rest of their families too you know.”

“Hm… Sure you’ll be fine going back?”

“...Well no, but It’s my obligation, isn’t it? To go back?”

“S’pose so. If I were you, I wouldn’t bother.” he faced the school building.

“But if I didn’t, I wouldn’t get to see you.”

Zero snapped back at him with wide eyes and then narrowed back into his stoic likeness.

Oops. 

He shook his head, “That’s why you’re weird. Why would you want to go through this hell hole to talk to me?”

“...” he could scream all of the things that made him wonder, but he had already gone too far on the night of that dance when he told him he admired him. Which he does, but going any further would freak him out if it wasn’t already. 

“Whatever. Come on then, if you freak out like that again, remember to take deep breaths. Or pray or something, to get your mind off of whatever it is.”

“...Thank you.”

“For what? I didn’t do anything.”

“It’s nice to know someone cares.”

Zero quickly turned away. “Of course I care. Not like I want you to have a bad day. I don’t hate you.”

“Nice to know that.” X chuckled.

_But you don’t care about me the same way I care about you either._

As much as X did attempt to keep that sinful part of him a secret in heaven, it seemed that everyone knew how he died and why he did. What was also not a secret was the fact there were ones that despised him for being so. Some had openly sympathized with him, stating they died alone with no one or pretended to be something they were not or years, marrying and having children.

X hated the idea of that. He hated the idea of being stuck as something you weren’t, and never truly could be. But he was also jealous that he never even had the chance to pretend to be something he wasn’t. He had been tricked by him, and he died with black soot of sin forever staining him.

He was a sinful being. _He had to be._ Otherwise, God wouldn’t have let him die from such a thing. At least, he’d like to think that there would have been some divine intervention. He couldn’t think of any other reason to deserve his death. It was the only logical explanation. 

They were all envious of the humans that could live their lives without hiding away for so long. X knew this because he too had joined their prayer circles to wash away the sins of envy that grew along their skin and seethed into their pores. X was never an envious person and that carried into death, but sometimes even he succumbed into despair.

To be in their position would be the cat's meow. 

But even with how there were nearly not enough people he could get along with, X had his friends. He loved heaven. He loved flying through the white clouds. He loved the friendly people, and he loved to spend his time away from his duties when things were dull or when Zero was sleeping. The skies encompassed all of the heavens and there were always things to do. Listen to the greatest writers latest works, view the galleries of the most prized artists, watch epic battles between amazing athletes--everything in between. Much to the dismay of the newest additions though, there were no light-TV’s.

“Man, this is heaven but you don’t got a TV?” one of them asked.

X thought that he missed the point of heaven. What was truly heavenly was the flowers made of silver and rubies and precious gems and the rivers of liquid gold. To take attention away from that would be beside any points to be made. 

He thought about the starry skies. Watching Zero curled up in bed through the clouds and being enveloped of the light of the oh-so-close moon was a calming routine. Underneath a sparkling willow, the gaze of the moon made the diamonds that grew from it shine eerily.

“X!”

“Hm?”

The class giggled and the female teacher scowled angrily at him.

“Hm? HM? Have you not been paying any attention?”

“A-ah… Sorry, Ma’am…”

“What is the answer to the question on the board?!”

He blinked at it.

“I don’t know.”

“You would know if you were paying attention!”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The school was too different from how he experienced it… about 87 years ago, give or take. But, it was nice. It really was.

X grasped the book by the very tips of his fingers and slammed the book with enough force to make a dull smack sound. He loved that sound. He loved everything about being in school again after so long. He loved the cartons of milk and the kids that interrupted class and fed up teachers. He loved-- well, _appreciated_\-- the smell of cologne, sweat, eraser dust and old gum. He loved how cold it was inside the buildings--enough to make him shiver. He loved all of it. He knew why Zero hated it so much, he disliked going to school when he was his age. Well, still his age, technically. 

He was still in awe of how everything was different. The chalkboards were gone, replaced with broad white surfaces. Instead of chalk, teachers used markers that didn’t squeak against the writing surface and wiped it away with erasers that didn’t seem to need to be clapped. If they did, he would bet they would have a few students do that during lunch. There were also… things that teachers would use so the whole wall would be flooded with light. Projectors…? Yeah, that’s what Zero said they were called. Classes were split by age, there were new books and supplies... And as much as he hated to admit it, seeing Layer for the first time had caught him off guard. Of course, he knew schools were no longer segregated, but it was still startling to see the gift for himself.

It was kind of sad how she was the only one. He supposed that in a way, nothing had changed at all. He wondered if the old school he went to was still there. He hoped not. Maybe he’d check once he’s granted Zero’s wish… 

Then he could leave him alone for good. Someone else could take over to watch him… 

He hoped whoever would take the job would do it fine. 

He hoped God had some sort of great plan for him that X wasn’t getting in the way of. 

But he could hope, and he could think different all he wanted, but it didn’t and couldn’t change the fact that the way he cared about Zero was not the same.

As the day droned on, they walked home together. As the scenery from today faded from X’s mind, he went inside the lowly abandoned house full of dusty old furniture and pictures of families and relatives. The place had been falling apart and littered with bugs before X had come here, but at least now the place was livable after he fixed it up.

How much of this could he take? How much would he need to take?

‘ It doesn’t matter,’ he told himself. 

Because he is Zero’s guardian angel and because he loves him so, he would do anything to lead him to the right path. Even he knows Zero would be disgusted with him, and rightfully so.

You could never force two people to fall in love with each other, but he would do the best that he could. All for Zero. All for his wish. So he can fully spread his wings. So he can live the fantasy of living as a star crossed lover in the big city. Not having enough money for food, but their hearts full; thy cups runneth over. 

He deserves to live a better life than he ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taking a break for the next 6 days. Hope y'all have a great halloween on the 31st! it's the time of year when jack skellington leaves halloween town to traumatize kids for his own amusment :)  
*reads note* Oh yeah! Where you expecting that? When will Zero find out I wonder...? Things are starting to pick up a bit in terms of plot, it ((((hopefully)))) won't be too much longer where I'll be able to break someone, bend them completely out of their molds and squash them like a bug :))))))))  
November is coming! And you know what that means? National Novel month! In which the writing masocists of the world try to write 50,000 words (that's 1,600 a day) in 30 days! I am going to take and fail the challenge! What about youuuuu?


	7. The fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axl eats fried twinkies, X wins a stuffed sloth, and Zero gets some action.

X had been acting weird ever since he had fallen out of his chair. His eyes were wide, and his face was paler than a ghost’s anytime he looked back at him. Zero wondered what had gotten into him. He seemed to bottle up whatever was irritating him, refusing to bring up the problem. Well, maybe he didn’t refuse, no, but he certainly made it clear he didn’t want to talk about whatever the issue was.

He had passed a note during 2nd period asking him about it. 

_“Why have you been mouthing fruitcake to yourself?”_

_“What?”_

_“Fruitcake. You’ve been saying fruitcake over and over to yourself. Did you eat a lot of fruitcakes and miss the taste or something?”_

After a few minutes, he got his response back.

_“No. Fruitcake tastes terrible. Dad used to get those all the time during the holidays. They’re dry and the nuts taste bitter."_

_“So why do you keep doing that?”_

Another few minutes.

_“I don’t want to talk about it… Sorry. I wasn’t even aware I was doing it.”_

Well, that was fine, Zero supposed. He couldn’t force him into revealing anything. He must be fine to at least some degree; he hadn’t freaked out again. But the way he carried himself made it seem as if he was shameful.

Sad, if you wanted to go there.

He didn’t know how else to put it.

He wondered what fruitcake tasted like. Wily got sent one around Christmas one year and promptly threw it in the trash can as soon as he saw it.

“I don’t need garbage,” he had said.

Maybe he should ask. He hadn’t been asking him a lot of questions. He wondered if it had anything to do with Layer, the two events, him putting up invisible walls-

No, no... He shouldn’t think about this now when he was on his way to his… date, or whatever. 

His first date since middle school. He would go out and laugh in Bass’s face while he hung out with his friends (and likely he’d try to kick his ass when they got back home). The dates were fun, but things of the past. 

Maybe Layer would hint at a prize she wanted while they were there.The only game he was good at was darts, so hopefully that would the game she wanted a prize from. The other games he sucked at.

Axl, on the other hand, was looking forward to the food. He blabbered on at about fried twinkies while Red drove them. 

“Fried twinkies? Do you want to die at the age of 30 ‘cause of a heart attack?”

“Yeah. I want to clog my arteries full of fat.”

Zero snuck a look at X who had the faraway look in his eyes again. He snapped his fingers.

“Earth to X?” 

“Mm!” he jumped and snapped into reality “Sorry…” X blushed. 

Zero shook off the feeling in his stomach at the sight of his expression.

“Fried twinkies--yes or no?” Axl jumped in.

“...Fried twinkie?” X furrowed his brow and lips pursed. Zero again overlooked how that made him feel, chalking it up to nerves for the upcoming date.

“How would that work?”

“They cover it in batter and fry it.”

“...But why?”

“Cause it’s delicious! If you go to a fair, you gotta eat a’ fried twinkie!”

“Yeah, no. No one but you thinks that. That’s disgusting,” Zero snapped.

“You’re the disgusting one! You don’t even like funnel cake! What’s wrong with you?”

He didn’t like funnel cake. The only soft spot he had to fried food was fried Oreos--but he wasn’t going to tell him that.

“Fried food’s too greasy.”

“What about fish?”

“That’s different.”

“No, it isn’t! X, back me up here, aren’t the two the same?”

“...They’re both fried right?”

“See!”

Zero rolled his eyes, “Whatever.”

“You just don’t want to admit you’re wrong!”

X quietly snickered to himself.

“You went to a fair before, X?” Zero asked, changing the subject. 

“...Only once before…” X said mystically.

“It’s fun right?” Axl butted in.

“Yeah.”

“I love the ride that you go on that flips you upside down!”

“Yea- Wait, what?”

“You know! I don’t know the name but its the one where you have to ride with someone, and it flips you upside down and you’re like in a cage-- it's rad.”

“...I thought there were only games and food and animals at fairs.”

“Nah man! The best parts are the rides! I mean, there's also the crap you were talking about. Some dude brings in a pig you can win if you guess the correct weight… What kind of a’ fair ain’t got any rides?”

“...I suppose the ones I’ve been too.”

“Talk about weird.”

Red spoke up again while Zero stared out the window. He hoped that the fair would open his eyes a bit on what his wish was. Maybe even wash away whatever that weird warm that occasionally passed by him ever since that night he lay awake. It wasn’t even that whatever it was felt bad, but something inside of him felt as if the feeling was concerning. Was it?

_“Yes,”_ it whispered again.

Then why won’t you tell me what it is? He asked back annoyed and swishing away the bad vibes that crept up his spine and took rest around his brain.

_“You know.”_

Why does everyone say that? Of course I don’t know!

_“Just because you choose to ignore the feeling doesn’t stop it from being there.”_

He knew that the voice in his conscious was most likely right, but there simply wasn’t any words to describe the confusion he felt. What meaning did it serve being there? 

Maybe he’d find out the answer out soon enough.

The sun was still up, but it was slowly lowering itself to the horizon. Soon the sky would be painted a dark black with starry imprints. Lights turned on and flashed and flickered. People squealed on rides that spun, and crowds milled around. Pop music played, the smell of food was sweet as they walked past the stalls, and children skipped as they held the prizes their parents won for them. 

Zero’s eyes lazily gazed around, looking for Layer’s presence. He caught the glimpse of a darkly colored hand waving at him. She was very cutely dressed in a purple knitted sweater with a black skirt and converse shoes with a silver purse slung across her chest.

She looked nice. He probably looked the same as he always did. He wasn’t aware he had to dress up. His saving grace was that his hair was in a nice, clean braid--X had started braiding it during lunch the other day--and he hadn’t taken it out since then. Wily hated how “girly” it looked but Zero liked how low maintenance it was. 

“Hey, there stranger!” Layer said cheekily.

“Hey.” He responded and stuffed his hands inside his jeans pockets.

“What do you want to do first?”

“You take the lead,” he responded.

“Let’s do the Ferris wheel last.”

“Why that last?”

“‘Well,” she explained, “it’s such a nice and relaxing ride, and all the other ones are so exciting, you know? I like to think of it as a great way to end the day. It leaves things on a nice note.”

Zero shrugged, “Whatever.”

She rolled her eyes, “That’s so typical of you to say.”

“It is, isn’t it?!”

“Oh. Hello Axl,” she said, with a bit of edginess to the end of her voice. 

“Hey! X is also here, by the way.”

X weakly waved and seemed uncomfortable.

"Anywho, have fun lovebirds. Remember to use protection!”

Zero leaned over and smacked the back of his head.

“Ow!”

“Shut yer damn mouth ‘fore I shut it for you.”

“Ooh, you know he's angry when his accent is gettin’ real thick.”

“Go on and git awready.”

“Fine, fine. Come on X, I want some fried twinkies.”

Axl grabbed X’s wrist and dragged him away.

“Sorry. Axl’s a’ idiot..” he muttered.

“Hm. I already knew that. You know, I think him and Palette would be great together, but they keep dancing around it.”

“I don’t think he could ever be mature enough for a relationship.”

“Probably not,” she giggled. “What do you want to ride first?”

“...How about the haunted house?” Zero picked at random.

“Fits the season. Sure! Why not? Oh, by the way, what were you going to do for Halloween?”

“Same thing like every year. Axl gets a real kick out of trick or treating. The only other guy I know who has as big of a sweet tooth as him is my brother.”

“Not into sweet things?” she asked.

“Not really,” he said.

“I like sweet and salty. Sometimes I dip pretzel sticks into jars of Nutella and eat it like that.”

“Sounds tasty. “

“It has the perfect balance of sweet and salty. Salted caramel is also heavenly,” she sighed.

“I’ll eat the chocolate candies- peanut butter cups n’ all that. I jus’ can’t stand pixie sticks and stuff. It’s just pure sugar.”

“I know this sounds weird, but my favorite candy is Dots.”

“Dots?”

“I know, but I can’t help it. I also really love gummy bears so it's maybe just gummy candies… But for everyone else, it's the candy they eat last.”

“You’re right about that. But there’s a type of candy for everyone I guess. I used to like Cookies and Cream when I was a kid…”

After a moment he spoke again while milling around in the line.

“Don’t ever argue with Axl about candy bars.”

“Why?”

“He insists that M&M’s are a type of candy bar.”

“What?!”

“I know.”

“They are not! They are not in a bar shape. They’re like… pieces. It’s like saying starburst is a type of candy bar.”

“Believe me, I know.”

The haunted house ride was the lamest thing Zero had ever been on. The scariest part was when the guy supervising the cars at the end jumped at them. It didn’t scare Zero as much as Layer since he’d seen him do it earlier. She squealed and giggled her way through the entire experience and held onto him tightly until they got out. He didn’t mind, he supposed.

They met up with Axl and X again after that. They went onto the Ferris wheel together. The atmosphere was uncomfortable, though, which made Zero unsettled. X stayed unusually quiet and Axl was refusing to look him in the eye, which meant something had most likely happened. That was fine, X was used to keeping his secrets, but Axl was absolutely horrible with them. He couldn't keep his damn mouth shut. It was something Zero learned quickly and didn’t need to repeat. 

It would be a matter of time before he’d break. But until then, he could wait.

After that, they went on a myriad of rides as the night grew slowly colder and the night darker. They went on a car ride that was Hawaii themed and spun them around, and Zero won her a Charmander plushie in a game of darts. They ate a hamburger and hotdog and shared a plastic cup with a large curly straw of lemonade. It all was… surprisingly a lot more fun than he was expecting, really. Not that he was wanting to have a bad time. But he didn’t think he would have such a nice time together with Layer.

And away from X.

And Axl. Could never forget him.

They seemed to have less of a good time. They awkwardly sat around and X was completely silent on the boat ride they all went on together. It was a large pirate ship that spun around and went back and forth. He thought he’d get a kick out of it the drop in the stomach you get from going up and down and down again. But he almost looked guilty as he stared into Zero’s eyes.

The worst ride, at the end of the day, was the haunted house. All the others weren’t as bad. The only ones they didn’t go on by the end were the ones for little, little kids and the cranium shaker. Now for the Ferris wheel. Thank goodness the place was going to close soon--his feet were sore.

“So, what’s your Halloween costume?” Layer asked Zero as they now stood in line for their final ride. 

“I got sumthin’ cheap at Walmart. One of those werewolf ones.”

“I think you’d be a handsome werewolf.”

“Thanks,” he guessed. “What are you?’

“I’m going to be Jessie from team rocket. Alia and Palette and I are having a contest to see who can make the best costume.”

“I see. What are they?”

“Alia’s going to be… I don’t know, actually. She said it’s going to be a surprise. But I know Palette was going to make a Pikachu onesie. She’s going to look downright adorable!”

“Mm. I didn’t know you liked Pokemon so much.”

“Oh well, it’s nostalgic for me. I used to play it on the DS all the time as a kid. I still have it, I think. It’s somewhere…”

“Never got a DS.”

“You were a deprived child.”

He shrugged. 

“What games do you play?”

“Ordinary stuff. Not very exciting. I mostly play whatever Axl’s obsessed with since he always bugs me to play with him. Plus, I gotta practice to crush him…”

She giggled, “Palette’s a total geek about gaming. She plays games and will say things about the art direction or design or how they did certain things with the graphics. I don’t really care about things like that much. I’m… casual, I guess. Alia, on the other hand, is a total science geek and is more interested in the hardware then she would be in the games' actual design. Not that she’s really that big of a player. She likes to watch us play but that's it.”

“Hm. I just play the game. I think Axl’s the same way.”

“What about X?”

“Kind of a newbie. He doesn’t really… Play games that often.”

“Ah, I see.”

“..." He thought about telling her that he was having a good time. Maybe it would come across like he was expecting to have a horrible time, though. Which…

The more he thought about it, the more he realized it was true. He was expecting to have an awful time. But why? He didn’t hate Layer. He treated her like… most people that he could have decent conversation with.

“Because it’s not X.”

That doesn’t make any fuckin' sense.

“If you would just stop to think, you would realize the difference between them.”

Fuck you.

“Zero we’re next!” she grabbed his hand and pulled him along. He let her do so.

The seats were cold, but that was fine. Layer was looking up above everything with amazement. She took her phone out and snapped a picture, furiously tapping on her screen. He leaned over a bit and saw her posting it onto her social media page. He leaned back and tried to soak in the scenery. 

Bright lights twinkled and flashed on the dozen or so rides. The stalls were filled with warm light from the kitchens inside, and a few large lights here and there were sprinkled to make the place not a hell to walk around in. It was small, really small from up high. 

“The colored lights are so pretty, aren’t they Zero?”

“...” he nodded.

She looked up.

‘Did you know that the first star you see at night you’re supposed to make a wish on?”

He shook his head, it sounded stupid to him but he would go along with it, “I didn’t.”

“Try it.”

“...” he glanced up and fixated on the first star he saw in the speckled sky. He had not the foggiest idea on what to wish for and his mind was a total blank. While he was trying to think and reach for even the most stupid of wishes, Layer spoke again.

“What did you wish for?”

“...” he opened his mouth, but he didn’t have the chance to say anything before she quickly said, 

“No, no n-never mind. I forgot that if you say what it is, it won’t work.” 

He shrugged.

“If I were to wish for something…” she leaned in closer. Zero glanced at the space between them and how it grew smaller and smaller before her eyes that had speckles of colors from the lights were not even an inch away. 

He felt like he should be feeling something besides amusement in this situation. She was clearly going for a kiss. But should he lean in? Was she going to lean in? He didn’t know. He knew he was likely to feel something other than the coldness from the seat. He should feel some sort of excitement, right? Maybe his heart pounding furiously in his chest, since she was looking at him with hearts in her eyes, her lips plump and her cheeks red under her dark skin. But he didn't feel much more than a faint heartbeat. Maybe that came with the-

“I would wish for the moment to last forever.”

And she leaned in.

____

“Yo! Z!” Axl waved to Zero for a moment. In X’s arms was a large stuffed sloth. Zero couldn’t help but use the chance to tease him once he waved his final farewell to Layer and up Axl to catch a ride from Red.

“You won a prize for your boyfriend?”

“What?! Ew! Gross! No!”

If Zero was to be sure, X had flinched for a second. Maybe that was his imagination being overactive though. 

“He won it. Not me.”

“Oh.”

“Y-yeah.” X stammered, “It was easy.”

“Good job.” Zero said, bemused.

“Thanks.”

“So anyway! How was your date? Get any action?” Axl grinned like a sly fox and elbowed him. Zero rolled his eyes.

“Just a kiss.”

“Ooh!!! A kiss! Hear that X?”

“...” X smiled half-heartedly. “I did.”

Zero paused for a moment, “Axl?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you supposed to feel anything in a kiss?”

“Kinda fuckin’ question is that? Have you ever read a romance novel?”

“No. Have you?”

Axl stared at him before he moved on.

“X, you’ve kissed someone before, right? What did it feel like?”

“A-ah… It’s kind of cliche but well, it was kind of like in romance novels where I had the flutters in my stomach and it felt like fireworks going off… it was… really warm.”

“Warm?” Zero he said with wide eyes.

“Yeah.” X was in a daze for a moment before he froze back into reality. “You alright Zero?”

“... I’m fine.”

“Don’t get all sappy on me. I can’t fuckin’ stand that romance junk,” Axl fumed.

“I think love is beautiful,” X said quietly.

“Gross.”

“This is why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“I was close though!” Axl cried with indignance.

“Close only counts in horseshoes and dancing.”

“I think you said that expression wrong,” X said with a smile.

“Probably.” Zero shrugged-- also with a smile.

On the ride home, Axl fell asleep with the low hum and warm darkness of the car. Zero wasn’t sure he could blame him--he was feeling sleepy himself.

Red’s front seat was full of mail and papers, but instead of moving them, they all coddled together in the backseat. X was squashed in the middle and was still cuddling with the sloth.

Zero felt very aware of the arm that he was brushing against, along with his soft, soothing breathing. He wore a serene expresssion--his eyelids flickered with the colors of the streetlights as he leaned further into the sloth for warmth. He sighed. It wouldn’t be long before they would need to slow down. It was dangerous to speed too fast at night--deer could bound out of nowhere, and the car would be utterly and completely fucked.

“...” His emotions were merging around in his stomach as he looked back at X’s face. He should be worried that he felt a fuck of a lot more sitting in the car next to him with their arms brushing against each other than kissing Layer, right? Was something wrong with him? Or was the feeling just derived from embarassment?

Why was this all so confusing? This was why he didn’t like dealing with crushes and all this other bullshit. Love and emotions and all that other shit never seemed to be worth the hassle it was.

But he knew he was not in love with X--no, just the thought made his body almost vibrate with red hot tremors. It was a fallacy. He knew such a thing was impossible…

It couldn’t be.

_“You really are an idiot.”_

Shut the fuck up.

_“If it isn’t that, then what else could it be?”_

Should I have a reason to believe it would be something else?

_“Moron. Listen to yourself already and grow up.”_

…

He knew it just couldn’t be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Nanorimo's going great- already at 10k words. Hope you weren't waiting for too long now. Oh you waited 10 days? that's sweet. you're sweet. I can't believe you waited so long for wittwe ol' me.  
Oh you didn't? well thats fine too. I'm just glad you're here.


	8. Zero is not gay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But now he isn't so sure...

X was acting strange again. 

Zero supposed he should be used to his odd behaviors, but it still was peculiar. X appeared to want to keep him on his toes. 

He had not walked with him nor Axl home even once all week. He was in a state of isolation rather than one of fear. Like the dread and emptiness that was inside of him was drained and replaced with heaping scoopfuls of anxiety. He wasn’t sure if that was really any better. 

Halloween was today, but X announced during lunch he wasn’t feeling up to go out with them. Zero tried to tell himself that it was fine, but he then came to the startling realization that in reality, he was disappointed.

Which didn’t help at all with what he was already dealing with. He didn’t believe that he liked Layer, which was fine. But…

He was still coming to terms with it, but he really couldn’t shake the feeling that he might have feelings for X.

Not a pleasant realization in his book. That opened the floodgates for a lot more problems-- for one, he would absolutely be kicked out of his house. Vile, _who still kept fucking with him_,would eventually find out if things continued they way they did. He knew he probably wouldn’t be taken seriously…

Who knows if X would even feel the same way. He was the one who was trying to hook him up with Layer.

...But that was just in case he actually did like him. He might. Probably…

The only loser here was himself, really. And maybe Layer too. But she really wasn’t missing out on anything by losing his affections. She would end up moving on and finding someone who could take her to the big city and where she could sing to her heart's content. He really ought to tell her he wasn’t interested, but maybe it was the guilt of leading her into the kiss and not stopping talking to her that prevented him from saying anything.

Even still, he missed him. He missed him a lot.

That should have been a clue that his feelings weren’t completely platonic, but he still found himself searching for another reason.

Only this time, it wasn’t any good. He couldn’t think of anything.

Damn it.

There was a knock on the door by the time Zero had finally finished yanking the tough knots from his hair. Once he set down the hairbrush, he opened the door to Axl--who was standing there with bright eyes, nearly bouncing with excitement. His costume was one of those pajama-looking onesies of Yoshi from Mario. It’s head engorged him with it’s wide mouth.

“How do I look?” 

His costume was kind of lame. He was dressed in torn jeans with a plaid shirt, along with a set of wolf ears and a tail. He also had a pair of paws that worked as gloves, but they got sweaty after a while so he had put them away.

“Oh-em-jii you look great Becky.”

Zero rolled his eyes. “I’m being serious.”

“Fine, fine. You look about the same-- ‘cept now you’re a furry.”

“Thanks.” He left to walk into the kitchen. Times like this he felt like he needed a can of beer (not that he wasn’t aware of how disgusting it tasted). Instead, he settled for a soda.

“Got any grub to eat ‘fore we head out?”

“Don’t you eat at Red’s house?”

“Yeh.”

“Why you o’er here beggin’ fore then?”

He shrugged, “Dunno.”

Wily materialized from the back of the house. He did a double-take when he saw Axl and Zero.

“It’s Halloween already?”

Zero and Axl looked at each other.

“...Yeah?”

Wily glanced at Zero for a moment.

“...Not bad.”

It seemed his costume was fine in his book. However, Wily did scowl as he looked at Axl up and down.

“The hell you dressed as boy?”

“Yoshi!”

“Hell is that?”

“From Mario?”

“Oh, that. I remember when…” he sighed and pinched the space between his grey and furrowed eyebrows- his glabella. “Shit, has it really been 30 years since then…w-when the game first came out?”

“Yeah.”

“...Means it’s been 30 years since I’ve seen Thomas too…”

“Who?”

“Mind your business.” Wily snapped. “Get me a coke from the fridge.”

Zero handed over the Coca-cola without a complaint. It was opened swiftly with a sharp hiss of air.

He remembered the first time he drank one around X.

_“I always wanted to drink a Coca-cola,” he said. “But I could never afford one… 5 cents was my entire allowance and during the crash, I didn’t even get that.”_

X…

Dammit.

“The fucks taking Bass so long to get ready?!”

“Mind your damn language. You should be thankful you have a ride at all.”

“Oh, awl be thankful ah’ right once he doesn’t take 20 years ta’ get ready.”

“I love how thick your accent gets sa’times Zero.”

“Swear to god Axl I’mma kill you one of these days.”

“Well you ain’t yet, so I think my odds of uh, not getting murdered are pretty safe.”

Bass emerged from the back of the trailer scowling. He was wearing a black robe with a hood attached and he held a white scream mask in his hand.

“Let’s go.”

“Finally.” Zero threw back the last of his Coca-cola into the trash can before getting up to leave.

Bass’s car was a used mustang from 1984 that Wily had spotted in some guys driveway one evening and bought without a second thought. Once Bass was driving age he just claimed it. To say it was a wreck on the inside would be too kind. Mcdonalds cups, coffee cups, cigarette butts...not to mention the cloth seats always had the hard stench of sweat and smoke. Plus he was a horrid driver, and an angry one (as always).

“Who was that Thomas guy Wily was talking about?”

Zero opened his mouth to reply, but Bass butted in.

“Was he talking about fucking Light again? Jesus Christ, you’d think he’s a faggot the way he gets worked up thinkin’ bout him.”

“Who the hell is he?”

“Supposedly Wily used ta’ work in the city as a doctor,' Zero explained.

“A doctor?!”

“Yup. In his room he still got a Ph.D. hung up the wall.”

“Why’s he here then and not out thare?”

“I’m gettin’ to that. His partner was a guy named Thomas Light. They were close. They met in college and used to have debates and study sessions together. But… Wily doesn’t like to give us the full story. There was a' surgery, the first one he ever did on his own, something was Light’s fault. He moved back to his hometown- here. years passed an' he just... never went back.”

“Huh. Reckon he’ll ever see him again?”

“Who knows, I sure don’t.”

“And I don’t care.” Bass piped up.

“You don’t give a shit ‘bout nothing.”

“True.”

Sometimes Zero wondered about Wily’s old work partner. He wondered if he was out there with a family and a house of his own. He probably had kids and still worked as a doctor.

“If he got a’ Ph.D. how come he working in the country as a substitute teacher n’a mechanic?”

“Who the fuck knows.” Zero responded.

“Both of you shut up, I’m tryna drive here!”

The Halloween dance was flooded with little kids and parents. He did see the occasional student from his school, though. Zero saw Lumine, the weird kid, dressed as the Chuckie doll from Child's Play. He also saw Gate, another fucking weirdo, dressed as a mad scientist. But, to be fair, he already acted like one from what he had seen.

Alia he saw was dressed as zombie Peach. She really went all out, crafting the dress so the bottom was red and coated in blood. Her face was done with makeup to look bloodied and decayed. Axl and Palette looked like two peas in a pod in their respective onesies. Even though he did technically have Wily's approval, Zero felt awkward in his costume.

The other thing he had noticed was the lack of energy he felt while around Layer. Instead of a rush of excitement when she grabbed his hand or an internal spike each time he brushed haphazardly past her breast, there was only a dull hum thrumming through him. Every train of thought seemed to long to come back for X instead. Like thinking about him alone would make him materialize. 

He couldn’t help but wonder what the fuck had gotten into him. He really ought to tell Layer to call it off. She leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek, and Zero desperately grasped for straws that read that he felt something-- anything-- for her. 

But his hand was left almost empty. 

The cars outside had parents handing out handy from the back of their trunks. Some were decorated in various decorations. Some were even themed. Principal Sigma was handing out candy while dressed as Darth Vader, which Zero felt to be appropriate (but that was his hatred for him talking).

Meanwhile on the inside, the monster mash played, and you could decorate cupcakes with halloween themed sprinkles and neon orange and green icing. Tables were decorated with decorations in the same vein. Axl tried bobbing for apples but mostly just got a wet face and hood. It was funny to see him desperately grab at them with his teeth. Palette also turned out unsuccessful in her attempt to grab it. In a twist of events, Alia was victorious and devoured the granny-smith apple in just a few bites. Her makeup smeared a bit, but if anything that only added to the zombie look. Vile showed up at one point dressed as Luke Skywalker. Zero thought it would be more fitting if he dressed as Darth Maul or something, as he certainly wasn’t suited to be a Jedi. 

It wasn’t very long before Axl suddenly announced that he was bored, and he started pleading and begging for Zero to leave and explore the nearby hollers.

“What for?”

“Doesn’t it sound fun?”

Zero thought about it for a moment.

“No.”

“Aw come on!”

“I said no.”

“Plleeaasssseee?” he begged.

He sucked a breath through his teeth and blew it out whilst rolling his eyes at him for what felt like the millionth time.

“You’re so fucking annoying sometimes.”

“I’ll take it as a yes,” Axl smirked. “You think they’d give us candy if we knocked?”

“No, I don’t.” Zero responded, “Come on. Let’s get going.”

“Hai~!”

The sun had already set and the air was already dropping to cooler temperatures. Axl occasionally grabbed a piece of candy from his Naruto themed candy bag (bought from Party city, of course) and discarded said wrapper into the contents of it. 

Zero felt increasingly stupid bobbing about the desolate woods, keeping his eyes out for snakes about the overgrown grass. Some of the yellowed, dry, patches were as tall as him as they traversed deeper into the thicket. 

As they started to get into deeper territory, Axl turned back a few steps and happily stepped over a large and rotting log that was covered in moss and mushrooms in the opposite direction.

“Where the hell are we going now?”

“I forgot there this old abandoned house this way. Juss’ remembered.”

“Why do you want to go that way?”

Axl gleefully grinned as they took a good amount of steps back into a deeper thicket. The sky was finally dark enough for him to pull out his flashlight. He positioned it over his chin so the shadows in his face became exaggerated and semi-threatening (although since it was Axl, the effect made him look more like a dumbass).

“I dare you to enter the house when we get there.”

“No.”

“Awwww-” Axl whined, “Come on! Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

“If you don’t yer a big chicken.”

“I already broke my arm being called a chicken when I was 9, I don’ give a fuck. I’m not Marty McFly from the Back To The Future movies. I don't get awl offended being called a chicken."

“You know if we weren't friends, I would be offended."

“I don’t remember being friends.” 

“Ouchie ouch ouch. You know what?! I’ve been wondering something.”

“Which is?”

“You joke with me all the time, but you don’t ever with X. How come?”

“...”

Why didn't he? He didn’t fucking know. He just... Never did. What was so wrong with that? But then again... Maybe Axl knew what these complicated feelings meant. The source of his worries and... stuff.

_‘Are you seriously still trying to deny it?’_

If you don't shut the hell up-

“...Axl.”

“Yeah?”

“...” Zero hesitated for a moment.

“....I don’t know, but what does it mean when your heart speeds up around someone? When you look at them and your face heats up? When you think about them when they aren’t there? That’s what a crush is, right?”

Axl nictitated as if surprised. Then he checked his nails and acted like he was thinking about it.  
“...yeah, it does kinda sound right. Is it Layer?" he asked innocently.

Something flickered behind Zero’s eyes and he jolted up for a moment before his expression turned perfectly the same as it usually was. 

“...God damn it.”

“What? What is it?”

Zero buried his face into his hands and let a long drawn out sigh.

“I’m so fucking screwed.”

“Huh? Why’s that?”

“I can’t tell you.”

"Holy shit are you not over that?! That was one time!”

“And every other time.”

“Whatever.”

Zero was silent for a few minutes. There were just too many words and feelings churning around in his head once again. 

It couldn’t be it, couldn’t be just, could not be it. 

_“But what else is it?”_

I can’t- I don’t know!

_“Come to terms with it already. You love-”_

I do not!

But thinking about X made his heart feel all heavy again.

“...Why isn’t X here? I don’t get it. What’s with him? He’s acting all weird again, and he canceled last minute.” He kicked a beer can into a bush. Axl gave him a weird look and turned back to face ahead. 

“Dunno dude. But you better not get all mushy on me-”

“Mushy? You know what- fuck off. Can we go back now? I want to go home and-”

“Look! Look! There it is!” Axl bounded off like a gazelle running from a wild cheetah and disappeared.

Zero wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but then he crawled his way out of the woods and could say for certain he wasn’t expecting Wily’s old house.

“Wily used to live here. It’s not abandoned, it’s owned by someone in the family.”

“If nobody goes inside, it’s been abandoned, idiot.”

“Hush.”

“What you think’s in there?”

“Bugs, dusty old shit.”

“Ew! No way I’m going in then!” Axl recoiled and shivered as if a pack of invisible bugs were crawling across his skin. They stared at each other for a moment, and Zero made sure to give him the most deadpanned look he could muster.

“Go in! Dare ya!”

“Ugh. Fine.” he rolled his eyes and Axl stuck his tongue out at him. 

The driveway of gravel crunched underneath Zero's feet as he approached. As he took a few steps to go onto the porch, they creaked and threatened to split. Stairs were coated in bright green moss. The wood in a few places was rotting and swelled with age, and the ferns that once hung up had fallen onto the ground, withering away and coating the porch with dirt. The swing, crooked and frayed, was hung by rusted old chains that could barely hold the thing above ground.

He glanced at the door. If the outside was like this, he’d hate to think that the inside was like. Still, with stupid courage, he thrust the door open by turning the frail handle. 

The door squeaked with surprise and--

_“Oh.”_

It was a lot nicer than he expected. He was expecting lots of dust and bugs and dirt, but it was quite homey. The chairs in the living room were angled in front of the TV while the couch was pushed to the wall along with 2 seats angled on either side. The light in the kitchen was switched on, immersing it in orange light. In said kitchen was a large dining table with short chairs, a gas stove, and an old-looking fridge. Approaching the fridge, he saw there was a calendar that read:

_‘December 2008.’_

A few dates were circled. There was a doctor's appointment on the 12th and a reminder for someone to take their pills. 

Zero tried to envision those Sunday lunches Wily talked about after going to church. Maybe there would be a light chatter as everyone gathered in one place, eating food. Little kids would be standing at the stove scooping some mac and cheese on a plate with cornbread. As more and more people entered, the people sitting at the table would look up from their meals and holler, 

_“Hey! We waited for ya!”_

People would laugh despite the joke being told every Sunday. Someone would get the bucket of ice cream from the freezer held in the back, and they would all eat ice cream with apple pie and chocolate cake someone or other had made.

“...”

He wondered what it would’ve been like. If the food was good, he might’ve been motivated to go to church just for the food.

He decided to go down the cramped hallway. In the first room, there was a bed and a sewing machine against the wall, covered in dust and surrounded by spools of thread, buttons, and needles. A bed lay with red and white stitched quilts woven together next to it. In the corner, a small doll sat and stared at him.

The second door was a bathroom. There was an angel statue with large doe-eyes on the sink. One of those "Precious Moments" figurines he hated. The eyes were too sad and dopey for his taste. He didn’t bother to tread any further.

The last door was closed. Probably another bedroom, he thought.

The room was wider than the other room, and a large engraved chest sat at the foot of the bed. There was a lump in the middle that looked like it was breathing-- wait, _hold on- is someone in here?!_

He lingered for a moment in panic. Was that why the house was so tidy? Was someone actually living here?

Wait--is that the sloth plush X won?

He froze once he saw X’s face.

Of course he had been living here. Where else would he be? Now that he thought about it, he didn’t even think that he had asked where he lived. Did he just picture him sleeping on a tree branch somewhere?

“...”

His heart floated lightly as he skimmed his eyes over his soft, peaceful face. It was selfish to complain that he hadn’t come due to his exhaustion. But he still did look beautiful and peaceful under the warm quilts…

His mind wavered in a few directions. Curl up with him, sleep next to him, wake him up, kiss him….

Kiss him? 

Now that was a new one. But his mind ran with it and egged him on the more he looked at his plush, calm, face.

God fucking dammit. He really was adorable, bundled up restfully under the quilts. The thoughts inside his head toppled over threateningly in his mind, but he was caught immobilized seeing him. The desire to do… something wavered through his body, but he felt heavy and warm trying to move.

Shit, shit, shit.

_“Do you need any more confirmation?”_

“...”

No. 

He might not be gay, not really, but looking at X really did evoke something in him.

Something close enough to the mark.

Goddammit.  
He really was screwed.

X’s face suddenly hitched and eyebrows shifted down. Zero nearly jumped back, heart racing. He didn't have a good enough excuse as to why in the world he would be standing next to him sleeping in a supposedly abandoned house.

_“Z-zero…”_

Zero tuned the rest out as he continued mumbing silently against the sheets.

“...”

He did just say his name right? For a horrible moment he thought he was awake, but no. He was sleeping still.   
Watching over him had probably been a headache. He was down here, wanting to help him out by setting him up with Layer, but now he was standing next to him, longing for X's touch. 

He’d been caught up in his own plight for a long moment, but the fact was X probably deserves someone better than the guy who once tried to punch his principal in the face when he was in 3rd grade. And just because he was gay didn’t mean he was into every guy he meets--he had his own standards.The long-haired bratty teenager with too thick of an accent from the hicks standing next to him dressed as a furry just wasn’t it. 

“...”

Still, he couldn’t stop himself from applying a chaste kiss to his forehead. His senses screamed at him to move deeper-- go for the lips, but he was asleep after all, so he avoided it. 

He missed as X’s expression loosened into a pleasant smile. He let himself lean closer into the sloth while mumbling sweet words to himself quietly.

He hoped he would be able to get some good rest. He deserved it. 

“Oh finally thank fuck you’re back, I was about to have a panic attack.”

The sky was completely black. He should be worried about getting back home while surrounded by the inky darkness, but he didn’t care much about anything right now. He probably lost his mind back with X.

Axl grabbed his wrist, “it is colder than a witches tit. I want to get home, stay up until 3 am, and eat my damn candy."

Zero let him guide him back into the thicket of the woods, still a little too dazed at the fact he was finally piecing together the puzzle.

What the hell was he supposed to do now? Was he supposed to do anything? Did this ruin X’s plan? Was this a part of it?  
Somehow he doubted that last part. But then again, what would his reaction be if he knew…?

He sighed.

“You alright there Z?”

“I’m fine, Axl.”

“You sure? You do seem kinda sad, not gonna lie.”

“I’m fine.”

“Well okay.” Axl definitely didn’t believe Zero, but he didn’t believe it himself either.

“But you ever want to talk about something I’m here. ‘Kay?”

“I know.”

But he couldn’t tell him. How could he? Even taking the chance of being found out was too much.

_“Pansy.”,/i>_

_Oh shut up shut up shut up! Haven’t you done enough damage already?!_

_ _“You need to tell him. If you don’t, then it’s just going to bottle up inside until it explodes.”_ _

_I am not going to tell him. For how could you tell the angel who was trying to help you that you’ve fallen in love? How do you tell them so without being swept into a mess of anguish and rumors they have tried their best to help you avoid?_

_How could he?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow Zero got his head out of his ass?! Dang. He might actually get a braincell soon...


	9. He is Selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But even someone like him deserves happiness.

Maybe it wasn’t Axl’s fault that he was wading waist deep through this mess. He did apologize that night. He did try to make things better. He did win him that stupidly oversized sloth--even if he did lie about it to Zero. He loved that thing and, to his delight, would be able to take it back to heaven since it was a gift. 

If he ever was able to go back, that was.

But really- who was he kidding? He'd known it the moment that Zero had the gall to ask if he was supposed to feel anything in the kiss. Was he serious?! If he had to ask… If he seriously had to ask… It meant that he felt nothing for Layer. The possibility was always there, but it was always pushed back down into the depths of his mind. He had ignored the dulled look in his eyes as Zero stared at him through the cycle of longing. None of it matted anymore. It all meant that he totally and completely failed at helping him. And besides, Zero didn’t even want to talk to her all that much. He completely brushed her off with a few non-committal words and…well. It appeared that they hadn’t gotten any closer. 

He wondered how Layer felt through all of this.

“Dear Lord…Forgive me for the sins I have…” 

He ended up trailing off. He just couldn’t take the pointless agony anymore. The tears that fell from his face were red hot and excruciating. Why was he cursed to live life down this path? Why did the world hate him so?

He knew the answer. It was because he was a creature of sin--and because he was one, he recognized that he had to do as he was told and leave for his safety.

But he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him behind.

And so he must continue the song and dance he was forsaken into. He had the gall to wallow in self-pity, even when he knew that he could not blame anyone for his misfortune but himself.. Another punishment for daring to be so sinful. Lying to the ones he loves… now constantly stealing and groveling at the feet of the ones place above him…life was cruel indeed.

None of it was worth it anymore. He can’t force him to fall in love with anyone. He’s said it time and time again. Why is he so surprised still? Why can’t he get over it? 

His state only worsens to the point where the can’t bring himself to go out with Zero on Halloween. He felt sick to his stomach, far too sick. To think he would be fine watching him with Layer was a fallacy. 

He needed to get some air.

He stepped outside of the abandoned house he resided in and stares up to the sky. When he closed his eyes, he no longer felt the crisp air of earth, but rather the warmth from above in heaven where he could watch his beloved. He could spend forever wrapped in the soft clouds, longing for him there in security. At least there, he knew that Zero would be fine.

That is when it hits him.

The reason he was here all along was never for Zero. It was for his selfish endeavors. As much as he made himself believe that his actions on earth were all for him, he knew from his roots that that was a fallacy. Out of his own childish ignorance, he neglected to comprehend the reasons angels weren’t supposed to reveal themselves to those they were supposed to watch over on earth. Why they were not allowed to fall in love. The lust and love angels had for sinful beings such as humans was rooted in their own personal selfishness. When their souls became thirsty with desire, they no longer throught of what their humans needed. 

Of course Zero wanted to be loved. That hasn’t changed. But he doesn’t want love to be forced on him. He doesn’t want Layer. And he certainly doesn’t want him….  
He wondered… if his wish was not to be loved, what would he have done?

He is suddenly, and very painfully reminded of Axl’s words.

_“If you ask me though, you got a better chance at stealin’ his heart than purty ol’ Layer.”_

How could he even suggest something like that? Why would he even say something that X could hardly believe himself? He could give Axl credit for somehow picking up that he loves Zero-- and he is right that Zero doesn’t like Layer. He was smart enough to pick that up before Zero asked THAT question before they left the fair. If he didn’t feel anything at all through a kiss, the feeling wouldn’t change for a while. It could never change. But to even try to suggest that he could ever feel the same way as he does… That he could love him despite him being the monster he felt he was...

It hurts far too much to bear. Was that the reason he stuck around for so long? He secretly wished that if he got to know him, Zero would somehow inexplicably fall for someone like himself. Was he a fool?

He opened his eyes back to the calm and cloudy sky. He missed having the stars so close. They felt so far away now--like they were pushing him away from their presence.They reminded him of heaven with their brilliant presence--but at the same time, just thinking about that analogy made him feel as if he was drowning in a pool of solitude. The cold had made him breathless and kept him from drifting off into sleep. It itched at his skin and made him feel sick.. He wanted to cuddle with the large sloth and forget his troubles for the weekend. Possibly forever, if he could help it. He doubted he would show up to school.

He strained his eyes.

_‘Oh, Zero. I’m so sorry I failed you. I have done awful as your guardian angel. Soon I will tell you. I will tell you everything. Even if it threatens to eat me inside and kill me. I can’t expect you to forgive me for essentially deceiving you all this time, but I can hope to explain myself.’_

It’s awful of him, he knows, but damned Axl has brought his hopes up and now he can’t forget them.

Maybe that was what had him lying here in the muddy grass, listening to the bugs chirp. That damned what if. To live with no regrets means to cleanse oneself of that damned what-if. X is not able to clean himself. He knows so. Even with the knowledge that he posses, he refuses to leave. He does not do so in the middle of the night, even when his thoughts only present him images of himself that he hates.

The part of himself that he wants to escape.

He knows that leaving would make Zero wonder of him, but to not tell him tomorrow immediately and stretch out those last precious moments where he is left clueless is…

Is…

Despicable. Yet, he knows he cannot resist. He rises to take a shower and curl up in bed.

He’d be more well-suited to a demon than an angel with how he had been acting.  
So for the millionth time, he prays for God's forgiveness.

He wondered what advice Cain would give him if he could talk to him now. He rather misses their talks…

_“So, you have someone new to watch over?”_

_X nods. “I’m worried… The last person wasn’t far across in years than when I lived… I’m concerned that I won’t be able to help a child in these modern times…”_

_Cain chuckled and set down his saucer with a twinkle in his eye._

_ “You worry too much. Just make sure the poor lad does his work and doesn’t do anything too stupid.”_

_“Oh- but what if- there's an accident and I can’t prevent it from happening again?”_

_“Then it would part of god’s plan. You don’t have a single thing to worry about. He’s just been born, yes?”_

_“Well, yes-”_

_“Then you can figure something out by the time he’s old enough to make his own decisions. Right now he’s the parent's responsibility.”_

_“The thing is- his parents have…”_

_“Done what?”_

_“...They’ve fled the country and left the child behind…”_

_“That isn’t your fault. It's their guardian's fault for not guiding them better. But I suppose there comes a point when you can no longer watch out for them and leave them to their own devices, is there?”_

His words rung through his head like a chime.

He was right. He’s meddled far too much already.

But why does the pain outweigh everything if he knows what he’s doing what is best for him?

Somehow, despite his heart heavy like a stone in his chest with the knowledge of what he must say and do--he has the best sleep in ages. He supposes it's because of the wonderful dream he had last night. It began as most dreams did, with loads of longing between him and Zero. They rarely ended well. He dreamt of him grabbing the hand of a woman- usually Layer or Iris. Then he would lay heartbroken- and calling out to him. Not last night's dreams though. Zero ignored the hand outstretched form Iris and ran to X. Actually ran to him. Throwing his arms around him and burying him into his chest with no care in the world. He kissed him gently on the head. So gently, he could have almost felt it like it was seriously happening. He muttered an apology and X could only tell him how much in love he was. 

But the bad thing about sleeping so well was that now he was late for school. He checked the clock in the kitchen. The numbers were replaced with photos of family members. One is of a baby. One is a couple posing together. Several are family or single portraits.   
He thinks, one of the couple pictures, is of Zero’s parents. The mother looks a lot like him, long blonde hair like golden silk, dramatic eyelashes, and steely blue eyes. The father, brown hair, and kind blue eyes. Not so much alike. 

His stomach twisted together. It was 12. He had no way of contacting Zero outside of being late. He probably shouldn't bother at all. Oh but, he has to tell him. He must, he must. He cannot let this charade go on any longer. It isn’t fair to him. He needs to know how awful of a person he actually is. 

Wait…

A flash of dark hair.

Oh no… oh god oh god…

He felt sick to his stomach and nearly felt like throwing up. Not this again… He thought he was gone for good...

_“...”_

_The sun was warm against their skin. X smiled at him, feeling those butterflies as he smiled back and leaned in closer.  
“I love moments like these… they feel so peaceful.” X leaned against his shoulder. V took his head and kissed the top of it._

_“I love being with you.”_

_X felt the blush rise to his cheeks. “Y-you kid.”_

_“I mean it. I love every moment I’m with you.”_

_“Oh-”_

_The beautiful scene around him disappates. His throat feels sore and dry. He thrashes against the restraints and people holding him down. The cotton-linen tangles around his legs. He screams louder when the doctor approaches him. A dead look in his eyes and a syringe held up. His wrists and ankles are bruised, but he manages to thrash against the pain. Terror courses through his veins, and the doctor chuckles._

_“Easy there. You should be thankful. If this works, this procedure could save you from your sins. It isn’t your fault you’re like this. Even God makes mistakes sometimes. But it’s our job to correct those mistakes.”_

_“You’re wrong! This isn’t what God would have wanted!”_

_“Oh, how can you be so sure? Have you talked to God personally?”_

_“Please! Let me go! This can’t be legal! You didn’t even tell my father!:_

_“I don’t remember where it says in the constitution where it says fruitcakes have rights, but that’s just me. Nurse, hold him down.”_

_“No! Please! NO!”_

....

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

X feels himself on the floor, looking up. But rather being met with the scene of a clean white ceiling, he only sees blue and golden strands.

Zero. It’s Zero.

“..” he’s crying again. And he wanted to cry even harder each time he gazed into those familiar sapphire eyes.

He wants those eyes to be his and only his. He can’t stop himself from these sinful and selfish thoughts. He has to leave. He has to…

He’s sobbing. He can’t stop it. It all bleeds out of him through tears. The guilt, the shameful longing, sadness, hurt… he wants the pain to stop. It feels like there hasn’t been a moment in his life when it hadn’t.

Needless to say, he is shocked when his strong arms wrap around his sobbing form. His warmth is so good, it feels so nice, his scent…

_No, no, no, this is selfish, he doesn’t deserve his tender kindness._

He doesn’t deserve to be here at all.

Despite his longing to take more- he shoves him away.

Zero frowns. X can’t exactly pinpoint what it is he’s feeling, but it isn’t likely good. He’s screwed that up too. He needs to say it now, now, before he seriously falls apart.

“W-why are you here?” he croaks out, feeling breathless and sick and sounding like it.

“I was worried since you didn’t come to school today.”

“How did you know I was here?”

“I always knew.”

He lied and X knows it. But that isn’t what's important. Zero looks at him.

“What’s wrong? You’ve never… been like this before.” X can see the genuine worry in his eyes and that makes his raw guilt spike up intensely. The pressure he feels weighs down on his chest, which makes him believe that he’s drowning.

But he must push through the pain for his sake. If he is not to be selfish, he should at least be honest.

“...I need to tell you. Everything. “

“Right now?”

“Right now.”

“Alright.” Zero sits next to him, and it is then that X realizes he’s still on the kitchen floor. He doesn’t bother moving now. 

“...”

“...”

Zero appears to be waiting for him to speak first as he is completely silent. X can feel his heart hammering relentlessly in his chest, and his mind flees with panic.

He realizes that he didn’t think about what he should’ve said. Well, he supposes blurting out is the easiest way to have the first part of it over and done with.

“I’m the guardian angel of someone who lives in this town.”

He hesitated before turning back to Zero to study his expression. He looked mildly surprised. His eyebrows were raised a bit, but there wasn’t much else that had changed.

What? Wait, he wasn’t- he wasn’t supposed to say that. He was supposed to tell him, to tell him-

He cannot stop thinking about how he was guilty. The isolation...it has eaten him to where the only person he can ever think of is himself… and Zero.

And even then, he cannot even tell the one closest to him of the reality because he is that selfish--and he cannot stop it. He has strayed too far from his purpose, but he’s still restrained from finding a new one.  
He can’t keep lying anymore. There isn’t a reason for it.

“That makes sense.” he said, “you were always familiar with the place… I don’t believe you’ve ever needed to be shown around the school, and despite being a city slicker you already knew a lot about how this place functions. And there were things about me that I never told you…”

“...”

“I don’t care all that much about you keeping it a secret, if that is what you’re so worried about. There must be a good reason why you had to.”

“...” X can feel his eyes watering again. He’s giving him the benefit of the doubt. He believes in him. He truly believes that he is good and that he had good intentions, and X feels so bad for tricking him that a broken creature like him deserves an ounce of his attention.

“...that’s not what I’m upset about.” X finally says.

“Then what is it?”

“...” X bit his lip. He swims towards at the words floating near the surface of his tongue before they sink back down into his throat again.  
_Alright._

“There are rules for guardian angels. There's… this one… really big rule…."

"Uh-huh."

X takes a deep breath. "They can never fall in love with anyone on earth. Including… who they are meant to watch over…”

“...Uh-huh.”

This is it.

X feels himself shake and he can feel his voice waver and tears sting as he dares to utter the words he kept hidden, the words he's tried so hard to keep down. 

“But I feel in love with y- someone on earth.”

He couldn’t do it. Instead of feeling like some sort of emotional burst that he was building up to, he felt empty and hollow. 

There was nothing left for him. He was too scared and too sinful. He tried to so, so hard to make things right. But they always seemed to crumble under his fingertips.  
He sniffled and rubbed his nose his hand.

“Is it someone here?” Zero asked.

X felt himself nod.

“I see. That’s it? It’s not that bad, I don’t think. The heart wants what the heart wants.” 

He paused, “I don’t know who it could be.” He hummed thoughtfully, “What are you going to do now?”

“Leave.”

_“What?!”_ now he looked shocked.

“I wanted to talk to you before I did,” X explained. 

“...Do you have to?” his voice squeaked and he flushed with embarrassment.  
It’s adorable.

But, if anything, the flashbacks from back then made things even more clear than before. What if that was Zero? Maybe those things were outlawed, but the mental toll of having the ones closest to him turning on him-- he couldn’t ask him to bear it. He couldn’t allow him to suffer the way he once had.

“Yes. I’m sorry but… I can’t fulfill your wish. I want to leave before… I cause... him any more harm or pain.. It was selfish of me to even come here in the first place.”

“It isn’t selfish.”

Huh?

“It isn’t selfish to want to be around someone you care about a lot. It isn’t selfish to want the best for them.”

“But… But…”

“...” Zero sighed, “The heart wants what the heart wants and that’s that. I… fell for someone I shouldn’t have fallen for. I screwed up whatever plan you had, and it’s my fault that you’re going to leave now.”

“Your fault… what do you mean?”

“You wanted me to like Layer right? Well, that didn’t happen.”

“...I figured it didn’t.”

“....” Zero took a moment to breathe. “I guess it doesn’t matter now since you’re leaving but… I fell in love with…” he sighed again and rubbed his forehead.

“You don't have to tell me.”

“...I’m a huge idiot.”

“It isn’t your fault. It’s like you said- the heart wants what the heart wants.”

“What he wants is stupid. If anyone found out…”

Oh.

“...So it’s-”

“A he, yeah.”

“...Oh.”

“Why are you crying?”

X wiped the tears from his face.  
“If I didn’t- If I didn’t tell you about-”

“Don’t be stupid, X. I don’t like guys because you told me about how you like them. I don’t even know if I really do or if it’s just him…”

“I feel like it is…” 

“Well, it’s not. Do you really think it was selfish of you to come down here to do that?”

“...Well… I broke the rules-”

“Rules are made for breaking.”

X snorted, “Not this one. Love gives way to lust-”

“Jeez that’s such shit. You said you wanted to leave because you don’t want to trouble them, not becuase you want to fuck them.”

“...”

“The thing is X, what if they cared about you as much as you care about them? The only selfish thing is that you’re leaving without giving them a chance. You should be telling him all this, whoever the fuck it is. Not me.”

_He’s right._

Silence passed between them.

“...I… I… Zero… I…”

“It isn’t selfish to love someone, alright? I don’t know much about the rules… but it’s worse to keep things hidden. You gotta think about yourself once in a while.”

Maybe he’s right. Maybe it isn’t selfish to love him. It was insane of him to think he could possibly desert him without telling the truth. He deserves to know it. Lying was really the culprit here. If he couldn’t even tell the truth and risk the torment…

Then he really was a coward.

Maybe Zero was right. He would want to know if the roles were reversed, after all.

_“It’s you.”_

Zero stared at him for a moment, confused. 

“What?”

“Zero, I am your angel. And I… I fell in love with you.”

“...” X watched as his expression contorted from confused, dazed, to a red hot blush, every part of his face from his cheeks to the tips of his ears was a deep red, which was odd since Zero was never one to blush.

“What?!”

“I’m sorry… I’m sure you understand why I’ve been selfish now, hanging onto you-”

_“X, goddammit don’t put words into my mouth!_ This… This is insane. Why in the world would you fall in love with me?”

“Because you’re wonderful, Zero.”  
X didn’t think it was possible for him to blush even further, but X suspected his cheeks were also red. He didn’t mean to spit that out.

“Which is why- you have every right to be disgusted with me-”

“X for christ sake did I say I was disgusted with you?!”

“Well… Well… No, but you can’t feel the same do you?”

“...” he refuses to make contact at that.

Wait.

Oh no.

It’s his worst nightmare and best dream it is the best thing and the worst thing that could ever, ever happen to him.   
For his wish has changed.  
No longer does he wish for love.  
He longs for him instead.

And that's enough to make him break out into a sob; the guilt hit him full force.

He is a horrible, horrible person.

“X-”

“I’m sorry Zero! I’m so-” he hiccuped, “so sorry I can’t- I don’t want you to get hurt! I don’t want you to have to fall in love with someone like me!”

“X get a fucking grip!” He gripped his shoulders. “I have no clue what you’re going on about!”

“I told you, it’s my fault for coming down here! If I didn’t, you wouldn’t have to be dealing with these things!”

“X! Listen to me! It’s not your fault!”

“If I never had gone down here you would never-”

“X! You’re the one I have the-”

“I know! That’s why I’m saying all this!” he wiped his tears away and hiccuped.

Zero sighed and pulled him into a hug against his chest, stroking his back.

“Z-zero, n-no… Please… You know we can’t do this…” he mumbled, not having the strength to push himself away from his warm chest.

“You aren’t selfish X. Quit apologizing. None of this is your fault.”

“But if I didn’t-”

“You didn’t make me fall for you did you?”

“Then I don’t want you to get hurt--”

“There’s not many more people here that can really do that to me, X.”

“...” he guessed that was right.

“...I know this is risky. And I understand why you don’t want to love me… But… Goddammit, this is hard to say- I really like you. It’s a lot more than I should.” Zero wiped the tears from X’s face.

“I thought about you the whole time when you weren’t around during Halloween…” he confessed, “I tried to deny it… But nothing else made any sense, not really. I wasn't planning on telling you but… You… You... Feel the same. You don’t have that good of taste. But-”  
He cleared his throat and coughed, “No one’s ever said I’m wonderful or whatever…”

Now X had thought about it, he supposed Zero was right. There was a few instances where he had been called handsome, but not wonderful.

“...Well… Well… Er, Uhm, i-it... Goddammit, maybe we can do this if we’re really careful. Vile’s being a dick but he can’t do anything if we shut the blinds…”

“Zero… I… I want to, but... “ X swallowed. “This risk is too high.”

“...But then I will wonder what would’ve happened if I didn’t go through with this.”

“Zero… Are you sure about this? About going through with this?”

“Not really.” he held his hands and gazed down, cheeks refusing to calm down from their red state. “But can you stay away?”

“...” This is what he wanted. What he only dared to dream about. Zero wanted to be with him…   
Although the feeling still felt conflicting from inside him, he wants to be able to soak in the beauty of the moment. With a shuddering intake of breath, he leaned in.

Their lips met.

It felt like nothing he had ever experienced. Some describe death as fleeting, nonexistent, they weren’t aware it was happening until it did. Those were for people who died quietly. Others described it as a fiery fit of passion. Anger, sadness, love, joy, passion, all balled up into one and exploding like a firework. X never understood how someone could feel such intensity, and such conflicting feelings all in one moment, but he understood now.

Such an action, if one thought about it, contradicted his purpose for being on earth. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this, but he was utterly drowning. It felt even better than he could ever imagine it feeling. He felt like melting, it was so impossibly good. Every crevice felt melded to him, like this moment was destined for himself. His senses were overflowed with his presence and he could only drink it all in, savor the taste and smell and touch of it all. 

A shiver of pleasure went up to his spine once they parted. Of course, his desire to kiss him again was there, but he was reeling from the intense emotions and sparks that flew. He figured Zero felt the same because his expression was cloudy and dazed--a strand of hair misplaced, lips red and slightly parted. It was a beautiful expression, and one that X didn't even realize existed within Zero.

“...I felt something that time.” 

X took a moment to recover and said, “You’re right Zero. I don’t know if this is the path I’m supposed to lead you down...but I’m sorry…”

“Quit apologizing.”

“But-”

“We‘re in this together now. If you’re guilty than so am I. That’s a relationship, ain’t it?”

“...If they ever find out or hurt you, I will take the fall.” X insisted.

“But--”

“I’m already dead. There's not much else I can suffer from.”

He sighed and shook his head, “This is happening. I’m in love with an angel.”

“The angel loves you back.”

“This is ridiculous.” He paused. “Kiss me again.”

And he did. Over and over and over again, late into the night. Knowing his feelings were reciprocated made him unwilling to let go. The worst and best part was that Zero didn’t mind.

He can’t help but feel guilty by straying from his original purpose. But Zero was unwilling to let him go and their fate lie sealed. Which meant… Which meant he truly returned his affections. Which meant he made Zero happy, like he was sent to do. Really, the line was blurred here.

But at least by being with him… that also meant he himself could be happy too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to pleasestop32- the real MVP wo made this chapter fucking amazing. Best chapter in my book.   
Don't be shy- belt out your thoughts! Scream from the rooftops! Be loud- be proud! Did it suck? Was it super? I don't know!!!!


	10. What now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He fucking loves kissing X.

The school’s atmosphere had seemed slightly less oppressive now. 

The rooms were vaguely more spacious, the lights noticeably brighter.

It was ridiculous, of course. None of the school had changed whatsoever. It was the same dull posters, the same blank stares of students. The same teachers over dull powerpoint presentations. Nay, not a single thing had changed at all.

It was his _outlook_ that had altered.

And boy had it. Zero was smiling so much, he had caught a few of Axl’s worried looks sent in his direction, and he always intercepted them with a raised brow. 

He had intercepted a few of X’s stares, too, but they were far less judgemental and far more lovey-dovey and as much as Zero thought he should stop them, he never did. 

He sighed, hand pressed against his cheek as he tried to not stare too much at X and focus on whatever the fuck a trinomial was but his eyes always wondered his way back. 

He has to say though, the highlight of his day when he got knocked in the face by a dodgeball and stayed in the nurse's office until lunch. It wasn’t necessary but he kinda milked it for all it’s worth. Another highlight was when Axl was eyeing X and Zero suspiciously as they had a hard time making eye contact with each other over lunch. Every time he met eyes all he could think about were his kisses and whispers of love- and then he got so embarrassed he nearly crushed the spork in his hands. 

He thinks about how he looked at him as their lips met again and again and again. Nobody had ever looked at him like that… and… Stars... He would have stayed all night if he could, he really would have. But X insisted he go home and he did.

Unfortunately.

He also thought about going over to his house (well technically it wasn’t his) but Wily dragged him away for chores. X did understand but he could tell he was just as disappointed as he felt. 

X. 

_X..._

As he did so his mind remained preoccupied. Thinking only of his reverent kisses, over and over and just how- indescribable they felt especially compared the honestly kinda dry kiss from Layer. Where he touched burned, where he kissed made him want to melt-  
He kinda wanted more but as to how to achieve that goal he was clueless. 

He briefly wonders as to why he was trying to deny it for so long.

He exited the house to take out the garbage, the cold wind blew his hair around and he hissed uncomfortably. When he whirled back around- Vile was standing on the steps.

Oh yeah.

_Vile._

When he arrives home, he’s standing there, waiting for him, smiling for sure, but it is not reaching his eyes. 

Unsettling...

“What were you doing with X last night, hm?”

“Nunya. Mind yer fackin’ business yeah?” he tried to brush him aside and step inside the house, but he sidesteps him. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised as he held his breath.

“I’ll find out. You’ll slip one of these days-”

“I'm blowin’ heroin and snorting cocaine, you happy?”

“Now-”

“Vile, it’s kind of weird for you and lackeys to follow me around all the time. You feeling funny down ‘er when you’re in the locker room after practice?”

“Now listen here fuck face don’t you EVER try to say that shit to anyone ever again unless you wanna fucking die-”

“I’ve been known to have a death wish.” Zero sneered, “Now go off already.”

“You faggots will slip up one of these days, and once I find out you will pay.”

“It’s his damn house he can do whatever he wants- without you fucking bugging me.”

“But no parents are hanging 'round," he says smugly. “How do you explain that?”

“Not everyone has a big daddy and a trophy wife for a mom asshole.”

“Don’t fucking insult my mother-”

“I’ll do what I like until you let me inside me’ own damned house.’

Vile clenched his fists and stared menacingly down at Zero, clearly pissed off, nails digging into his hands and shaking. until he broke into a grin..

“Well, that's just fine and dandy then. You’ll be sorry. You’ll be fucking sorry.”

“Keep talkin’.” he shoved Vile out of the way and finally collapsed inside of his bed. What a day, he thinks. Closing his eyes he sinks into the comforter.

He hates to think about what could happen if he did find out, and he hates-- no, despises the fear in his veins that he managed to pacify until he got out of there. What if he did find out? Well, he’d likely to be seriously screwed over.

Wouldn’t that make the town happy? Atheist Zero a homosexual? It would prove them all to be just right, wouldn't it?

Well, he wasn’t an atheist anymore, he still didn’t like God but he didn’t- not- believe in him. It was also and most disheartening to think of a god who…

Who…

...He thought those things about himself. He really thought those things because of the way he was… He honestly thought Zero would hate him.  
What kind of a God would just let that happen? He didn’t understand it at all for certain and he wasn’t sure how anyone could.  
Thinking about him made him feel frustrated. He didn’t understand how heaven worked still, but he had a suspicion that things weren’t as well and good up there either. 

He does realize though, that these thoughts are just an excuse to think about X again. It seems that with the filter of holding back gone he wasn’t able to stop thinking about how much he wants him here.

“Zero?”

He blinks. The normal clothes are gone, and he again has that white toga that glimmers like gold in the light of his room. His wings fluffy and pure white, the halo above his head makes his eyes twinkle like breathless stars-

Of course, he doesn’t expect him to be here, he expects to curl up with a pillow to sleep.

"What- how did you-"

“I heard your call,” he explains. “You reached for me and I answered. I’m just as surprised as you, it must mean I’m still assigned to you after all…”

“...I did want you to come here but I didn't think you would appear,” he confesses. 

“Oh. Well… I can leave then-”

“No don’t.” both of their faces turn red just from the gesture of reaching for his hand. Zero himself isn't sure what had gotten into him, but he does know he doesn’t want to let him go. 

“...Could you stay here?”

“...Alright.” X sits next to him on the bed. Zero can’t help himself and strokes his wing. The action catches X off guard and he cries out while his wing fluffs about like a surprised chicken.

“How do you hide these things?” absent-mindedly he strokes the smooth feathers and ignored the red blush on his face.

“Ah… I-It's just part of our abilities. I don’t understand how it works… But I don’t really think I need to.”

“Mm. They’re soft,” he mumbled. X appears to have heard and blushes again.

Oh my fucking god. He’s so cute…

“They aren’t anything special… You should see a seraph. They have 6 pairs of golden wings-”

“6?”

“Yes, on the head, the feet, and of course the back-”

“That sounds scarier than anything else."

“Scary?” X chuckled.

“If I saw that I would be freaked out, I wouldn’t think- “those wings are breathtaking” I would wonder what the hell it is.”

“Pfft- you better hope that doesn’t come back to haunt ya.”

“Meh.” he shrugs. “I’ll be fine. Who says I’ll end up in heaven anyway?”

“I do- and I will when the time comes.”

“...” he recalls something that's been on his mind for a while and sits upon his bed. He was still unsure of where he stood in this mess.  
The thought of dating other guys grossed him out, just a bit. Mostly because he wasn’t close to anyone besides Axl- and he guesses _Vile._ Dating other girls seemed dull and boring, like a textbook with no pictures. Unimaginative and uninteresting. But being with X had a sort of vibrancy, like a coloring page he was still filling in with pretty colors, bright red and deep blue- cutesy pinks and calm greens. The world has become just a little brighter, time with him tasted and just felt better, like having a good nap.  
He wondered as to what was so special about him, but there was too much it embarrassed him. His soft hair and stunning eyes, how much he cared, how much he worried and fretted, there was so much it was breathtaking.  
And still, very, very, very embarrassing to think about. 

He also wondered if it mattered.

Even still he couldn't resist and asked.  
“Huh?”

“I said, what's so special about me? That you… y’ know…’

“...I don’t... Well…” X sighed, “it's hard to describe. Let me just... I was assigned to you on the day of your birth, it was the same day my first… er, person I had to watch over, died…”

“How did he die?”

“...after he retired, he took the habit of going to a gun range to blow off steam. Someone didn’t have… er… what’s it called? that stops guns from firing?”

“A safety?”

“Yes, someone didn’t have it on and accidentally fired…”

“Ah… that’s…”

“It was awful. I would have been a wreck about it if I didn’t immediately have you to watch over. I was hoping you would have a healthy upbringing, but your mother… she didn’t like the idea of being tied down and fled to Europe. Your father followed.”

“...Wily doesn’t like talking about her. What was she like?”

“She looked a lot like you. She was wild and very commanding. She dragged your father everywhere. I do believe they were genuinely in love…. But perhaps they were too young for a child.” he sighed, “I’m sorry, I just don't understand how anyone could abandon their child, I try to justify it but I can’t.”

“I see..."

"I think I've always loved you…” Zero flinched at the word but X seemed not to notice, "it wasn’t always romantic of course… But it was more like how a mother loves her child. She wants her child to grow up into a strong and sensible adult… But a mother always knows she must let her child go..."

"X..."

"I’m sorry Zero. But I still… I still feel guilty because that love turned selfish-”

Zero got fed up and interrupted him, "I already told you you are not being selfish. I don't understand why you continue to think that way."

"...Because all of this was because.. I just feel like somehow I messed up fate and how you're going to end up in life-"

"I don’t even know where I was going to end up, if you got any ideas I would like to hear them. And we're in this together now. If you've made a mistake, so have I."

"Z-zero…

"So quit thinking like that already.”

"But it's hard. Especially since all day all I could think about how much I wanted to kiss you again-’ his wings flapped a bit, and he squeaked. “It’s so… Embarrassing, and I can’t keep myself under control.

Zero doesn't have a dignified way to respond to that, he swallows,  
"That's what I've been…”

"huh?”

"That...That’s why a dodgeball hit me in the face this morning.”

“Oh. OH! You were… also thinking about me?”

Zero wanted to say of course, but he didn’t and instead simply nodded.

“Oh Zero…” he smiles and he looks like the sweetest thing on the known earth right about now. “I still can hardly believe you want to be with me.”

“Neither can I if I’m honest. It’s all confusing, but I know I want to be with you if nothing else.”

"I see. Well, if you ever… If it ever gets too much for you, please, let me know.”

“I will. If you stop feeling guilty for god's sake.”

“I-it isn't that easy you know…” he stammered.

“Yeah, yeah,” Zero just rolled his eyes.

X took a deep breath and got up from the soft bedspread.

“I think it's time for me to go home. Er, back to the house. Not… heaven.”

“Mmm… I don’t want to get up though…” he groaned.

“Oh, grow up. You sound like Axl.”

“Hmph. I do not.”

“Yes you do.” he giggled.

“I do not.”

“You two are more alike sometimes than you like to admit.”

“Am not.”

“But don't worry, I like that part of you, all the same.”

“...” It should be illegal for one person to be so adorable.

“What if I don’t want you to go?”

“Ah but… Er…” X glances at the door. “...what if someone-’

" I'm not worried about that, the doors locked.”

“But won’t they hear us?”

Zero raised an eyebrow at that, “Just keep your voice down. Were you planning on something?"

“Huh? A-ah, no! N-nothing! Nothing nothing!” he stammered, “I can’t help but be concerned is all…"  
“The blinds are shut, it’s fine. Thanks for being concerned or whatever, but it’s fine.”

“...Well if you say so.”

The wings vanished and he was suddenly wearing a pair of normal blue pajamas.

“But um, do you want me to sleep with you- I-I mean in your bed.”

“If you have a better suggestion I’d like to hear it.”

“Well…” X paused, “I suppose not. But er, I can’t-"

“Can’t what?”

“I-I understand, well, we are about the same age, Uhm, so we both experience the same hor-”

“Hold on ‘ere hotshot, I wasn’t going to ask for any of that.” Zero rolled his eyes again, "you’re the one with the mind you need to get out of the gutter.” Although he would be lying if he didn’t think about his creamy and fair skin underneath his fingertips-

Alright, alright, that's enough of that. 

“I do think Vile’s onto us. He tried to threaten and I dunno, scare me earlier.”

“He did?”

“Don’t worry about him though, he’s an asshole.”

“...Vile…” he stared off, “I never realized it before but that name sounds so familiar. It reminds me of… him.”

“Why’s that?”

“His name also started with a V. I guess, I don't know what happened, but it's so difficult to try and remember what he looked like… I know his hair was dark, and his skin was well, pale with a bit of a tan, but his face is blurry in my mind…”

“That’s strange. But I suppose that’s not awful. Why would you want to remember him?”

“I... It… It just feels strange that I don’t.”

“Hm…”

“...But I would rather.. Er…”

“Huh?”

“Nothing, nothing, never mind.”

“Well alright-”  
He was cut off from X suddenly grabbing onto him and holding him in an embrace. He shivered and wondered if X could feel the pitter-patter in his chest from here. His arms rested around his waist and he stared deep into his eyes. It was almost uncomfortable- until he moved his hands, brushing gently against his sides and arms, just a simple gesture, he was sure he didn’t even mean to do it, but it made his skin tingle as if on fire. 

God, where did these feelings come from? Did confessing- or er, well, he confessed to him- did that just open the floodgates to what was happening now? How breathless and those fucking butterflies stirred up a storm as he cusped his cheek?

“...Your wish has changed.” X murmured.

Zero swallowed, “Changed?”

“Mm-hmm.” 

“...I still don’t know what it was before.”

“Hm… I understand. I will tell you. Before, you wanted someone to love.”

_'Told you.’_

“I wanted that?”

X nodded and shuddered as he took in a deep breath, 

“W-well what do I want now?”

“...” X breath tickled against his face, sweet and smelling of milk. 

He was never a fan of the scent or taste of milk. Milk was good to wash down biscuits with apple butter and regular butter slathered over it. But he was becoming a big fan of it now.

“...It’s so strange. I really and truly do feel guilt-”

“And you shouldn’t.”

“Is it wrong that the fact that your deepest and darkest desire- makes me so happy?”

“What is it?” he asks again.

“...To be with me,” X whispered.

Huh.  
He wonders when that changed.

But he doesn’t have much time to sit on it, as he’s thrown into what he’s been thinking about all day and all he can think about is how perfect everything feels. The bed, the town, his brother and grandfather. It’s all washed away in favor of how warm X is, his sweet taste, his soft lips against his. The kisses quickly become more passionate and quell that burning desire in the pit of his stomach. Their faces pulling back just to collide again. His burning touch… Hands trailing- touching- squeezing every inch of him. A strangled kind of noise escapes his lips and into the air. Quickly he needs to do something to turn away from his arousal-

X suddenly squeaks and rolls off of him. Zero just sighs and facepalms at the sight of the tent in his pants.

"I-I’m sorry I-I’m sure I would be the same way if our roles were reversed that-- was a bit much wasn't It?"

"Don't apologize I didn't exactly tell you to stop feeling me up."

His face is bright red. "W-well still-"

"It'll go away on its own. Just give me one more kiss and I'll forgive you."

X blinked and smiled softly.

"Well alright."

Yes, he is doomed now.  
No, that’s what X would think. He isn’t doomed, if he was it wouldn’t feel so spectacular.

Although that night, he doesn’t sleep as soundly as he wants, and as the thoughts swirl to the top of his head and he reaches out-

His hands don’t grab ahold of the cold, empty, space next to him.

He feels X. Wonderful, wonderful X, who he somehow fell for, and he who somehow returned the favor. 

Zero sighs, and smiles.

Just a bit. 

If he was doomed, he was doomed- for he didn’t want to ever let go now.  
Was that strange?

Who knew, but for now this was how things were.

But things wouldn’t take long to unravel.

He knew that to be true, now and then.

But life fucks us all, so you might as well bend over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so, thank sistersunny for bringing this back. Was talking to him and he was like "Oh I'll write another chapter." and at first I was like "psssh yeah right." but the madlad fucking did it. Round of applause becuase I really would've let this just sit if not for him.  
This is not the chapter he wrote, I wrote this. Well, he wrote the beginning of it. I stole it to suit this chapter, but other than that it's mine. Next chapter will be his, if not a few scenes and edits and maybe a word choice or two swapped. But it will be juicy so stay fresh until then~!


	11. So short.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A life full of love.

As soon as Zero woke up that morning, he could sense something was up. 

It was a sixth sense, like tinglings down the nape and his spine. He clicked his tongue as he got dressed and brushed through his tangles of hair and gone on with his day. But the feeling persisted.

It didn’t help when he got to school.   
Students whispered and gave sidewards glances at Zero. Axl and X didn't seem to notice as they chattered on about something, but Zero was hyper-aware to it. Mostly because they all usually would avoid him like moldy old bread. 

He met with eyes with Layer for a brief moment, she looked choked up and ran off.

That caught Axl’s attention, he frowned, “Hell was that about?”

“How should I know? People have been staring at me this whole time.”

“Really?” X sounded worried.

“Yes really!”

Axl hummed, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll get onto it. Detective Axl on the case!”

“Yeah, yeah, just get them to leave me alone.”

“Mr. Antisocial much?” 

X giggled and Zero rolled his eyes.

“Whatever it is I don’t want anything to do with it.”

“Fine, fine fine.” Axl blew a raspberry. “By the way, we need to have a talk later.” He said with an edge of seriousness.

“...About?”

“Remember our convo on the Ferris wheel X?”

“...” X paled and swallowed nervously before and nodding yes.

Zero didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on that because the bell had rung and Axl ran off and X just bit his lip as he stared off into the distance.

Classes were mostly the same, catching X’s slightly anxious glances but he could only suppress the smile twitching at his lips and going over there to try to make him feel better. People whispered whenever they looked at each other and it really did wonders to that spidey senses he had going on that something was really- really wrong. 

The lunch bell rang and he gathered up the homework sheets handed out by Signas.

Axl joined them at their usual table without a tray in hand.

Of course, as with most affairs relating to Axl, this was when the trouble truly began.

“Yo guys. Uh. Can you follow me real quick?”

He hadn’t sat down. Zero hesitated. This was not a good sign. 

“Sure.” X chirped. Well, so much for hesitating.

They followed Axl to the bathrooms, brows furrowed as he shut the door behind him.

He turned to both of them, face disturbingly solemn.

Now, Zero wonders whether Axl made the right choice. Yes, it was beneficial knowledge — but ignorance will forever be bliss.  
At least, he did have a warning for what happened next.

“They know.”

Huh?

“What? Who knows?”

“Vile. Vile knows, and now, everybody knows.” Axl grew agitated.

X cautiously broke the silence, face drained of color. “...What do they know?”

“That you’re gay! Fuck, guys. This is bad. Vile knows, and he’s- uh, expressed plans to corner you after school. Quote, those fags have got what’s coming to them. Unquote. Fuck! What do we do?”

“Back the fuck up what are you going on about?”

“Zero- fucking- don’t play dumb it was obvious the moment you let X get close to you you had a crush on him and it was even more obvious that X liked you so answer the question!” his voice was shrill and full of panic, things not typical of Axl.

Zero swallowed. lips thinned, and his eyes narrowed. He felt X reach for his hand and clench it tightly. It gave him the confidence to answer, “I’ll meet him, then.”

“Meet, hah, no.” he chuckled for a bit and his expression dropped, “Meet him there?! _Are you out of your mind?!!_ He’s, he’s probably got a gun or some shit, knowing him! You know big daddy Sigma LOVES to hunt-”

“I can handle him.”

X recovered from his shock, putting a hand on Zero’s shoulder to gain his attention. “You couldn’t possibly do that! He could have a weapon, Zero! A weapon! And you, with your fists, think you could stand a chance? I said I’d take the fall, and I’m not backing down from that promise now! I swore!”

Zero’s gaze softened with sympathy, and a thin grin stretched his lips. “There’s no point running for the rest of our lives. We either take him down today or get taken down in a month. It’s delaying the inevitable, X.”

The brunet surged forwards, barely holding back as their chests raised and fell a hair’s breadth apart. “Of course there is! We’ve- It’s been so short! I just want to spend more time together, but if… if today, you… oh, Zero…” A tear traced down his cheek, and Zero had to physically resist wiping it away. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the smaller teen and held him tight.

“I’m sorry. I have to do this, X.”

The angel opened his mouth to retort, but only a sob escaped. Zero squeezed him harder. Settling his gaze on the other person in the room, he leveled Axl an indecipherable look.

“...Thanks.” 

“...Yeah. Yeah, just- fuck! Be safe, you fucking idiot. Don’t die, if you can help it. Do you want me to... get you a knife or something from the cafeteria?”

“How the hell would you do that?”

“I-I’d figure it out. I have a hunting knife at my house even-”

“It’s fine Axl.”

Axl bit his lip, fidgeted for a second, then nodded. “Okay. Okay! Text me. I’ll- see you later huh?”

“Hopefully.” 

Axl laughed, but it was forceful and sounded pained. 

“Fuck you.”

And with that, he scurried out of the room. Turning his attention back to X, Zero hesitated.

“Fuck, Z. What do we do?”

He thinks that’s the first time he’s heard X curse but he pressed on.

“...What I said. Meet up and square up. I’m not scared of him.”

“There’s gotta be another way Zero...!”

“Like?”

X was silent. And his shirt was probably damp. Not that he cared.

They spent an uncountable eternity wrapped in each other’s arms, but the shrill ring of the bell woke them from their haze all too soon.

“...Zero…”

He bit his lip, debating his choices. Theoretically, returning to class was an option.  
He looked down at the wreck that had become of his boyfriend (still an odd thing to think). 

In practice, however, it wasn’t. 

“...I know where we can go.”

X’s wet, questioning eyes met his. A half-inquiry, half-hiccup noise escaped him.

“Come.”

They rushed out through the desolate hallways, eery in their abandoned state. Steps echoing and bouncing as their sneakers squeaked. Some classrooms were silent and some were full of voices and laughter as they walked past. Zero was in the lead as he tugged a struggling X along.

The cold, crisp winter air of the outside world was refreshing in contrast to the stale, overly-warm mist of the school — but neither had the state of mind to appreciate it.

“Where, hah, where are we going?” X had never expected Zero to run so fast, but Zero wasn’t one to care for expectations, apparently.

The blonde-haired teen looked over his shoulder to answer, but stopped once he noticed the breathless nature of the boy he was near-dragging. Zero slowed to a stop, letting both of them recuperate as X caught his breath once more.

“There’s a place I know where we can hide. Used to go there a few years ago when I felt overwhelmed or something. It’s pretty much just a back alley between two buildings, but it’s far from here and it’s er… What’s the word? Conspicuous.” he decided. Waiting for a moment, he searched X’s eyes before glancing around. “It’s… not the best. Not what you deserve. But it’s the best we’re getting, and it’s an okay place to wait, I guess.”

“I know what you’re talking about,” X responded, standing straighter. “The bookstore- correct?”

In hindsight, Zero should’ve known not to jinx it. Perhaps it had simply escaped him, that if religion was correct, then superstitions could be, too. Perhaps there was no higher power factor- all a terrible, horrifying, coincidence. Maybe God out there believed it would’ve been hilarious to see his reaction. Maybe, he just wanted to stick it to X one last time. Fuck you for falling in love with yet another boy, suffer for it.

But looking back, his past self didn’t tend to be overly bright in strenuous circumstances. He doesn’t know if that’s changed but he could hope.

“...Alright. I trust you.” And really, that was all he needed then.

At a slightly more subdued pace, Zero gently tugged X along as they neared their destination. The town’s center was nearby, and maybe one day — a century ago — it had been a bustling mess of people. Now, every second structure was derelict and in desperate need for repairs, and the wind blew uninterrupted in empty streets. Signs posted for an election that had already passed. Stray cats rest on the doorsteps of a house. Windows boarded up and the structure sort of slumped over like an old man. The second house over a rocking chair sways back and forth with the wind.

“...Why?”

Zero turned around. “Huh?”

“Why are people like this? I mean, I thought about it. A lot. I had a lot of time to think about it, back when I was alive… when I was dead, too. I’m sure you know by now, I’ve told you… Most of it. When I died, well- there were people who… ugh…”

He paused, sighing. Zero didn’t interrupt, waiting patiently for X to continue.

“My point is that I didn’t die; I was killed.” he took in a shuddery kind of breath, caught in his lungs as he breathed the wintery air. Zero’s pace slowed to a crawl as he listened.  
“I was sent to a mental asylum. A fruitcake factory, if you will... My father didn’t consent, but then again — he didn’t know, either... There was a doctor. His name was… well, I’ve forgotten. I guess it doesn’t matter now. But he thought that he could convert me; as so many others did in that awful place. He had a syringe, and, and- oh, zero-”

X hiccuped as a sob was forced past his lips. Zero carefully placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder, torn. “You… don’t have to tell me, you know.”

“It’s fine. I- I need to get this out of me one way or another.” He took a steadying breath, then continued.

“I don’t know what his line of reasoning was. Maybe that the pain would make me see God. It must’ve been because from the second the needle pierced my skin and injected that serum into my bloodstream, I knew it in my very soul... I was… I was going to die. I… I did.”

“X…”

“Oh… I’m sorry. I bet that just made everything worse, didn’t it? I-”

“X, don’t be sorry.” he snipped. “This isn’t your fault. It isn’t, okay? Just… know that I… Like you. A lot. Keep that in mind, for God’s sake already…”

He was still shy back then about using the four-lettered word. That would change. But he did mean it.  
For the rest of his life, he did — it was the least he could do before...

“...Thanks. I- I will. Forever.” 

Zero smiled slightly, nodding. They continued the rest of the journey in relative silence, listening to the calm yet unsettling hush of the empty town. 

At a building, he stopped. A metallic grate covered in graffiti hid the shopfront behind it, but the letters above the store read ‘Roll’s bookshop’ in a proud, if somewhat peeled, white bubble font.   
He always wondered who Roll. If it was named after anyone, or was a made up person. Like Aunt Jemima. 

“We’re here.” Walking past it, he entered the alley, beckoning for X to follow.

“Is this… all it is? This is all it is.” X told himself. 

Maybe he should’ve asked him the hell he meant by that. Maybe X felt it too. That overbearing heavy presence that loomed over them. Zero’s eyes flickered across the space. No reason to feel this way, he told himself. It was literally just a normal sidestreet. There was nothing to it whatsoever, beyond its unusual roominess and lack of overbearing filth.

“Yup. This is it. We can… hang out ‘ere ‘til things are safe ‘nuff. It’s safe.” he said. Like he was hoping for confirmation, a sign that it was.

There was the sound of footsteps behind them.

“Oh, it is?” A familiar voice asked.

Both felt their hearts drop. X’s eyes widened and he stared behind Zero. Mouth frozen in horror.

** _Jinx._ **

Zero turned, fully prepared to throw a fist.

And stopped dead in his tracks when he found himself staring down the length of a gun’s barrel. A hunting pistol, with a camouflage pattern on its side. It reeked of redneck but that was really the worst of his troubles.

He had a hard time putting it into words, but it was staring into death itself, then. Baring his teeth, eyes narrowing into near cat-like slits-   
“Vile,” he hissed.

Never before had the name felt so autological.

“Fag.” He replied, a smirk present in his smug, overbearing voice.

“I always knew you were one. It only took one snap of a camera and I had proven myself right.” he sniggered, “You shoulda seen Layer. Her crush- her first kiss- a fucking fruitcake.”

His tone morphed from conversational to self-satisfied and smug. Zero hated it- Wait, the hell? Why did he say fruitcake? The only one who he’s ever heard say that was X-

The angel beside him spoke up. “Vile,” he whispered, awed. “That’s your name.”

The perfect Christain turned to him, scowling. “The fuck do you mean by that, pretty boy? Of course, it’s my fuckin name-”

X ignored him, pushing onwards. “You. You’re Vile. I… why did you do that?”

Vile growled. “Do. What.” His gun lowered. Hint of genuine perplexity in his voice and face. 

Fucking hindsight is a bastard. Perhaps Zero could have punched him in his face. Maybe it was out of shock, but in the moment, hearing X’s silky sweet voice he too wanted to know what the fuck he was talking about. He’s so stupid, why didn’t he do something?

Signas told him before he’s smarter than he let on. He could safely say he’s wrong just from that alone.

“You… lied! You turned me in, blamed me, said it was all me! It wasn’t! You loved me back, I know it!”

Both of the mortals stared at X. 

Zero then glanced back and stared as Vile gaped- open-mawed at the angel. “I… I…” Vile was speechless. Genuinely, ineffably speechless. 

“Do you know how I died?”

A choked sound escaped the wide-eyed Vile. His red eyes not holding a candle in the simmer of the betrayal in X’s eyes. Staring cooly at him

“Have you heard of conversion therapy? I’m sure you have. I underwent it. They sent electric shocks through me and injected drugs that made me vomit. They beat me a few times when I was spiteful. One day, a... doctor came in. Said he could cure homosexuality with his miracle serum. It was music to their ears, and they volunteered me first. I was strapped to a table…” his hands shook. Voice cracked and wavered.   
“As much as I tried to fight against it it was for nothing… They held me down and a needle was put in my arm. It wasn’t a cure. It was poison. Pain coursed through me, setting my entire body on fire as I screamed and thrashed and bled and sobbed. The doctor just watched. He had... expected it. He was hoping for it. And then, once all was said and done, I was driven out to an alleyway and dumped into a puddle. I wasn’t dead yet; rather, I was hyper-aware of my surroundings but paralyzed with pain. I shivered and sobbed in that alley for six hours before I finally fell unconscious. Before I finally died.”

Through his wavering voice, X locked gazes with Vile. “But somehow, none of it had hurt me as much as you had, Vile. I trusted you.”

The gun had nearly fallen out of Vile’s grip, but now he grabbed it with both of his shaking hands, as he pointed the gun at X.

“You- you were a fruitcake! A fuckin’ faggot! Hah, you think I actually loved you? Pathetic.” But his voice was wavering, and Zero could spot tears welling up in his eyes. 

He was still paralyzed, full of genuine fear and worry for X of course. He couldn’t imagine the pain he must’ve went through. And he didn’t want to- but he did and he wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around him.

X bit his lip. When he opened his mouth, his voice was surprisingly meek. “Is… did you ever love me?” 

Vile looked like he was about to answer. At the same time, his fingers tightened on the trigger.

Zero was too slow. There would be no action-movie last-millisecond sacrifice. The bullet would hit X far before Zero could intercept it. Because no matter how ridiculous his life was turning out to be, it was his life. And life was ruthless.

Vile’s eyes widened in shock, and he dropped the gun. He fell forwards, gasping.

A knife had pierced his gut from behind. 

And above him, Axl stood like a guardian angel.

He rushed forward to meet the shocked stares of his friends. “Hole-y fuck. He- he really was going to do it, wasn’t he? I- I’m sorry I took so long, I couldn’t find anything I could use for a weapon, and my house was too far-”

** _Click-click._ **

A deafening bang startled all of them, squeezing their eyes shut. 

Too late again.

When they opened their eyes again, Axl was staring at the ground.

“And-” He coughed, blood spurting from his lips. He stared at the wound in horror. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, slumping.

Vile couldn’t muster up anything more than a pained grunt, holding his pistol with both hands as he lay prone on the blood-stained concrete.

“Axl!” Zero shouted, barely audible to himself above the loud ringing in his ears. “AXL!” he screamed. Oh god, Axl, Axl, not him, anyone but him. X would be fine, he is already dead but Axl- Axl- he had nothing to do with this. All he wanted to run around the woods with a flare gun and be a farmer when he grew up.

Maybe he shouldn’t have. Maybe he should’ve run, or retaliated, but he did neither. He was useless, watching as his friend bled out. Eyes shut as he breathed in and out- small and shallow breaths. 

His own yell of pain was inaudible as the second shot rang out. 

“No. No, no, no, Zero! **_ZERO_**!”

It had been his liver, the autopsy had said. And as blood rushed to fill the organ, he couldn’t help but think that Vile’s aim wasn’t very good.

“I’m- X…” he stumbled. 

“Zero, stay with me! Can you hear me?!”

“...Loud and-” he gasped as a shock of pain pierced him. “-clear, X. I love you.”  
It was the first time he said it. His mind registered weakly.   
Why did he only say it then? He didn't have a fucking clue. 

But that’s all he could think of in those moments. How much he wanted to taste his lips one last time before he left this fucking earth. That even though everything in this world was uncertain, he could be sure that he loved him

“Please, not like this. Zero. Zero!” X wailed, sobbing. 

His eyelids slowly slid shut. He smiled through the pain, a welcome calm spreading through him as he professed his feelings again.

“Love you. Love you more than anything. I love you, X…”

At least now he wouldn’t have to worry about much of anything at all.

His skin wouldn’t turn cold for another few hours, but he lost consciousness as the final syllable left his lips.

X didn’t say anything, desperately clutching the bleeding corpse as he sobbed.

When he looked at the murderer, the gun was pointed at him.

A deer in the headlights. 

X remembered Douglas, the first one he had to look over. How much he loved guns. military technology. He died a slave to his passions, just how he would have wanted. Zero would die without ever finding his passion...

Nothing was said, but then Vile lowered the gun.

“I never wanted to hurt you, X. Never. I loved you more than the world. I-” He could feel the wracking sobs knocking at his throat. “I was a coward, X.”

“...Vile…” X swallowed. “I can never forgive you for this, you know. Do you even remember your first life?”

“...I do. And it was wonderful… Until they… I was so scared X, I was terrified...”

“You had every right to be. But in the end, I died with the knowledge, the thought that you despised and loathed me. That you hated me. That death was the thing I deserved…I can only blame so much of this happening on myself. You pulled the trigger, and you have once again stolen yet another life.’

“X… X… I’m so sorry…”

“I can’t forgive you Vile.’

“I-I just didn't know what to do… w-when I saw you, I had these dreams about us being together and I felt things I never felt before. I didn’t- I didn’t know what to do…” the gun clacked to the floor as he fell to his knees, completely breaking down. 

“You deserve it you bastard…” Axl weakly mumbled. “Hell is wrong with you?’

He could hear voices, someone was approaching. 

“Oh god! Someone- please- call 911!”

“What have I done…?” 

“...I understand Vile. I do…” one hand still cradling Zero’s warm body, he patted the top of Vile’s head.

“It was all my fault in the end. I never dreamed that you were that same person all that time ago… I never thought to seek you out… I thought it would hurt me more than anything. You did make all the wrong choices, the awful, awful mistakes. Taking it all out on Zero… But it wasn’t as if you could tell anyone these feelings, could you?”

“Of course I couldn’t… he… my dad would’ve killed me.”

"...But you will have to pay for your sins now.”

"Oh god… God, please help me…" he pleaded. 

X gasped, for the first time in ages, he could hear God’s voice again.

_"It is time to return home, my child.”_

“...” As Vile grumbled incoherently, X knelt near Axl.

“Heya…’

“You’re still conscious.”

“That I am.’

"...” he knelt down and kissed at his wound. “You will be okay. Keep on living, all things return back to God’s domain in the end. His kind hands would never stray you far from the light.”

“No magic kiss is going to make me stay alive."

"Oh, it will.” 

“You know... I never bought that New York shit. Where are you from?"

“..." he sprouted wings and that halo of light bathed the bloody scene below him.

"Of course, you’re an angel…"

"I have to go now.”

"Yeah, yeah. 3rd wheel Axl left all alone while Zero and his cute angel boyfriend go up into heaven.”

“It is not your time. If it was, you would have died already.”

“Haha… alright. You promise I’ll see him again?”

“Of course.”

“Aight. I’ll be the best hay mower this side of the country. Ah’ swear it tah’ Zero.”

“He would love to see that. Farewell, Axl. I leave the rest up to you now.”

-

Zero woke up in an embrace.

It was refreshing, even if he had no recollection of how it came to be.

In fact, he didn’t recognize any of his surroundings. The bed he was on was far too soft to be a hospital bed-

Why would it be a hospital bed?

“...X?”

The name sounded natural on his tongue. He didn’t know who it was, but-

Eyelids lethargically slid apart, revealing dazzling emerald pupils.

“Good morn, Zero.” The velvet voice replied, sleepy.

X. X, the adorable, smart, and beautiful angel that he had fallen in love with.

Of course.

“What happened? Where am I? Am I alive?”

“To start off, no. You’re dead.”

Zero didn’t know how to respond to that. 

“What about Axl?”

“ He’s… very hurt but alive.” X sighed, “Red was very distraught….”

“Red... Red… Wily- WILY what about him? And Vile?”

“...” X paused for a moment. “He cried."

“Over… me?”

“So did Bass. "

“...So they did care. Fat lot of good it does me now.” he looks around at his surroundings. Squinting his eyes he can make out people flying around the fluffy white clouds in the distance. He feels his own back. Eyes wide as his fingers meets feathers. 

“So I-”

X nods. 

“So we’re as close to his domain as it gets... And…Vile…”

“...He was arrested. For murder.”

“...Oh. Yeah… He did do that.” he looked at himself, and his white robes with edges of red details and a sash around the chest. He felt the material in his hands, like plush velvet.

There was silence between them.

“I’m sorry…”

“For what?”

“This is all my fault. If only I didn’t go down there. If only…”

“Then I wouldn’t met you. And I think it was a pretty fair trade. Besides, if this wasn’t his plan I wouldn’t have died now would I?”

“...Well.. I guess not… But my actions snowballed everything. Like a butterfly effect…”

“I guess so. But living was overrated. Now I don’t have to worry about anything. Although… I would have liked to eat at least one more slice of pecan pie from Sam’s.”

X laughed, “How can you think about eating right now?”

“‘Cause the only thing I’ll be eating for the next- well- I guess forever- is milk and honey. And anyways, Vile- he got what he deserved. If it was his idea to punish me spending forever with you isn’t one at all.” He kept talking before X could respond, “But he… He was… looking at you. In a way. Like he loved you. I know because it’s the same way I looked at you. Does he…?”

“I guess the better question,” X replied, looking away, “would be ‘did he’. And… I think he did. And then… When he had these feelings he was so confused and distraught. His toxic environment, the expectations of peers, his father, being the son of the pastor, his friends… Even the expectations he held himself to. It all came crashing down...”

Zero contemplated the thought. X interrupted his musings, equally confused.

“I… I’m not sure if he still does. On one hand, I want him to. I want him to love me, without fear of repercussions, or judgment. To just finally be at peace with his sexuality. To be at peace with himself. But… He did kill you which I can never forgive him for. And he hurt Axl dearly… And…”

X looked back at him, grinning softly.

“I’ve gotten over him. I love you.”

Zero, ashamed to admit that he was caught blindsided, recovered quickly. 

“And only me.” 

“Only yours,” he affirmed. 

He snarled, diving into the plush lips just centimeters from his. That sweet taste of milk once again meeting his lips, kissing him over and over and over until lips are bright red and swollen, and the taste of each other linger in their mouths.

...

His head snuggly on X’s lap, sun melting into a beautiful painting of a sunset. Perfectly breathtaking, but he most say,

“The only thing prettier than this sunset I think, is you.”

X giggled, “Each time the sun sets, an artist here gets a turn to paint it. I haven’t seen a bad sunset yet, but this isn’t nearly as beautiful as some paint.”

He plucked a golden feathers from his wings. It isn’t an unpleasant feeling, but makes his wings twitch all the same. Zero found them to be uncomfortably sensitive to touch. X continued to preen loose feathers. His rich and silky sweet voice was music to his ears as he recited a psalm,

_“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures.   
He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.  
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”_

“Pretty cliche.”

“It’s my favorite psalm though. It’s so pretty, like real poetry to my ears…”

“It’s a lot of people's favorite psalms.”

“I suppose that’s true. Don’t be such a spoil sport. You’re lucky to get the first day off, most are thrown right into their duties after it is decided.”

“I wouldn’t know that.”

“...Did you mean it when you said you loved me?”

Zero shot him a look, “What do you think?”

“That was the response I was looking for.” X adjusted their positions so they laid together on the soft cloud. Stars beginning to twinkle over them. They appeared so close, they truly were part of the heavens…

“I just love to bill and coo you…”

Zero blinked at him, “What?”

“Oh, sorry.” he blushed, “I haven’t slipped back into my old slang in a while…”

“I was just confused is all.” he snuggled into him, wings wrapping around his body, settled into a cocoon.

“I’m sure tomorrow I’ll be assigned a new human, and you, what angel you’ll be shall be decided.”

Zero just grunted. “As long as I have you. That’s all I care about right now.”

“You don’t need to worry about that.”

_“I will be with you.”_

_“Always.”_

_“And forever.”_

And it would stay that way.

Because now, X and Zero were together at last.

And nothing was changing that.


	12. Finale

Laughter spilled from their lips as they raced around heaven, colliding into clouds and almost hitting others as they laughed and flung themselves into the air.

Zero had the advantage of maneuverability with the number of wings on his body. He didn’t know why God decided he was worthy of being a seraph but he’s come to terms to not question his will a long time ago.

Although, X has had years of practice on him and collides right into him-

“Got you!”

They chuckle as they collide into a solid cloud. Hearts beating and racing fast. His fingers resting over his own beating heart and his round cheeks flushed with color.

“I won again.”

Zero rolled his eyes and sat up. X playfully pushes him back onto his back and he lets him, preening his feathers from the golden wings that slightly twitch at his touch.

“You love doing that don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” X sat up, stationed over his hips. “I was just talking to my father Cain.”

“About?”

“My assigned one of course!”

“Yeah, yeah, Rock wasn’t it?”

He nodded, “Can’t believe I got assigned to someone in the Light family after you. I suppose it was all to his plan, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked.”  
“It was very good timing that the former angel was dismissed from watching over the same time you came back. But go on and spill."

"Rock celebrated the 20th anniversary of their marriage.”

Zero nearly laughed. If someone told him back when he was alive that Bass and Dr. Light’s child would be married and living in _Wisconsin._ (Seriously what the hell was even there?) he would have thought they were insane.

But he was happy for his big brother. He hoped he was as happy as Rock was. Rock seemed to be a little naive and spacey and he wondered what exactly he saw in his brother. But according to X, his temper has quieted down a lot. Gone were the days of growling in road rage and nearly crashing the car at every minor inconvenience. 

But another thing came to mind. Those 20 years ago when they got married. Wily wasn’t alive to see it, he wasn’t alive to see him even move out of that tiny town.

“Both my boys are gay.” Wily sighed and shook his head. He looked younger now. His hair instead of reminding him of the snow on the side of the roads, grey and dirty. It was now a very light shade of blond, and as he scowled, his eyes had once again that light that had decayed from them a long time ago. Instead of looking grumpy, he looked determined. He was angry and going to do something about it. His hair reminded Zero of Bass. Only more spikey as it was slicked back. He stared out into the grey sky. Some figures were black and vaporized in and out of existence. Their lines smudged and foggy. For a brief moment, you could make shapes, a women in a 60’s dress-wearing gogo boots. A man in a suit and top coat, holding a cane.

_“Those are the ones that have been forgotten.”_

What a lonely existence it must be. But they had to spend at least 1,000 years in purgatory to have another shot at it all. 

“Both of my boys turned out to be gay.” Wily sighed and shook his head. “I suppose this is God’s punishment…”

“It isn’t a punishment.”

“Fine, fine I’m sorry.” his expression softened. “I just want to know he isn’t hurt, is all.”

“No. The world is changing ever so slightly still. At least that’s what X says…”

“I still can’t believe all you’ve told me. Your little boyfriend was an angel?”

“Yes, I’ve said it a hundred times by now.”

“...” Wily looked into the distance. “Is Light dead?”

“No.”

“...Wonder if I’ll ever see him here. Knowing him, he’s probably chosen to stay the way he is in life. Knowing him he’s made it be all poetic, and he’d probably be the only one to feel to seriously feel that way. Do you think the people who decide to stay old-looking do it for the power trip? Haha, you’re all superficial and only care about looks but *I* don’t!”

“You know, I’m not sure.” Zero replied honestly. “In my time guarding God’s throne, I’ve only really learned one thing and I already knew it. There are shitty people, and there are good people, and there are people in between. Everyone is kind of a blend of grey. Hardly anyone is just one or the other.”

“Then why are we punished for that grey?”

“It’s not that bad.” Zero crossed his arms. “You get another shot eventually. Only the exceptionally good get that offer. You get it just by sitting around here.”

“I don’t want to sit around here, that’s the problem.”

“Well suck it up, Grandpa.”

“...Been a while since you’ve called me that.”

“It’s easier to call you that since you look so different.”

“That doesn’t make a lick of sense.”

Zero shrugged, “Does it matter?”

Wily clicked his tongue. “Well. I guess since we’re both dead it doesn’t matter now…”

“Can’t believe you died from a heart attack. Guess you wish you hadn’t eaten so much pie eh?”

“Believe me, if I could take it back I would. But 80 isn’t a bad time to die. I was old and useless and lonely anyway. The only real friend I ever had I hadn’t seen in 60 years at that point.”

“You never did tell me the full story. About all that.”

“...There’s a reason for that.”

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Dr. Wily snorted. “My thoughts are worth at least a dollar.”

“Fine then, keep ‘em.”

“Don’t be an ass.” he swatted the back of his head and Zero elt him. “I was going to be serious.”

“Then be serious. I ain’t stopping yuh.”

“Thank you.” he let in a deep breath. “Can’t believe I’m telling you this… I was wanting this to go to my grave.”

“Technically you did.”

“Shut yer pie-hole and listen.”

He listened.

“Thomas and I met during college. He and I met at a debate club. We were at a fairly liberal institute, and one day the topic of abortions came up. Not sure who decided THAT was a good idea but it did. He defended it, saying the right to choose was the right of the mother alone. Of course, me being from the hicks denounced him righ’ back. We were like this ‘fer a while. Back and forth, back and forth. The rest of the club watched in silence. Until we shook hands. I was bitter about not winning I didn’t know it at the time but both of us were fighting to go to med school. And wouldn’t cha have it? He and I both went to the same damned school.”

He played with the buttons at the end of his sleeve. Constantly unbuttoning it only to rebutton it. 

“We were fast friends after that. We didn’t agree on a lot of things. He was more for the rights of the patients, while I always believed that doing whatever to keep them alive was our priority. To hell what with they want. As long as they were healthy it would turn out okay. It was fine that we didn’t agree all that much if I’m honest. If anything that’s what kept our friendship the way it was.”

He took another breath. Zero stayed quiet.

“Medical school takes a long ass time. Eight fucking years. Eight years of birthdays and study parties and fights and debates. It was never just Albert or just Thomas. It was always us two against Ms. Flincher who was strict about the typesetting on our type-written essays and the sources we used from the library.” He rolled his eyes. “Thinking about her gets me angry. So what the spacing in the typewriter is off? Why do you care so much? Oh, and heaven forbid I used a source from Rose Johnson instead of Betsey! Can’t have that, can we?” he waved his hand, “Goddammit I’m getting off-topic here. So we pass with flying colors. Thomas gits his degree, I get mine. We have a flashy new title that we rub in other people’s faces. We get jobs at the same hospital, and Dr. Light meets a female Doc named Lalinde. Noele Lalinde.”

He pauses for a long moment. Just as when Zero thinks to speak up, he continues.

“He loved her. Can’t blame him, she was smart as any other man there. Loved to get into debates, and that won over Thomas in a blink of the eye. Thomas loved anyone he could debate. But things went south from here…”

Zero blinked at him.

“I felt.. Jealousy. Of course, at first, I didn’t know why. I reasoned at first, this was because she was stealing away his attention. Instead of our Friday nights out on the town, he was heading out on dinner dates. But that wasn’t quite it. It was distracting, I couldn’t focus on work at all and it was becoming clear if I didn’t figure it out I’d be fired.”

Zero held his breath. He couldn’t…

No fucking way. 

“But of course, I understood once she kissed him. I was in love. In love with my best friend of 8 years and I was terrified. All my life,” his voice broke for a moment, “I was told fags go to hell to rot. They are unnatural. They decide to be this way. Satan deceived them to be like this. So for me, a 28-year-old male to realize that I was in love with another man. That I was unnatural, that I was one of those… You can only imagine. You had that whole thing where gays deserve rights and aren’t this way by choice and whatnot. I’m sure things are even better now.”

“...Holy fuck.” That was all Zero said.

I exploded at him after surgery I nearly botched and moved away. He was happier that way anyway. He was dating Laline. They probably married. I got married to your grandmother. We had your mother. Life moved on. I never moved on. I was hung up on the past. But I’m sure he’s fine.”

“X says he talks about you sometimes.”

“That’s just because Bass is around. God… Does the gay gene just run in our family or something?”

“I guess. I would have never guessed...” that was an understatement, his whole world was flipped sideways. “Maybe you should tell him if you see him again. Maybe then you can get over it.”

“Fucking hell Zane…”

Zero did flinch, mostly because it was years since someone used his birth name. “I’m serious. This stuff is what led Vile to kill me. This almost killed you.”

“I would’ve been killed if I told him all that time ago.”

“Maybe. I don’t know what it was like in the fucking ’70s or ’80s or whenever this was, but listen here, it’s over. It is done for. You’re dead. He’s going to be dead one day you can’t hold onto a grudge into death. It’s not going to work out. Just tell him so you can get back to debates and hanging out like back then.”

“...” Wily was still for a moment and chuckled. “Since when were you one to give out advice?”

“Part of the seraph job. Have to sound commanding enough no matter what you’re saying, even if it’s bad advice.”

Wily laughed, “Well you know my big bad dark secret now. Go on and shoo now. Don’t come back for a while. I want to get over the embarrassment of telling you. Also, never bring it up again.”

“Believe me I need to think about this too.”

He never told any of this to X. He did feel guilt, X tells him everything. But this felt… like too much. Too personal. This was Wily’s story to tell. Not his.

But… That was how X was feeling. That he was unnatural, doomed to hell- Zero never believed in that. He never bought into all that. But X… X.-

He kissed X reverently and washed away those thoughts. Whispering words like “I love you” and “mine” as he nipped at his skin. X giggled through kisses and pecked at his lips. 

Eventually, he rolled off of his hips and they laid together on the cloud, foreheads pressed together and inseparable. His hands roamed underneath his robes. X squeaked and his wings fluttered, blushing.

“N-not now Zero-”

“Then when?” Zero whispered into his ear. He shivers underneath him and pushed him away. The expression was suddenly serious. 

“I’m not in the mood. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things…”

He held his hand and squeezed it, “I’m sorry then. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine! Any other day I would’ve gone for it… but I’ve been thinking a lot about Vile…”

“I still can't believe Viles still alive," Zero grumbled. 

"I know. I'm not sure where he's going. He has forgiveness for when he killed you, and Has done many good deeds after prison but… I'm not sure. I don't think he required any further punishment."

"Neither do I. Not that I've forgiven him for killing me. But I'm over it. I get to do this." He snuggled closer to X and kisses his nose. X giggled. God, he loves his giggle… He’s so warm and his wings are so soft and it’s all just wonderful. Everything is wonderful. 

"What are you lovebirds doing?"

X and Zero stopped and sat up abruptly.

"Is that-"

"Axl?"

Axl beamed at him. His to be was light and glittery, his halo a small ting of light around his head. Feet were bare and a pair of small white wings fluttered shyly on his back, and another pair on his head is head was flapping about like it was unsure of itself.

“AXL!”

Zero leaped to his feet and squeezed him into a hug. This caught him off guard as Axl stumbled over his words,

“Oi! Oi oi! What’s gotten into you?”

“I kinda missed you for the past 5 decades you asshole. “ he pulled back, “how the fuck did you die?”

“I think ah’ drowned in hay.” 

“What?”

“Bunch’a hay fell on me.”

“...Well, that’s one way to die.”

“Pfft.” Zero looked him up and down, “you look the same.”

“Well, duh. I ain’t about to stroll in here looking 60.”

“Hush you.”

“Well, the last 50 years been crazy! And this place is huge!”

“Well duh, it’s all of the heavens.”

“It took me forever to find you.” Axl grinned, “Seriously missed you. I became friends with that Lumine guy, ‘memba him?”

“I knew that. X checked on you every once n’ awhile.”

“Nice to know I had an angel to look out for me! But man yeah, it was super hard without cha at first. Did all sorts of weird shit like getting married at 18 to Palette-”

“I saw that. Not going to lie that was weird.”

“Tax benefits were nice.” he shrugged. “But anyway! She discovered she was a lesbian and we divorced at 23 so no skin off my back. Learned my lesson.”

“It was cute to see Layer and Palette together.” X grinned.

“Guess Zero traumatized her into it.”

“I did not and you know that!”

Axl laughed, “you haven’t changed.”

“Neither have you.”

Axl stared out into the distance. He followed his gaze to the trees of glass and pearls of wisteria flowers. Fluffy clouds loomed over, cascading shadows. Promises of a warm rainfall on the horizon. A river of gold flowed through the cotton candy clouds and disappeared on the edge. Its rich contents glimmering as if made of sparkles. The fruits on the wisteria trees were beautiful diamond desserts. 

“This place is fucking beautiful. My God.” he winced, “Sorry. I’m not supposed to’ say that now am I?”

“I’d reckon not.”

“Nuts.” Axl sheepishly chuckled. “That’ll take a minute.”

“You didn’t remarry right?”

“Nope. I gotta tell ya Z, dunno if I never met the right person or I’m just asexual but no one ever felt… Right. I guess. It took me a while but I don’t think I need to be someone to be happy. I just need my buddy.”

“Sorry for dying then.”

“Sorry for not saving you. But look, I’m ecstatic to be back right now. I’ve missed seeing that girly hair of yours.”

Zero tossed his hair to the side.

“It’s not even put up.”

he waved him aside, “I haven’t done that in years now. I just let it do whatever.”

“Have you been working out? You looking buff.” X giggled and squeezed the bicep on Zero’s arm. He looked down at himself. He guessed his skin was a lot more bronzed than before and a lot more buff. But he didn’t exactly fight for these changes. So he shrugged.

“Perks with the job I guess.”

“I’ll be! You have six golden wings! So you’re a sera- zera-”

“Seraphim.”

“Yeah that! What you do to deserve that?”

“You know what Axl, I wonder the same thing every day. But I’ve kinda just come to terms with the fact that this is my reality.”

“Haha, weird. So what’s there to do in this place?”

“Oh, all sorts of things!” X chirped. “But I’m afraid most of it is working on creating a brighter future for others.”

“Can’t escape working even in death.” Axl shook his head, “I liked mowing hay. I don’t even know what virtue is!”

“Hasn’t a dominion angel led you around? And where is your guardian?”

Axl shrugged.

“I see... Z, I trust you can take care of him. I’m afraid I hear the recoilings of bells in my ears. I need to watch over Rock again- both of you stay safe.” he smiles before flying off, white wings spreading out and loose feathers ]undone. 

“What’s ah’ dominion? And what’s a virtue?”

“Dominion angels dictate god’s word and what each angel should be doing as they play their part. Virtue angels keep the people’s faith in God by performing miracles for those on earth.

“Sounds sappy. Do I make rainbows and stuff?”

“That’s part of it. But you perform other miracles too like when people survive unlikely injuries. But I’ve heard those are saved for the cream of the crop. Those who have high amounts of faith, or who have been questioning it. As for how to do those things, I suppose you figure out along the way.”

“What’s a seraph do?”

“Most of the job is protecting God’s throne. And fighting against those who refuse to accept his will.” he skips a beat. “But we spare mercy if they repent.”

“Eh… That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

He simply shrugs. “Regardless of how I’ve felt in the past I do feel at times this was the best choice for me.”

He watches the distant angels flying. Cascading shadows through the sparkling glass. “I’ve learned a lot about well, everything I guess. I was awful at my role at first. I was spiteful and angry. I only wanted to be near X, all the time, all I wanted was to be with him. But then I was summoned to his throne for the first season. A whole season of being alone… Without him. It was only then I learned to embrace his will. And while at times I disagree with him, and his methods, I find that things always work out in the end. The end goal always justifies the means.”

“...You’ve changed a lot then.” he grinned. 

“I wonder if you’ve changed any.”

“You’d hope so. But who knows? I'm just happy we’re back to Axl and Zero! Although, I imagine you’ll be missing the time with your boyfriend.”

“There’s nothing but time for us now.”

X turned around and waved as he flew, cheeks rosy in the wind and brown curls fluttering as he disappeared.

And while things were difficult at times, their love for each other would indefinitely guide them with God’s light to pave the way.  
Coming to terms with their reality and in how they lived meant accepting the nuances that while things aren’t always fair, life and the world is always changing and getting better. 

He was happy. On top of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna be honest, I've come to not like this very much. I'm relieved it's over... Honestly.   
So yeah, it sucks. Yeah everyone is gay, ugh. ughhnjjnjkfnjn  
I hate it, I do, but someone likes it.


End file.
